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Forum: Moms of Teens and Preteens


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March 29th, 2011, 07:20 AM
peimum's Avatar Being crazy isn't enough
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: PEI, Canada
Posts: 7,367
I had no clue this board was here..... well, I am a step-mom to a 14 year old boy. He lives with us full time, and has since we got married. I have been in his life since he was 7, and have been "the other mom" for a while now. He talks to his bio mom every once in a while, and does try to keep a relationship with her. I have earned his respect as a mom, but that was not an easy road... it took a few years!

I try to relate to him as much as I can; most people think he is my bio child. They say he looks and acts more like me than DH, lol. He is a good kid deep down, but he does get into a lot of trouble in school. He is board, and they do not challenge him enough, and as a result, he avoids the work, and brings home bad marks. He skips classes and does not show a lot of care for school.

Our newest challenge is now with him skipping a detention. After being late for class 3 times, he was given a lunch detention (30 minutes). Well, he thought that was dumb (kind of agree with him there, but don't let him know) so he skipped it. Now, the VP (who seriously does have it out for him, I do not like her at all) says he has to serve an ALL DAY in school suspension. I found that WAY to extreme! I mean, he is 14, he is in grade 9..... yes, he needs to learn from this, but that is ridiculous! I would be okay with him making up the detention that he missed and serving another as well, but I refuse for him to serve and all day suspension. So, I went over her head. I went to the school board office. I spoke with the Principal's boss, explained what I knew of the situation, and told him that this needs to be taken care of! He told me that they believe in "progressive discipline, and that they kids need to learn that rules are made to be followed. I told him that I also believe in progressive discipline, but there was no progression, it went from mild to extreme! I went on to tell him that he knows as well as I do that this is ridiculous, and that I was not going to settle for it! He tried to get smart with me, and I let him know real quick that I was not a dumb woman, I have a Teaching Degree, and though I am not using it now, I know how things SHOULD work, and this is not it! At that, he told me that he would contact the principal and find out what is missing from the story. I told him that if there is more to it, then I will be even more ticked off, because there has been no communication to me since NOVEMBER!

Sorry to vent on my first post here..... just wondering, do you think I am in the wrong? Or do you think I handled it right?
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March 29th, 2011, 05:47 PM
wefrogy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 17,060
Hi and welcome to the board. This board is slow at the moment due to not having a host. there are a few of us that still pop in from time to time.

We seem to have a few things in common. I have a 12 y/o son who is my step son. I have been with him since he was 2 1/2 and he has always lived with us full time.

He is in 7th grade and started having some issues with school in 6th grade. We have gone through and still do to some point with the discipline program at school. They get fowls (play on words-school mascot is the hawk) for missing homework, disrupting class, being off task etc. After so many fowls you get silent lunch then a few more fowls and after school detention then a few more fowls and all day detention or in school suspension (same thing). For me personally we go with the discipline program. If he gets the fowls, silent lunch, detention, in school suspension he serves it. There have been some fowls that I thought were given for petty reasons and one teacher hands them out more frequently then other teachers, but he knows the school rules and he needs to abide by them or suffer the consequences. The one teacher seems to expect him to mess up and looks for it constantly. My son has lost respect for that teacher so he slacks off in that class. I communicate with that teacher through email and once in person and any time I question the teacher he offers to lighten up on the fowl that was given or give him and alternative to detention or what ever and I always tell him, no follow the discipline rules. I just want to be made aware of what they are for, details to what he did, if he was given warnings prior etc. so that I can discuss these things with him at home.

What you are going through with your son and how you are handling it isn't a matter of right or wrong, it's your way of parenting and how you feel about it. You need to do what you think is right. Good luck and I hope things get easier for you and your son. Summer will be here soon

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