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mental illness or gender issue??

Forum: Moms of Teens and Preteens


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February 29th, 2012, 07:34 AM
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 1
Well I have a lot of problems with my son. One of them is his identity. Now I don't really he could marry a frog for all I care really. But the main issue is he has PAIS. A syndrome that makes him resistant to androgen. I had wanted him to be raised female but it was a grade 2 so he had to be reared a boy. As he grew up I really felt like I had a daughter. All his Halloween costumes were female figures as a child. He had as a young toddler played with his toys mostly baby dolls role playing dress up and never really liked playing rough. When he was younger he had long pigtail ponytails. Most thought he was a girl. He wore a lot of his brother's old clothes though. He got older and seemed to gravitate towards females his age. He started dancing ballet at 5. He wrote a lot more. Was into ballet and writing since he was 9. Well at 10 he seemed even more feminine. I think he tried to tell me at 11 he was being abused or something I later learned about. But he asked what it was like to kiss a guy. He denied being gay though. Well when he was 12 he started dressing feminine. He straightened his hair which was all the way down his back he wore heels and skinny jeans and corset weird things. I found in one text at this time he was flirting with this guy at school saying he wanted to do things age inappropiate. He still denied being gay when I confronted that it was just a joke. He wasn't serious. Well he refuses to take hormonal treatment shortly after. To me this is blatantly saying he wants to achieve a female body. His friends are all female. He does have gfs at times too. At 14, his condition had turned his puberty to more feminine and he appeared to be like the average girl. By this age mentally things weren't right. He'd have these temper tantrums had trouble controlling his anger controlling his emotions and would binge eat and I saw in weird places. I found out later he was cutting himself his private area to hide that he was cutting. Then later that year it all went bad. His brother has had more problems than him. But we couldn't save him. He did drugs and had already fathered a child. He'd had trouble with drugs since he was 13. Well the thing is we saw a texts back in forth and apparently they've had sex of some sort. My older son I lost to drugs. He overdosed. All this broke the family up on top of that my husband and I filed for divorce. So now I am left with just one son. He's in therapy and all that and better nowadays. He had suicide attempts and was diagnosed with bpd. His therapist say I should accept his identity issues though now. To me it seems obvious it's because of having bpd. By now he's completely achieved a female appearancewise yet does not really care if people call him a he or a she. Doesn't it sound like this isn't an identity issue just apart of his illness? Also if he's got gender identity issues why doesn't he desire to be female like legally. He has never asked for a name change. He's never even said he feels like a girl. He just says he loves his body the way it is but a guy can't live a normal guy if he wears dresses has a real figur... I just don't want him to be hurt or for him to suffer from the illness to me it seems like it.
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March 2nd, 2012, 09:04 AM
badgirl11381's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 913
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WOW...I don't know anything about those medical disorders. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry that you have lost a child. And, I pray that you can save your only child. Make sure that you keep an open line of communication and support him in whatever he decides. Your child will always be your child whatever gender he wishes to persue. Help him out in any way you can and show him all the love you have in your heart and just keep talking and taking him to see a therapist to help him with these issues. I can't even begin to imagine how hard things may seem for you. I hope and pray that things work out for you and him.

Thank you Babydoll213 for my beautiful siggy
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March 19th, 2012, 07:37 PM
wefrogy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 17,062
have you considered counseling? What about any teen support groups or clubs

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