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Forum: Moms of Teens and Preteens


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April 12th, 2012, 05:48 PM
wefrogy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 17,062
What method of discipline do you use with your preteen/teen? Grounding? taking things away?

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April 12th, 2012, 09:37 PM
mamma_anna's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,953
We use natural consiquences whenever possible. If they break something they have to pay to replace it. When they start driving then a natural consiquence for tickets or any other infractions would be loosing driving privilages for a certian amount of time. But I'm hoping we won't need that one.

We would ground them for sneaking out, going somewhere inapropriate or missing curfew without a phone call and a very good reason for being late (I'm talking missing it by 30 minutes or more) because grounding seems like a logical consiquence for those things. But thankfully we haven't had to do that yet.

Something esle we do is that if they've done something that has negatively affected someone else then we expect them to write a sincere appology. It's something we started with them in preschool and it may seem a little over the top but it's really effective. It forces them to think about how their actions affect others. We've only had to insist on this a handfull of times with all the girls. And at this point Meg and Abbey will write appologies without being prompted if they feel it's necessary. (which is rare)

Honestly, we don't have much need to "discipline" or punish the girls. We've been really lucky so far.

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April 13th, 2012, 01:42 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,309
We use the more "natural consequences" too. My kids really dont have anything to rebel against, so they dont tend to need much more than that.
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April 16th, 2012, 11:15 AM
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 4
Kids are all so different – sometimes what works for one may not for another, even in the same family. I have to say that I do like the idea of natural consequences because what we're ultimately trying to do is teach responsibility and accountability. I heard a great 2-part radio program on parenting teens awhile back with Dr. Kevin Leman who refers to this as “Reality Discipline.” You can still listen to it online and there are links on those pages to some of his books, etc. Just go to the Focus on the Family website and search for "Game Plan for Parenting: The Teen Years." I’ve been fortunate to have had the opportunity to work with this organization and have found so many resources that have helped me with my two boys – now in college. Open communication is also key – we’ve found we can avoid many of the problems just by making sure we’re talking and laying out the expectations ahead of time. If I could say one thing, it would be to encourage parents to invest time and energy on relationship – One of my favorite quotes by Josh McDowell is “Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.” Just some thoughts…
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August 25th, 2012, 04:17 PM
mom2more's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2,692
I try natural consequences when possible. For instance my teen stepdaughter is not allowed to wear foundation. She breaks out a lot and it makes it worse. We have let her wear it for pictures or dances, but she is not allowed to use it on a daily basis. And honestly when her skin breaks out it still is not blotchy or needing it.

She went with her mom's parents and they bought it for her. We told her that she should have told theme don't allow her to wear it (we have sole custody). She wore it a few times to school anyways and each time we reminded her of the rules. The 3rd time I took it and told her I would hold onto it until we decided to allow her to wear it.

I recently tried grounding my teens and preteen from their bedroom (except for sleeping). They like to hang in their rooms and have video games and stuff in there. So when I ground them from their room they have to hang out in the main area of the house. I like it because I see them more

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September 27th, 2012, 09:08 PM
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Location: Connecticut
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Most often her punishment is taking away her phone

Mom x 5

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October 8th, 2012, 09:01 AM
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Westbrook, Maine
Posts: 11
I believe in using natural consequences as well as incentives to motivate children. I also feel that making amends is very important, such as writing an apology letter and/or doing something for another person (doing a sibling's chore, for instance).
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November 1st, 2012, 03:23 AM
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 19
With my teen, it's depriving her of her privileges like using the phone, the internet, going out with friends. It works - for a time.
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November 1st, 2012, 05:58 AM
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 202
Another natural consequence user here as well as taking away priveleges (which is usually a natural consequence in and of itself).

I like the idea of writing an apology note. I may use that idea myself!
Mama to a few:
L (5-21-88); Mi (dn, 8-29-91); A (10-27-91); I (10-2-92); Ma (dd, 4-17-94);
N (10-29-95); S (10-13-98); Le (10-28-00); C (3-7-03)

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January 10th, 2013, 07:21 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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We try to use natural consequences as much as possible. The one thing that seems to really well for him is taking away his DS.

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
Proud mommy to 7 angels. Survivor of 4 failed adoptions (5 kids)
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May 13th, 2014, 03:32 PM
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 19
I don't understand how some of these are supposed to be natural consequences. Natural consequences are things that happen independently of parental involvement. For instance, if my daughter stays up all night playing games on her DS instead of sleeping, then the natural consequence would be her not getting enough sleep and being tired the next day. Taking the DS away from her would be an example of a punishment.
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June 1st, 2014, 03:14 PM
kolbysmom's Avatar Ready For Spring!
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Kolby is rarely in need of discipline, honestly. We take things away as a form of punishment.

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July 6th, 2014, 02:38 PM
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 13
My kids are still under preteen ages. But at that age I would stand behind grounding and natural consequences.
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July 14th, 2014, 12:37 PM
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 10
I just try to be a likeable person. Being overly disciplinary will only cause conflict.
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