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Raising a teen that is not mine

Forum: Moms of Teens and Preteens


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September 18th, 2017, 11:59 PM
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 1
hello everyone! So here is my situation. 10 years ago I was dating this man. He had a daughter and his daughter had a little half sister. He used to take them both because her sisters father was in prison. The little one took a liking to me. The mother of the girls is a train wreck. The older daughter has always been favored by the entire family. I took a liking to this girl and she was attached at the hip. We did everything together and she basically lived with me the entire time I was with this guy. The mother is heavy into drugs, rotation of different men in and out all the time, just a real bad mother. The mother wanted to put one of the guys she dated in jail so she made up a story that he diddled the little one. I am not sure how she maintained custody but she has. The father is no better he did 7 years for many assault and batteries on women. I did the best I could shielding the child for the time I was with this guy. After about 4 years I had to separate myself from this guy because I discovered he was doing drugs and I had a falling out with the girls mom. I checked in over the years to make sure she was okay and said if she ever needed anything I would always be there. At the beginning of this summer, 7 years later she reached out for help getting a job. I met her when she was 5, left situation when she was 9 and now she's 15. She's become an amazing young woman, driven, highest honors, athlete and a good sense of right and wrong. Unfortunately she's been subject to a lot. She lives with her gram and the mother lives upstairs in an in law apartment. She is very much aware of what her mother is, she steals from everyone , she does every drug and she's got a revolving door of men. She's even asked her own daughter for pee to pass a drug test. The father is non existent and the grandmother although provides food and a bed, heavily favors her older sister,. The grand mother pays for the sisters college, apartment, Lexus, insurance, food, clothes etc etc.. the little one isn't even allowed to use the plush towels at the house. Grandmother will not buy school clothes supplies nothing absolutely nothing. Since I am so proud of who this girl has become after all she's been through I stepped up. She got the job and has been working and saving as much as she can. The grandmother puts a lot of stress on her about how bad her parents are. She's had to walk home twice from work because no one would come get her. I took her out and bought all new clothes shoes bags and school supplies. Spent about 2300 dollars. When she came home her sister cried over it. I bought her a safe so she could protect her stuff from her thieving mother. I took her to two concerts too and paid for her soccer. I know She has a lot build up on the inside after all she has been through and I'm concerned about it. Any tips on how to get her to open up? And, I know I shouldn't question this but her mom and sister are both users and money focused, I love helping her, it makes me so happy, but I don't even know how to tell if she actually even cares about me. Any tips on that? I wish I didn't have to question it, but I'm throwing her a 16th birthday party and we went over the invitations and she told people to RSVP her grandmother. It kind of made me feel like I'm just the money and everyone else is going to do everything. Am I being too critical? I just want her to know I am there for her in every way. I'm not trying to be her mom, I am just trying to show her she is not alone.
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