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Is it normal to feel like this?

Forum: Preemies/NICU


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July 22nd, 2011, 08:39 PM
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 46
I love seeing my baby and watching her grow everyday don't get me wrong. But a large part of ke is mourning the pregnancy I will no longer get to have. I don't know if because this was my last pregnancy or what but the other day I cried and cried over it. I know its a little crazy but I really wanted that big belly and to feel her be so big I could just feel her stretching not just kicking. I had really cute maternity pics lined up with my daughter. It just really hit me a couple of days a go.
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July 23rd, 2011, 08:10 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 13,880
Unfortunately, yes, what you're feeling is completely normal. I still feel like I was robbed of 3 months of my pregnancy with Jim. When he was in the NICU, seeing other pregnant women on the street would sometimes set me over the edge--I kept thinking, "That should be me, I should look like that right now."

This is one of the reasons I wouldn't wish a preemie on my worst enemy.
~Beth in Seattle

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July 23rd, 2011, 08:57 AM
Chatterbox's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: TX
Posts: 3,870
Absolutely! I still have those feelings when I am around other pregnant women who are experiencing all the kicks and movement and last months of their pregnancy. I didn't feel my son much at all because of an anterior placenta, so I really feel like I missed out on quite a bit. We missed out on maternity pictures, our second 3D ultrasound, and being pregnant at my baby shower. *hugs*

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July 23rd, 2011, 01:48 PM
army_wife1008's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 4,022
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Yes it is so very normal to feel that way. I am experiencing this for the second time around now and it's even harder this time because I know I will never EVER get that normal pregnancy. At least after my first pregnancy, I thought MAYBE I would get to be pregnant one day. And then like Tami, I had an anterior placenta with this pregnancy and so I really feel like I missed out
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July 23rd, 2011, 07:08 PM
8miraclez's Avatar Formerly Halfbaked
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 7,472
I feel that way, especially when people make stupid comments like "you're so lucky you got to skip the uncomfortable part". I want to be uncomfortable! My baby is home now but it's still not past her due date and I still feel robbed. What's even harder is that my Nephews baby is due the same day I was due. It doesn't get easier the more preemies you have either.

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July 24th, 2011, 04:28 AM
jml's Avatar
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Ducky's mama
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Posts: 1,371
I still feel cheated, and Declan is 9.5 months old... the worst of it seemed to his around 2-3d PP, and the nurses explained it was b/c of the hormones. Strangely I wasn't too upset when I was discharged and had to go home without him, but around the 5 week mark I fell apart. Thank goodness for my hubby, without him I'm not sure if I would have survived...

I still get twinges of jealousy for very pregnant women. I may never experience it again, and it's tough for me to think about what "could have been". *hugs*

Thank you Thank you Thank you to Alethia for my awesome siggy!

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July 25th, 2011, 04:56 AM
tetchy's Avatar N.A.K.
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Washington
Posts: 1,651
I've felt everything mentioned above. Pregnancy does not agree with me. I felt like garbage the whole time. But, after delivery I felt so empty and cheated. I envied everyone still in my DUEdateclub. I'll probably never know what the last month of pregnancy looks like or feels like to me. It's very sad.

You're not alone!

Beautiful Piggy By Julieta Beautiful Soggy By Beautiful S Cautiously expecting baby number three due 12.15

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July 25th, 2011, 01:39 PM
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 46
Thank you. Im glad that it is normal to feel like this. I feel a little better today but I am sure that I will continue to mourn the pregnancy to some extent all the time. Thank you for the hugs I needed them. BACK!!
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August 3rd, 2011, 07:14 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 2,095
I definitely feel this. I often find myself waiting for a kick, like when I am lying on the couch watching TV, and when I realize that it's not going to happen it makes me want to cry. I wish I could let it go because I don't want to seem ungrateful to have her, if you see what I mean?

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August 4th, 2011, 06:57 AM
SarahBethsMommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,847
Laurie and others,
This feeling is completely normal. Laurie, I know you understand grief about losing a baby completely, so think of it like this. You aren't grieving your baby now, she is alive and growing and doing well, but you ARE grieving the loss of the "normal" pregnancy and delivery. You are grieving what should have been. That is FINE and totally normal to do.

I still get SUPER jealous to see a big fat and uncomfortable pregnant woman. I never got that, never will. I miss being uncomfortable. I wish I'd been able to get to that stage.

Thank you to AlexAiden Mommy for my beautiful siggie!
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August 17th, 2011, 04:15 PM
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Calgary
Posts: 176
yes it is normal. It was really hard for me because my best friend at the time was only one month ahead of me in her pregnant and I had to watch her be pregnant, experience everything i didn't and have a normal birth, and then when she had her daughter i felt so empty while she carried her newborn around with people cooing over her and my baby was stuck at the hospital. i felt like this for a long time afterwards, and felt like I was totally robbed of the pregnancy especially when they said I couldn't have a VBAC. I have since had another girl, and carried her until 35 weeks so I felt HUGE lol the feelings will pass as time goes on. I don't dwell on it anymore, my daughters are both healthy
SAHM of two little miracles!

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August 18th, 2011, 05:34 PM
AngelaMarie's Avatar Owen's Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 3,094
I had a crazy idea that this would be my last pregnancy and my best one. I made sure I was healthy and checked with doctors and really felt like this time I would get that normal not high risk pregnancy. I'm really struggling with feeling sad over this. I'm sure it will get better once she's home.
Thank you Jaidynsmum for my adorable siggy!
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August 19th, 2011, 03:18 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 13,880
Angela, it's so normal to feel that way. It does get a little easier when they come home, but for me, I haven't ever fully gotten over the loss having a full-term pregnancy with Jim. It's a real loss, and something to be grieved.
~Beth in Seattle

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August 20th, 2011, 01:40 PM
hippie hugs's Avatar Proud Mama to a Preemie
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 820
I agree with the other ladies - it sounds pretty normal. This was one of my biggest struggles when Roan was born, and something I still face during his stay in the NICU. It's definitely hard when I see pregnant ladies on the street and I also get the feeling that that should be me.

Thank you Claire1979 for the amazing siggy!

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