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Amaya.. an update and need for advice.

Forum: Preemies/NICU


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April 1st, 2012, 09:34 PM
Preemie Momma
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Keokuk, IA
Posts: 151
Amaya began walking on Mar. 9. I'm so proud of her! I've been meaning to get on here and post more often, but I've been struggling to balance my job(s) as wife/mom/journalist... When I last took her to the doctor, she weighed 21 lbs and was 26 inches long. She's in the growth percentile for her age (15 months) and he said that she has also caught up developmentally as well. Naturally, I was thrilled, as I'm sure all first-time preemie mothers are, I was worried it would take her forever to catch up. For the most part, things are going well in the Bartlett house. I started Amaya in daycare, which saves me the stress of dealing with in-laws and also 40 miles a day in back and forth travel for work. Yay for less gas! It's an in-home daycare and she seems to be doing well, even though she's the only child her age there at the moment. I'm glad she's getting the chance to finally play with other children.

So here's my need for advice: Now that we have reached the toddler stage, we've also hit the tantrum stage. She's ALWAYS cried like someone hit her when I walk out of the room, which makes doing things around the house incredibly frustrating (even more so now when she toddles into the kitchen to scream at me while I'm doing dishes or cooking dinner...). As a first-time parent, I have NO CLUE what I'm doing. I scoured the internet looking for answers... Everything I see discourages spanking, but realistically, how well can a 15 month old understand "time out"? All she does is scream in the chair until I let her down, only to return to what got her in time out in the first place. I have built up a night-time routine with her- feeding, bath, brushing teeth, story while rocking, bed by 10:30. What I would like to be able to do is also build up a schedule to where she understands that mommy needs to clean from about 5-6:30. Give or take. Right now, I'm having to use the only time I get to see my husband (who works second shift) to clean the house.

I'm terrified to do the wrong thing with her. So, for you mothers that have been through this difficult time, please tell me how I can discipline an INCREDIBLY clingy baby who honestly cries more than she is happy?
BFP #1: 6/11- delivered 12/25/10 @ 28 weeks, now 3
BFP #2: 1/13- miscarried at week 6
BFP #3: 2/14- miscarriage at week 7

Thanks MommaDuck's for my GORGEOUS Siggy!!!

Thanks to Kerian for this wonderful blinkie!
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April 3rd, 2012, 03:04 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 13,880
First off, I am SO EXCITED that she is caught up already! Seriously, that is awesome!

OK, so discipline...yeah, I got no good answers. With us, we did time outs like this: we'd count to 3 to give him a chance to stop being bad, then when he didn't, we'd say, "Time out" and then grab hold of him, plop him our laps, and hold onto him for the duration of the time out. If he settled down (which was rare) we'd let go of him. Then at the end of the time out, we'd talk about why he had time out, and then we'd talk about what he was going to do different the next time so as to avoid a time out.

Did that work? Not for the first, oh, 6 months or so of doing it, but eventually it did. He's now almost 5 and we don't have to hold him for time-outs (haven't had to do that for a while). Instead we send him to his room. We use his room as a place to de-escalate from any bad thing, like, if he has a crying tantrum, we tell him to go to his room until he is calm enough to talk to us again, or if he isn't following directions, he has a time out in his room. It helps to get him to calm down, and also gives me a moment to stop being super angry at him and be able to calmly address whatever stupid behavior he's done to piss me off.

That said, there are tons of right ways to handle discipline, so get lots of advice and assume nobody else is 100% right, they're just doing it the way that works best for THEM. I also found our ped was helpful with tips on discipline.

Good luck, things only get more insane from here on out...although I hear 5 is an easier age? Please God let 5 be an easier age...
~Beth in Seattle

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