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Omg how could he say this to me...

Forum: Pregnancy Loss


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May 18th, 2009, 06:53 PM
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 141
I just lost my baby a week ago. Saturday me and my kids were going to there grandmothers with my boyfriend we were talking about it, and he told me that it wasn't even a baby yet that's why he isnt emtional about all this ect... Then i told him all about wednessday night when it ended, how i could have flushed my own baby down the toliet. He made a hole joke out of it and said now he is down there swimming with the fishies. This is all a joke to him, and then he said he wished he could see it (the baby) he said it would have been neat. I wish he cared alittle bit more/lot more then he does. This is my first m/c this is hard on me.

Brandon-edd Jan,1,2010. Grew his wings on May 5.2009
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May 18th, 2009, 08:16 PM
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 467
maybe that is how he copes?
I dont even know what to say, I would of gone crazy at my husband if he said that.
I think I may of even punched him! Possibly even many times.

Im so sorry your not feeling supported.
ME (27) DH (28)

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May 18th, 2009, 08:37 PM
lunarmagic's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MA
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Wow, that's harsh. It doesn't sound like he was connected at all... I'm so sorry you have no support.

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May 18th, 2009, 08:40 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 13,418
That is really rough honey. I am sorry for your loss and sorry that he does not understand at all. You have us, we are here for you.

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
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May 18th, 2009, 10:21 PM
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 141
I don't know he copes in weird way's sometimes. He said he wouldnt get attached cause it wasnt real unlike if the baby was already born . Well it was real it had a heartbeat thats pretty real if u ask me.

Brandon-edd Jan,1,2010. Grew his wings on May 5.2009
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May 19th, 2009, 06:04 AM
MountainMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think it's harder for men to connect to a baby in early pregnancy and therefore harder for them to understand how hard it hits us. It could also be that this is how he has to act to cope. I'm not saying it's right, but everyone does cope differently. I would try talking to him and explaining how hurt you were by his comments.

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May 19th, 2009, 09:50 AM
..Penelope..'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 10,777
I'm so sorry, honey

I agree with Stephanie, maybe if you talked to him and explained how much his comments hurt you, you'll find that that was his way of trying to cope, and that he didn't mean to cause you pain. Either way, I think he owes you an apology.

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May 19th, 2009, 02:59 PM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
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I'm sorry he is speaking that way to you.
I know that often men don't actually get attacked to the baby until it is born, where women often start thinking of it as a baby as soon as they learn they are pregnant. Also, some people use humor as a coping mechanism. I know my best friend does. The more serious and "upsetting" the situation, the more inappropriate her jokes become. Maybe that is just how he is coping? Regardless of the reason, though, he should recognize your feelings, too.
Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)

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May 19th, 2009, 03:05 PM
LIZZYI's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York
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I am so sorry!! I don't think men understand. We are here for you!!
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May 19th, 2009, 03:59 PM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,894
Wow, thats a tuff one. Obviously he has no children? Cant see how anyone, especially a father would joke about that. Im so sorry, that was very inapropriate.
momma of 8 beautiful children now. Most recent is Jerry Jr. born 11/19/12 at 37wk, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5inches and Baby Reymundo born 10/7/13 at 35w6d, 6lbs 7oz, 19.5 inches. Momma of 5 angels. New siggy to come!

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May 19th, 2009, 08:45 PM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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WOW- I can see how that could/would cut real deep. I don't think men always get how something like a loss can really impact us. Sometimes they say stuff and think it's really not a big deal. Im sure it's because they haven't had the emotional attachment like we get.
Im so sorry he said that to you. Have you talked to him to let him know how his words hurt you?
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