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I don't know what to feel......

Forum: Pregnancy Loss


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May 26th, 2009, 07:57 AM
LIZZYI's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 1,533
Hi Ladies....I just need to share.

So yesterday I stop at my MIL's to say hi to my brother in law (DH's brother) and his wife who were visiting from out of state (they just got married in April but have a 2 yo daughter) I'm close to my in laws so I was excited to see them. I noticed that my new sister in law was very quiet but didn't really think much of it. When they left I asked my DH if he noticed that she seemed not herself. He said yes, looked at me with a blank expression and told me she was pregnant. My heart sank to floor. I would have busted out crying right there if it wasn't for me sitting in my MIL's living room. DH sees I'm upset and says "you should be happy for them" It's not that I'm not happy for them, because I truly am, I love them. I don't know what I feel. Is it jealousy?? I don't know, I can't describe it. It's like my heart has been ripped from my chest. To top it off, I took a HPT that morning and it was -. Maybe I'm so emotional about it because I am PMS'ing. I hate feeling this way. I haven't stopped thinking about it since DH told me.

Thanks for listening.......
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May 26th, 2009, 08:07 AM
momof8lopez's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: illinois
Posts: 8,894
It does suck when it is so close to home. I went through this right after my loss, about a week after, my SIL announced she was pg. I was happy for her, they had been trying for 4yrs, and she is 41. But it still hurt and I felt that jealosly as well. Shortly after, she lost her baby just like me, after seeing the heartbeat. I was so sad and felt guilty that I even felt that way to begin with. I hope this part gets easier as time goes on, cause when its family, I trully do want to be happy for them.
momma of 8 beautiful children now. Most recent is Jerry Jr. born 11/19/12 at 37wk, 7lbs 6oz and 19.5inches and Baby Reymundo born 10/7/13 at 35w6d, 6lbs 7oz, 19.5 inches. Momma of 5 angels. New siggy to come!

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May 26th, 2009, 09:28 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
It's always hard when you are reminded of what you don't have because someone else has it. And it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. It doesn't mean that you won't be excited for this baby and love it, but you miss your baby. You're happy for them, but your hurt more for yourself, and that's normal.

Thanks to babydoll213 for the siggy! My kids' blog Cora's blog

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May 26th, 2009, 12:22 PM
Momeejenjen's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Spring Hill, TN
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I had the same thing happen. Then when my SIL miscarried I felt worse. I know its difficult but I also think its very normal! ((HUGS))
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May 26th, 2009, 01:36 PM
AtomicMama's Avatar CopperBoom!
Join Date: May 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 14,754
What a hard situation to go through. Especially when you ARE excited for your BIL and SIL, but it's so hard to adequately express that when you are also missing your own baby so much.
Amy: Wife to my Handsome Husband Mommy to my superhero, Max (3) and Luckiest Bonus Mama to Sammy (5)

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May 26th, 2009, 04:23 PM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Dallas, Oregon
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Been there done that! I lost Annika in Nov and by Jan 3 siblings were expecting. I was jealous, mad, devasted and anything and everything in between. I wish I could say I was happy for them but I wasn't. None of them were planned, none of them were in a position to have another baby. I love my nephews and wouldn't trade any of them for the world...it was just so hard. Annika was planned and we could afford to take care of her. Tho, I was the one left with empty arms.
It took me a long time to get past my jealous.
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May 27th, 2009, 05:02 AM
LIZZYI's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: New York
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Thanks for all your support ladies!
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May 27th, 2009, 08:30 AM
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 31
It is hard. I know the feeling. During all of my miscarriages someone around me has either been pregnant or found out they were pregnant. But it is normal. Husbands don't realize what a toll on our emotions that these miscarriages take. I know the day that I passed my babies my brother and is wife came over (since I was at my mom's) with the ultrasound showing they were having a boy. Then since my husband and I are the only ones without babies in the family it hurts. I mean we have a 4 yr old little boy that we are raising but he isn't ours.

You might want to talk to your sister in law and tell her that you are happy for her. But then explain to her if you seem somewhat upset of distant that it is because of your loss. Maybe she will be understanding and help you through this. Then by the time the baby comes you will feel more content.

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