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First miscarriage... at a loss here. How did you feel? Overwhelmed...

Forum: Pregnancy Loss


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January 31st, 2013, 08:01 AM
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 136
Hey there. My name is Lexie. I was originally known on these boards at mrsfitz31b, but after a divorce I didn't want the same name. My son is going to be 2 in march, and just these last few weeks I found out that I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I were both shocked but excited and we told our families... and then last weekend I just knew something was wrong and I didn't feel pregnant so I went to the ER because I was in a lot of pain. I was told I wasn't pregnant, even though my beta numbers said I was, they had horrible bedside manner, they did a pelvic and told me I had PID from my IUD (which was removed several months ago because it was embedding), and they gave me a few shots and some antibiotics and sent me on my way. I was in my 5th week, almost to my 6th.

I didn't realize that I would take this so hard... I feel like someone has died and there's no funeral. I don't know how to function properly right now without feeling the sting whenever someone walks by that is pregnant, or has a small baby with them. And several of my friends are announcing their pregnancies and I just find myself angry. Is this normal... to feel this kind of grief over something that never actually was?

I just am looking for some support and some words of wisdom from those that have experienced losses. I don't know where to go or what to do, and I feel like my mood is driving my BF crazy, though he's been amazing and supportive and insists that it was his baby lost too and I'm not alone. I just feel like I'm taking this so much harder than I have any right to and I should just get over it.

Thanks for any advice if you have it. It's appreciate.

(I'm also scared to go see my DR today because they did a repeat panel of blood work, since the ER just did a urine test that came back neg- I am bleeding heavily now so I know I miscarried, but I am wondering what would make them HAVE to see me so quickly- I was told there was no STD's or anything... I'm hoping the mirena didn't mess me up completely. That would be just as devastating if not more so than losing this baby.)

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart.)

Last edited by LexnessMomstah; January 31st, 2013 at 08:26 AM.
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February 1st, 2013, 09:23 AM
Just keep breathing.
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,734
Giant hugs to you. I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

Everything you are feeling is completely normal and valid. Yes, it's normal to be angry. It's normal to be upset when you see a pregnant woman or young baby. It's absolutely normal and okay to be grieving, since this IS a real loss, and someone did die. It doesn't matter that it was 6 weeks, your grief is still real and important. You have a right to feel whatever you feel. You don't get just a certain allotment. You simply can't measure grief.

I think even when your pregnancy is unexpected, even if it wasn't very far along, you still shift in your life, staring along a new path and journey, considering this new person in your life. When that new path ends, it's impossible to just skip back onto your "old" path like nothing happened.

As far as what to do now, really, you don't have to do much of anything. Just take things one day at a time. As best as you can, be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself- good food, drink plenty of water, sleep if you can. Reduce any stressors that you can- leave the dishes in the sink, don't overschedule activities, avoid seeing people who drain you. If you work outside the home, it's okay to do just the bare minimum at your job to get by and get things done, and not volunteer for extras. If finances allow, get a little extra help- a babysitter, a cleaning lady, grocery delivery.

There's simply no easy way through this. This poem gave me some comfort:

Child miscarriage support and child death support website. The grief of child loss

Again, I'm so very sorry.
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