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Didn't Cry Today...


Forum: Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
May 13th, 2007, 08:32 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 179
I was afraid I would because I made myself go to champagne bruch to celebrate today. It was my first time out of the house since Thursday evening and the horrible events that followed on Friday morning. I think I did OK but I was quite uncomfortable and started to bleed after a while. Then again, I killed all kinds of pain with the free champagne flow and a Motrin 800. SO was fantastic. He acted as my "runner" - getting all my food requests so I didn't have to get up and walk around.

Came home and passed out for a while. Now that I'm up, I feel kinda numb. Maybe that's because it's so fresh. On the other hand I feel like I was a bit prepared for this because we had a two week bout of spotting that the DR initiallly thought was the start of a M/C (until the growth proved otherwise). I never let go of the pessimism - just in case... Well, just in case - happened and I'm having an internal battle over being sad that I lost my baby and being glad that I didn't bring a physically challenged child into the world. My mind doesn't know whether to cry or celebrate. Is that horrible?

As I'm typing this out, it has occured to me that maybe I should celebrate. I SHOULD celebrate the fact that I know I CAN get pregnant. I should CELEBRATE the fact that I was able to FEEL a LIFE inside of me. I SHOULD CELEBRATE the fact that something really horrible didn't go wrong and leave me without the opportunity to TRY AGAIN!!!

...there... I feel better.
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  #2  
May 13th, 2007, 09:43 PM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, Oregon
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I love your optimism in the mist of grief. It's difficult at times but I like to think the same way. I think it helps me through the really rough days. It gives me hope that I won't be destined with empty arms forever.

I wish I could say I didn't cry today. I held up fine until my bf text me "Happy Mother's Day". It did my heart good knowing that not everyone forgot that I had a baby and I was a mommie too. About an hour afterwards and minutes b4 we were to go have brunch w/ my MIL it hit me. HARD! I cried and cried like I hadn't done in a long time. Sometimes I feel like days like today are a cruel reminder of what I lost.

Keep up your optimism...like I said, it will help you during those difficult days.
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