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Forum: Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
May 15th, 2007, 01:49 PM
Regular
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2
Hi,

I have never written anything on a message board before, but today I'm feeling the need to. I found out I was pregnant for the first time in late March with the due date in November. We were trying for awhile and were so excited. We told our immediate families soon after (we are close and it would have been really hard not to) and most of our friends and family around 10 weeks. I had my first dr appt mid April and had blood work done and an internal exam, where I was told that my uterus "felt like it should at 8 weeks".

So, my next appt. wasn't until yesterday. During the past month I felt tired, my boobs were sore and I would occasionally feel nauseous in the morning. But, I kept thinking...I really don't feel that bad, which made me wonder if everything was okay. Many people reassured me that their pregnancies were easy too and that they didn't have morning sickness and that I was "lucky". I didn't sign up for any message boards but would often read what others due around the same time were experiencing...morning sickness, food cravings, etc. I would think, shouldn't I be experiencing the same things?

What kept me going was knowing that at my next appt. I was going to hear the heartbeat, and that I would feel so much better after that. This past weekend (with the appt. scheduled for Monday), I started to notice a slight tint of color when I went to the bathroom. I read up on this and it said that some spotting or bleeding can occur and that it can often happen when your normal cycle would have occurred, which made sense. I called the on-call line for my doc just to be sure, and the doctor told me to "lay low" and not to worry too much. She suggested that I ask to have an ultrasound added on to my appt.

Late Sunday night, the tint changed to light to moderate bleeding, which was really scary but still I tried to stay positive. I went to my appt. Monday morning and I explained what had been happening to my doc. She told me to lay down and started listening for the heartbeat (she didn't explain what she was doing, but of course I knew exactly what it was and what she was looking for). After about 3 minutes, she turned it off and said "well, sometimes at this point (12 weeks) it can still be hard to hear anything, but at this point it could go either way". She found my husband who had just arrived and brought us both into the ultrasound room.

This is the part that went by so fast....the woman explained that she would be doing a vaginal ultrasound, I got undressed and it began. Within what seemed like 5 seconds, she had honed in on what appeared to be a small spot on my uterus. She enlarged the image and said "That is the fetus and I'm sorry, it doesn't have a heartbeat. It looks like it stopped developing at 6 weeks, 2 days."

And that was it. The doctor came back in and asked if I would prefer to let the process continue naturally (since I had already started bleeding) or would I prefer a D & C. I said I would just let it happen naturally. And then I put my clothes on and we left.

I am in shock and so sad for the baby and my husband and our family and friends. I feel awful that we told so many people and that they were so excited for us. I feel like I let down my parents, who were going to have their very first grandchild. I feel stupid that I have lived every day for the past 8 weeks thinking that I was pregnant, when for the past 6 weeks the baby had stopped developing. I am sad that I let myself get excited and believe that this was really going to happen. And now I just feel lost.....where do you go from here?
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  #2  
May 15th, 2007, 04:09 PM
spicymustard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: California
Posts: 10,684
I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

Regarding how you told everybody; personally talking about what happened helped me a lot. It felt good to get it all out so maybe you can use them as a support system although they will probably not fully understand what you are going through.
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  #3  
May 15th, 2007, 06:01 PM
Shaustin's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 4,486
I am so so so sorry. I had a similar experience in that I had told my family and close friends, and really had no idea the baby had stopped developing. So many of us understand just how sad you feel. Just know that you haven't let anyone down, all of your family and friends are there to support you. I will be praying for you.
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  #4  
May 15th, 2007, 08:45 PM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 15,851
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. My loss journal above may be of some help to you. I had a missed miscarriage at 14w. My baby stopped growing at 11w. It SUCKS It took me 3 weeks of carrying a baby that no longer was alive to have my m/c. And then after 5 days of a natural m/c I still needed a D&C. Would I do it differently and have the D&C knowing what I know....not for a second. I needed to physically feel the pain that was motionally consuming me.

Where do you go from here? Emotionally....you just take it day by day. Somedays are bad, some are tolerable. It does get a little easier and the sadness and grief gets less intense. It's only been two months since my loss, but that's my experience. I say that and I sit here with tears in my eyes for your baby

This board has been such a comfort to me. There is a chat on Sunday's from 7-9 and the couple times I have logged in have been soooo worth it. Some of the ladies here and just so understanding. We have all been in the same hell no matter what type of loss we have had.

Again.... I am really very sorry....

Hugs to you and your family

Bobbie
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step-mom to: Stephany (24) and Krista (21)
step-grandma to: Wesley, Rosemarie, Scarlett



On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon.
If you would like to see pictures of my sweet (but tiny) boy they can be viewed at www.caringbridge.org/visit/noahdarrohn they aren't the easiest pictures to look at but I am willing to share them with anyone who would like to see them <3
On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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  #5  
May 15th, 2007, 09:29 PM
briena's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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im so sorry to hear about your loss the ultrasounds are so hard
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  #6  
May 15th, 2007, 10:34 PM
iamkc's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Montana
Posts: 8,137
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I'm so sorry. To get your hopes up, to invest so much time and love, and to have it taken away...there are no words for how much pain you're experiencing.

Perhaps letting your family in on it was a good thing and they'll be available to support you. I hope that this is the case; you said that you all are close, so I'm sure that they'll be there should you need anything. And sweetie, how could you know that anything was wrong?! Some pregnancies really are easier. SOME women go into labor thinking that they're having a horrible period, only to FIND OUT that they're pregnant at the hospital because they never really had much going on. I hope that you cut yourself a break because right now is when you need it.

((((((HUGS))))) and I hope that you're taking care of yourself right now.
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  #7  
May 16th, 2007, 07:21 AM
Nadine41's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 235
I am so very sorry for what has happened to you. I know that there are no words at the immediate moment that can soothe this pain. What happened to you was not your fault, please believe that. You had every right to feel excited and happy about being pregnant, as you have every right to sadness, upset and pain that you are feeling right now. It is very helpful to be able to cry it out, talk it out and or even yell it out if you have to. I am new at this, but some of the ladies here have been dealing with their losses for quite some time. I don't think it ever leaves you. I have found their insights and comments to be so supportive and helpful. Sometimes I just sit and read and other time I post. I know you will find a lot of support here, along with the support of your family.
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  #8  
May 16th, 2007, 07:55 AM
ange2006's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 360
I'm so sorry about your loss. I hope you can find peace and hope here. The ladies are very helpful. I remember my u/s and it's horrible. It does get better day by day. Only take one day at a time. It's hard I'm not going to lie but just remember it will get better in time.
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  #9  
May 16th, 2007, 08:25 AM
Regular
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2
Thank you for all of your comments and support, it is exactly what I needed to hear
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  #10  
May 16th, 2007, 11:14 AM
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 13
Quote:
Thank you for all of your comments and support, it is exactly what I needed to hear [/b]

I'm so happy to be reading this message right now. Yesterday was my first OB appt (7w5d) and the u/s showed an empty gestational sac - a missed miscarriage. Now, I'm in a waiting time for this to expel from my body or go for a d&c. I'm in shock.
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  #11  
May 16th, 2007, 06:03 PM
Astrid's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 27,408
Well, I can't even begin to tell you how similar our stories sound. I found out we were pg & told our family & friends only for it to end a month later. As you, this was all of our parents' 1st grandbaby. They were so excited & when I finally started to m/c, it was devastating to all of us. I found JM right when we thought I might be pg & then I got attached. Then we m/c & it was so hard to let everyone down. I feel your pain! Please know we are all here for you. This board saved me during my darkest hours & hopefully you will find the support you need. I can only say how sorry I am that you are going through this. To find women finding us is heart breaking. If you need anything, please let me know!

My thoughts & prayers w/ you!
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  #12  
May 17th, 2007, 01:15 PM
MyAngelHayden's Avatar Veteran
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<span style="font-family:Tahoma">I'm so sorry for your loss! (((HUGS)))

Heather
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