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Forum: Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
May 16th, 2007, 10:05 AM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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When each of us lost our little ones we all felt a range of emotions. Those initial feelings could have varied from deep sadness to anger, guilt or maybe even denial.


My ? this week is...

What was the initial feeling you felt when you found out you lost your baby?


I know sadness if probably one of those feelings that seems to be tied to our hearts for an etenity but I'm also aware that it's not always the first emotion/feeling that hits us.

I think I felt more confused than sad when the Dr said they couldn't get Annika to breathe. "What? What do you mean? She had a healthy heart beat moments before we delivered. Not my baby!?!? Can't you help her or put her on a breathing machine? "
I don't think I ever voiced those ?'s but I know that is what was running through my mind. I just couldn't understand or comprehend what was going on around me. I was so calm. Yet, I really didn't grasp what was going on or the magnitude these last few hours would eventually play on my every waking moment.
The delivery room had 15+ people in there and I just figured we'd have our baby early and she'd be taken to the children's hopsital in Portland. When that didn't happen I felt so completely lost. This wasn't suppose to be happening to me.

Soon a range of emotions rushed over me but confusion was what I first felt.
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  #2  
May 16th, 2007, 10:21 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
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I suppose confusion is a good word. My initial reaction when my doctor told me she didn't have a heart beat (even though I knew that's what he would say, as she hadn't responded to anything ALL DAY...deep down I just knew) was that it was a big joke. And then...my world fell apart. Everything I believed was right and fair completely shattered. In an unvoiced prayer I demanded that God bring her back, that it was cruel, that it just couldn't happen. How could got be a just God if He'd take my baby away from me, while letting others who want/love/take care of theirs keep their babies?

I have spent the last year "reconstructing" my view of the universe. I think I'd describe my initial feelings as "lost."
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  #3  
May 16th, 2007, 05:41 PM
Astrid's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh, this is one good question. Honestly, when we started to DTD, I had a feeling that I would spot like the dr said could happen. When I went & wiped, I was like, "OK, he was right. I'm spotting." From that point on, I felt NO HOPE. Something deep down inside of me told me that the pgcy wasn't going to last. I had no feelings that we would get a positive result from it all so when we went for our 2nd u/s & found a strong h/b, we were both shocked but worried at the same time. Even then, w/ that little shread of hope, I knew...I knew that it was over. Sure enough, 12 hrs later the m/c started. So, I guess my very 1st feeling was dread. Pure dread. I knew that it was over.
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  #4  
May 16th, 2007, 08:40 PM
*Bobbie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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The initial feeling was "the see I TOLD YOU SO". I told my dr's the baby had no hb....they all thought I was nuts and humored me by giving me another u/s.

After that it was the soul wretching grief. The feeling like someone knocked the wind out of me
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On 1/31/12 at exactly 16 weeks pregnant Noah came too soon.
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On August 2, 2012 we lost Sarah at 17 weeks. Her pictures can be viewed at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sarahdarrohn
There is no known explanation for my losses.

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  #5  
May 17th, 2007, 12:34 AM
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Initially, I was so upset that I don't remember what I was thinking at first. But then I started having all of these doubts about myself....I waited too long to have another baby, I'm too old or overweight, etc.....The self-doubt was the worst and it still is to a degree. It's only been a little over a week and I'm still having some of the self-doubt, negative self-talk...
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  #6  
May 17th, 2007, 11:37 AM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks for responding ladies. I know this wasn't an easy ?, at least not for me. Yet, by being able to actually look back an evaluate what has happened shows me how far I've come in the last 6mo.
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