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Forum: Pregnancy Loss

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  #1  
May 17th, 2007, 11:30 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
I haven't posted a lot here recently, and noticed many new members. I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with a loss and have had to come to this board. I know when I was going through my various losses this board, and the ladies here, were a huge support during that dark time. Pg loss is the hardest thing I've ever had to endure and when I was in the midst of it I didn't think I'd ever see the end of the tunnel (or a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel). I had 3 losses in a span of 9 months last year.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but I wanted to encourage you to hold on, and NEVER give up. Yes, the grief will always be there. Yes you will have bad days and good days, and it's a 2 steps forward and 1 step back process. Yes, you will feel an immense grief and pain that will consume you, but if you allow yourself...the pain will subside and you will realize that life is organic and moves ahead. You will NEVER forget your baby, no matter how much time has passed. You will never replace your baby if and when the time comes to TTC. You aren't alone and while it may be hard...reach out for help when you need it. There's no reason you should have to suffer alone and quietly...that's the beauty of JM. (((hugs)))

It's been a long 1.5yrs for DH & I, and while it hurt to go through everything and I constantly questioned why it was happening to me after 6yrs of infertility, I became a changed person. You will find a newly discovered strength and courage, and if you allow yourself, an intense feeling of pride in knowing that you can deal and accomplish anything you put your heart and mind to. Embrace the new you and your changes. You will never be the person you once were. You will become new and improved with wisdom and insight beyond your years. Don't be afraid to forgive yourself, and allow yourself to heal. It's all too easy to allow the grief to consume you and hold you back. That's the last thing you baby would want for you.

There are various stages of grief and healing, and I honestly think I've been through all the stages now. Hold fast...there is hope.

When I was going through my losses I was so frustrated because I was constantly surrounded by people who could get pg and pop out babies with no effort or loss. My mom had 4 children and she never had to go through TTC or the pain that comes with countless BFN's and pg loss. When I had my losses I never thought she got my pain. I felt so alone. She was always making comments about how I'd have another baby and "this time shall pass". It drove me nuts and I felt such an intense anger whenever I heard comments like that.

Well, this week I was a bridal shower for my younger sister and the conversation at our table turned to my pregnancy, and a woman asked my mom if this was the 1st grandchild in the family, and to my shock my mom said "No". She then went on to say that she had 3 grandbabies in heaven and this was our 1st grandbaby on earth. I started to tear up, because I then realized that she did get it. Here I was going through my grief and forgot that my family & friends were also grieving with me. However, I was sooooo caught up in my own grief that I ignored the fact that people grieve differently than I do. Just because I didn't see them grieving or talking about my babies didn't mean that they didn't feel the pain. I realized that my family was devastated from the losses, but they dealt with it differently than me. I learned that I was placing expectations on people when I was so busy feeling sorry for myself thinking they were making me feel alone. It was an empowering night and really enforced the truth that I wasn't alone.

I don't know why I wrote all this, but I wanted to share some things I've learned and wanted to encourage you to keep persevering. Don't ever lose hope. I know I will never be able to replace my angels, but I know that the baby I'm now carrying has 3 angels in heaven. Yes, I miss my angels, but I also know that they were spared a horrible and painful life (I found the cause of my losses was a genetic condition that I'm a carrier for. I have a balanced translocation in 2 of my chromosomes).

I wish you all the best as you continue down the journey of healing. You've not alone.

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  #2  
May 17th, 2007, 11:34 AM
Brittanie's Avatar just me
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 43,573
Can I just ditto all of this?

Such wonderful advice Nicole! You are a wonderful person, and I'm SO glad that you are finally able to carry a healthy baby, and come August, hold that baby in your arms!
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  #3  
May 17th, 2007, 11:47 AM
SheilaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Dallas, Oregon
Posts: 7,100
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Wow! Thanks for all the sweet, kind words. I first thought this would really be a source of inspirtation for all the new members until I read about how our families are grieving as well, just differently. That really hit home.

Good to hear from you sweetie!!
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