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September 20th, 2008, 11:47 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
that now that you have your miracle baby that people often act like it "makes it all okay"?

From before I even had Jonah (like after I was well into my 2sd trimester) I got the feeling from people that this should "make it all okay". For me - it has helped me immensely to have a baby - because frankly I wanted to be a mom to a living child more than anything - and of course this did fulfill that. It did not erase all of the heartache from the babies I never got to hold though - it never could. It also doesn't change the fact that I want a lot of children & that is probably not possible for me - at least not for me to carry those babies. They also act like something got "fixed" despite my explanation of the situation (that Dh has a chromosomal abnormality that really cannot be treated except with IVF & PGD) - yet people insist on forgetting that detail & acting like if I wanted another baby we could just go ahead & have one. I guess I just find that a bit frustrating....
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet

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September 21st, 2008, 01:05 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Thunder Bay, ON
Posts: 10,098
Those are the people who have never experienced what you have. They have no idea at all.

My parents were like that and sometimes even my dh. I just ignore them because they have no idea how i feel about anything.

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September 22nd, 2008, 03:30 PM
Gaby&Emmy'sMama's Avatar aka NZ-Emma
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Christchurch, NZ
Posts: 56,618
I find that with a lot of people..... I think mainly it's people who haven't experienced pregnancy loss/es...

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September 24th, 2008, 08:30 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
I've found that more with the people who haven't had a loss, than with those who have (except one friend I work with who thinks I should forget it like she did). I think I'll always be the only one who truly remembers them, though, and that's a bit sad.
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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October 12th, 2008, 11:11 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Thunder Bay, ON
Posts: 10,098
Its' true Kathryn, i feel like that too, that i will be the only one to remember. Although the odd time my husband does bring it up but not in a way i want to discuss with him. He is matter of factly about it, and most times that ticks meoff.
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October 27th, 2008, 09:31 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
I get comments like that all the time. Especially now that I'm pg again and things are going so well. Now I'm getting "looks like you're body just needed a kick start" or "now that you've had a baby your body knows what to do". Excuse me, but my body always knew what to do, hence the missed m/c I had. My body wouldn't give up on the baby so I had to have a D&C. I have a freakin' genetic condition people, my body is fine, it's my genes that are freakish. It's a crap shoot...a numbers game for me. The fact that this pregnancy is going so well it like getting struck by lightening twice. It has nothing to do with my body knowing what to do.

The comments hurt because it's like it dismisses my 3 other babies and people act like Makenna is my only child. I still tear up when I think of Makenna's older siblings and how she'll get to be a big sister but her older siblings will never get to have that chance here on earth. Maybe it's the hormones, or maybe it's just that I'm being reflective lately, but I think of my 3 babies often these days.

The look of shock on people's faces when I tell them this is my 5th pregnancy is surprising. I'm in a good place now and feel comfortable sharing when the chance arises. I figure people will only forget my babies if I keep quiet.
Thank you Claire1977 for my adorable siggy
For the special little one in your life!
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