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Do you parent differently?

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July 26th, 2007, 08:15 PM
srs srs is offline
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Especially for those of you who have older kids, do you parent differently because of your losses? I swore I wasn't going to, but I think I do. I'm much less likely to go for anything like cry it out, because I worked so hard to get this baby, that I'm not about to make her life miserable. It seems like that keeps coming up for me.

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July 26th, 2007, 08:36 PM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 5,480
I think I do. I have to check on the sleeping kids every time I wake up to make sure that they are breathing. Especially if DD sleeps a hair longer than normal I am worried that something is wrong. I don't think I would be quite so worried about them being taken from me if I hadn't had it happen before. I worry every day that everything is going too perfect now and that at any moment it will be ripped away- like one of us will die unexpectedly or be dx'ed with an illness, or something of that nature. I know it isn't rational to worry as much as I do, but I can't help it. I also feel like I am a horrible mother because I have to let DS cry it out- though it isn't really crying, just calling for me until he gives up and falls asleep. It just breaks my heart to let him keep calling, but if I go in (and there is NEVER anything wrong, he just doesn't want to go to sleep) then it just continues longer and he wants to play around. Rationally I know that if I ignore him, he will eventually go to bed without all of the production, but it is SO hard for me to do that. DD, well, she is ONLY happy with me. Everyone thinks I am spoiling her by holding her all of the time, but she screams like I have betrayed her if I don't. I feel guilty enough when she cries during our car trips (none longer than 1/2 hour), but I know I can't confine myself to the house with the kids just because she doesn't like being in her car seat. I also think we spoil our kids (mostly DS) more than we would otherwise. He gets to do so many things and a lot of times we go places that he picks out. I want to make sure that the kids get to do a lot of things while they are young and that they will never be able to say that we didn't do anything with them or that we didn't spend enough time with them. Not that I wouldn't feel that way normally, but I think that we are maybe more committed to doing so because of our losses.

10/31/05 (EDD 5/15/06), 4/17/06 (EDD 11/13/06)
Chemical p/g 1/11/08

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July 27th, 2007, 08:15 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
I'm definitely more appreciative of the little things than I was when Ben was a baby. Now I'm truly cherishing each moment with both boys. It's a change for the better.
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
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July 27th, 2007, 10:54 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 2,423
Nope. I am not different at all. Brandon is 18 and Nicholas is only 1 and I parent them differently because they are different people. They have different personalities and each has their own needs. I am of course more appreciative of both of them knowing what I went through to get them here but as a mother I think I do things the same way I would had I not lost so many others. I am of course MUCH older this time around so I think that I am a more mature person and that effects the way I do things.

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July 29th, 2007, 06:33 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
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I think I parent differently in a few ways maybe. Because we may never have another baby I spend as much time as possible with him. I take a million photos, I am home whenever I can be & the one time I went out for a couple hours with friends for dinner - I was miserable. I don't feel guilty - I know he is FINE - it's me that is missing out. I can't see that changing too much. I think if I thought I could do this as often as I wanted to - maybe I wouldn't hold him for an hour after he's fallen asleep. Maybe I wouldn't spend so much time laying on the floor with him exchanging jibberish. Maybe I wouldn't let the laundry pile to the ceiling before I even cared. I am not sure if it's good for him or not - but I know it's great for me.
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet

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