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Frustrated. Not sure what to do...

Forum: Christian Parenting


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August 30th, 2010, 08:33 PM
~LaurenNoel~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 7,909
I have been to a few different churches in our area over the years. We (DH, Wes, and I) are now going to the church where I was dedicated as an infant, and we have been going there for a few years.

My mom and her husband have been going there for years as well. Normally we like to meet-up after church, and we do lunch sometimes. I noticed they were missing a few Sundays in a row, but I just figured they were really busy or something. Finally, I got up the nerve yesterday to ask her if something happened.

Some situations occurred apparently that rubbed them the wrong way. To make a long story short, the church is more and more concerned with having a fancy interior, and choose to focus on that instead of helping the members of the church. My parents spent months raising money to help out members with cancer by doing a benefit ride, but the church never made an announcement or allowed them to make posters or anything. They only raised $200, then the church spent 500k to redecorate. Members have called in begging for help because their lights are being turned off, and no one ever calls them back. I have experienced it too. I posted that I really needed a part-time job and would love to babysit or help in the nursery. One of the pastors offered me a job, and I was so excited. He never called me back about it, and now avoids me in church. He should at least have talked to me if something changed.

It's just sad that it is becoming so impersonal. It's a good-sized church, they could have even a small fund to help out members in crisis. Now my mom will not go, and is uncertain where to turn, since most of the other churches are the same way.

Sorry this turned into a long post. I'm just not sure what to think of any of this.
///...........................Lauren, wife to Jay, mom to Wesley and Ruby


................ ...

Wesley (7.16.09) Severe GERD, FTT, Gastroparesis, Sensory Processing issues, Tube fed, (G tube currently), suspected Mitochondrial Disease, trialing Gastric Stimulator. Nissen Fundoplication 7/2012
Ruby (2.16.11)
Nissen Fundoplication and Hiatal hernia repair 10/25/11
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August 31st, 2010, 06:34 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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We have churches like that here too. I wish I had some advice, but really we just avoid those churches.

Thanks to Jaidynsmum for my siggy!
Proud former foster parent to a teen. Waiting on our next call. Proud Aunt to 22.
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August 31st, 2010, 11:07 AM
happymomof4's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 367
Will pray for you and you family. I feel that way sometimes with our church. I think churches can get to big for there own good.
Have a wonderful day in Christ.


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August 31st, 2010, 06:07 PM
~InHisHands~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: US - Alabama
Posts: 12,675
That is really sad & very ungodly.

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August 31st, 2010, 08:59 PM
Mattiez's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,422
I 'm sorry you are having troubles with your church.
I am not sure what all to say. Obviously this is something that has upset your mother a great deal. So what is your Mom planning on doing. Is she just taking some time to cool off, or is she looking for another church, or has she quit going to church all together?

First off, really pray about it and follow God's guidance.
You kind of need to make a decision on how important this issue is to you. If it is not that important then let it blow over. If it IS very important to you then you need to ask is this SO important that I won't go to this church unless something changes.
You may want to ask yourself how you feel about the church as a whole.
Do you enjoy going?
Does your family enjoy going with you?
Do you grow from being there?
Do you learn something from going.
Can you contribute back to the church?
Do you feel like you belong at the church?
Is it teaching the word of God?

If you are learning and growing and happy in the church, except for this one area, then you may want to speak to the pastor or a an elder of the church about the problems you are seeing. You could always email him to give you time to think about what to say and phrase it correctly. Maybe there is something that you could suggest or volunteer to do to help remedy the problem.

If you are not real happy with the church over all and this is just one more thing to add to your list, then it might be time to start looking for a new church. It is always hard finding new churches but God will direct you in the paths you should go.

I'm praying for you.
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September 2nd, 2010, 10:47 AM
~LaurenNoel~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 7,909
Thank you all for your support and advice. My mother and FIL tried to talk to the pastor about this issue (mine you, my mom has known him for 25 years), and it took 2 weeks for the pastor's SECRETARY to even call them back. The whole thing is just frustrating. DH and I will probably start looking for a new church. I think my mom and FIL are taking a little breather, and they will start looking too. Ideally, we would end up in the same place, but it is unlikely to happen again because we are 45 minutes away from each other. The other church just happened to be in between us, distance wise.
///...........................Lauren, wife to Jay, mom to Wesley and Ruby


................ ...

Wesley (7.16.09) Severe GERD, FTT, Gastroparesis, Sensory Processing issues, Tube fed, (G tube currently), suspected Mitochondrial Disease, trialing Gastric Stimulator. Nissen Fundoplication 7/2012
Ruby (2.16.11)
Nissen Fundoplication and Hiatal hernia repair 10/25/11
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September 2nd, 2010, 06:41 PM
Mattiez's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,422
Pray about a new chruch. Also let God know about your wish to hopefully be in the same church as your Parents.

Here is a story of one of our church hunts. We are military so we move a lot.
We had just moved to the windward side of Hawaii. There are just small towns and small churches. I was really praying that we could find a church to be a part of. I was trying to be open minded and flexible so I tried to figure out what was the most important things to me. My top 4 were...
1. a church that DH would attend with me.
2. A church that I could have an active part in
3. A church that was alive in the spirit
4. ...I forgot what the 4th was...

Anyway we started looking around. Right at the corner near us was a little, kind of cute, Episcopalian Church DH said he wanted to try. OK fine we will try it. (then we will go on to a "real" church) I said to myself. I actually enjoyed it, but they had only an interim preacher. Who knows what their real preacher will end up being. Dh wanted to go back and back. I was starting to get distresses. I like the church with the interim preacher but I wanted to get settled in a "real" church home. I was praying over my delima one day when the Lord said," what did you ask for?" A little annoyed, I ran down my list. ( like God couldn't remember) Then He asked me, "What did you get?" "well I got......."
At that point it hit me, I had gotten everything I had asked for.
But Lord it's..........Episcopalian!!!!!!!! ( And you know they have an interim preacher, right????)
Then I came to the realization that God did know it was Episcopalian, and there was an interim preacher and who the final preacher would eventually be.
Alright, alright, I get it!!!!

I have to admit that it was probably the best church and best for us that we have found. I ended up starting a Jr. High youth group, teaching Sunday school, being a part of the ladies bible study with some absolutely incredible Hawaiian women.
It was one I would have never considered if it hadn't been for the Lord's direction.

So find out what is really important to you and pray over it and be open to the Lord's lead and to churches that you might not have thought of before.

God's blessing in what ever you decide to do.

Last edited by Mattiez; September 2nd, 2010 at 06:47 PM.
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September 2nd, 2010, 06:53 PM
kellysheree's Avatar balls to the wall
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Shelbyville, Kentucky
Posts: 715
Good luck finding a new church, I'll be praying for you. I know how hard it is to find one that both you and DH love, it was hard for us!

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September 2nd, 2010, 10:40 PM
3TeamH's Avatar Hayley
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 6,509
Check out the acts29network.org website to maybe help you find a new church. I am sorry to hear that your church is going down that path, it must be very difficult. Acts 29 is much more missional based and thats where most of the tithing of both churches I've attended has gone to.

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