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Raising your girls differently than your boys

Forum: Christian Parenting


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  • 1 Post By Countrymom4

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November 16th, 2012, 11:34 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,084
Here's a topic I haven't really seen covered here (in recent memory anyways) It came up in discussion with DH about how we plan to raise our children.

The issue how you raise your children of different genders differently based on biblical principles. Looking at it from a 'skill building' perspective dh and I disagree. I feel that regardless of gender I will teach my children household management skills, but he wants this emphasized with any girls we have. I also want my girls to learn labour skills around the house/yard just like we may teach any boy.

From a spiritual perspective it's important to me to teach my children about what God wants from each of them, but I do not feel strongly that this means they HAVE to carry out specific duties in a household if this is not what makes them happy. More so to discover what values are important to them, and develop a relationship with Christ. (as well as Christ centered relationships as they get older) I also want my daughters to be educated, and to work in a career that brings them joy if that's what they want to do.

For example from the discussion we had tonight, DH feels that any time I need help in the kitchen automatically that job goes to our daughter over our son (assuming we have one of each) same goes when we have guests, teaching our girls to host and serve them vs. teaching this to boys.

I guess I'm just curious what you all do/plan to do with your children of different genders. Has this come up? Do you enforce different chores/expectations based on interest, age and skill, or based on gender? What is your perspective of what the Bible says on this? Is it still relevant/important....

My beliefs on this subject are largely based on how I was raised, in a Christian home with a working mom. I don't think the only way a family can function in a biblical way is for the wife to be forced into doing all the cooking, cleaning and serving while the men sit about... Oddly enough it's not even how DH was raised... it's so foreign to me that he thinks this way. Just needing a little perspective I think!

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November 17th, 2012, 08:05 AM
Countrymom4's Avatar Chrystal
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 3,639
Good topic !!

I think we raise our children the same, We want them all to be stonge christians. Our boys do help in the kitchen alot, and my girls help in the feed lot equally.

For us I think it is good for the girls to be "skill building", That is DH/our life. The girls go help him they have bonding time, the grils come back feeling important to their father and feel happy by the praise dad gives them for driving the truck or whatever it is.

Same with the boys right now both love gardening. Every morning they would come with me to pick the days harvest. DS#1 helpedc ut all the beans for canning. He takes great pride in knowing he helped with our food. Every time we take a jar out he smiles.

I think in this day women want a man that can cook a egg if need be, take care of a baby once in a while and that can pick up after himself. our boys are not going to learn that unless we teach that.
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November 17th, 2012, 09:43 AM
Buggymom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,117
I think we have to raise our children to be self sufficient. That means teaching a boy how to do laundry and a girl how to cut the grass. We don't give our kids away to marriage as soon as they are able in this day in age. A girl should want to go to school and find a job that makes her happy so she can support herself before she gets married and has kids. Similarly, if a girl grows up, goes to college, has a career, gets married and has kids yet wants to stay home and be a homemaker...that should be up to her and okay too. If a man enjoys planting flowers and cooking then that's okay too. I think we are not to put anything above our families besides God and as long as we are truly doing that (men and women alike) than we are doing the right Christian thing. I know a lot of families don't have the option of one parent being at home.

As for me...I stay home and take care of my family...but I want to. Nobody forces me to do it and it works for our family. We make a ton of sacrifices financially and comfort wise (for example we only had 1 car for the first 3 years of Kayley's life). Life is very short and I consider it a blessing to have been able to stay home with my child. If I feel like I am bored I may one day get a part time job...until then I will cherish each moment as long as I can.

Kayley sometimes will tell me when she grows up she wants to be a mommy and stay home. I always tell her "Well, first you have to go to college and find a good job that you love...then if you marry and have kids and you still want that then you can do and be anything you want."
Trisha--proud stay at home mommy and wife.

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November 18th, 2012, 10:31 AM
2Corinthians10:4's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 12,959
I agree with both Trisha and Chrystal, we plan to teach our children equally because we want them to be self sufficient. I grew up helping my grandpa do repairs and watching him build houses and pour concrete. The only tool I was not allowed to use was a saw (table, skill, jig, etc.) and Dh is teaching me to use that soon But for all his manliness my grandpa also knows how to sew, because he had to help his mom out sometimes (who was a seamstress).

Thank you Kiliki for my beautiful siggy!

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November 18th, 2012, 07:43 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 584
I do think some jobs are more feminine than others and some are more masculine than others but when it comes to raising our children we do not divide who does what by sex. My boys like to help me do the laundry and quite frankly there are times when I really wish my husband felt the same way. They also like to help do dishes. For them it is mainly an opportunity to play in the water with bubbles when they are not in the bath but I fully encourage them. I think it would be handicapping our children to only teach boys what are considered manly jobs and girls girly jobs. Should one of my sons stay single until he is 26 I don't want him showing up on my doorstep every week with laundry for me to do because he was never taught how. I think everyone should learn to clean up after themselves which includes sorting and doing your laundry, cleaning your dishes, taking out the trash, sweeping the floors. Whether a boy or a girl, these are basic things. Now, don't get me wrong my oldest son has his own little lawn mower and he follows my husband around with it when he mows.

I understand how things in biblical days were different and men and women had separate work to do but our children are not leaving our homes in order to leave and cleave to a spouse these days. They are going to college across the country and gaining independence that was not available back then.

That being said, while both boys and girls should know the basics, I do believe that certain tasks should be emphasized with each child based on gender. Being a proper hostess can be a major boon for a husband someday. Does that mean the man should have no hosting skills? NO. But, in our home when we do have people over regardless of if they are my friends dh's friends or family he chats them up while I do drinks.
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November 19th, 2012, 05:05 AM
Rae-of-Sunshine's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,211
I agree with many of the previous posts that we need to teach them all to do both. The point that was made about our kids not marrying young anymore is a really good one. We can expect that our sons and daighters alike will probably live on their own for a bit before they get married. This means they both need to know how to clean a house/apartment, cook, do laundry, as well as keep up a yard, fix things that break, etc. Mine are too young to do much of that yet, but we certainly plan to teach them both. That was how I was raised. Now, when the chores were divided Saturday mornings, was it likely the girls who just before lunch were cut loose to go help mom make lunch. Sure. And we were more likely to be the ones doing the inside chores with her, but not all the time. My brothers did some too, and I did my shre of weeding, mowing grass, building stuff, etc.
"If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there shall Thy hand lead me and Thy right hand shall guide me."

Psalm 139:9-10
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November 19th, 2012, 09:19 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,084
I guess it never really occurred to me, but I did get married right out of highschool (I was 18) and now that we've moved I am home, so my role is VERY traditional. I believe that it's important for everyone to be equipped to take care of themselves but also their partner. I get really bothered by 'gender stereotyped roles' and yet here I am living one... happily mind you because it's my choice.

I guess I just always assumed that my kids will leave home with the life skills they need to be happy successful adults. regardless of gender! And I was really offended that DH was using biblical references to tell me our girls will be in the kitchen while our boys do hard labour in the yard. I just see that as such closed minded backwards thinking! It's not even really all that biblical... the verses I found that talk about women caring for the household all referred to caring for their children... not washing dishes.

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November 19th, 2012, 10:07 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 584
I understand completely. I happily married when I was 19 and had my first when I was 21. I also gladly stay home with our kids and homeschool. But, at the same time I do the majority of the lawn work so it is really nice to have a husband who can help with laundry and dishes!
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