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Pregnancy after adoption

Forum: Birth Moms


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June 29th, 2008, 08:06 PM
Live4Love's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 993
Even though I have been through a pregnancy before, this experience has been totally different for me emotionally because I know that my DH and I will be raising this child. During the other pregnancy, after I knew the couple that would be adopting the baby, that baby didn't feel like mine... but this one 100% does. In some ways this does feel like MY first pregnancy. Does that make sense?

It's a little awkward for me when people say "Is this your first?" When people I barely know ask me that during small talk, I never want to get into the whole story, so I have just been saying "This is my husband's and my first child"

What about you ladies? Have any of you experienced this?
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June 29th, 2008, 10:27 PM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 28,941
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Oh yes! I had such a hard time with it really. I spent a lot of nights crying myself to sleep because I was remourning the loss of enjoying that pregnancy, if that makes sense. It didn't help that the timing was exactly the same...Olivia, my birth daughter, was born December 4th and Leila was born December 7th. I just kept thinking I was 7 months pregnant at this time 9 years ago, etc. I compared and mourned everything from the kicks and ultrasounds to the heartbeat to the delivery and even holding my new sweet baby with tears of joy instead of tears of sadness and youth gone.

If you ever need to talk please PM me. The feelings you are feeling I found very hard to say to those around me that have no clue what I am saying.

Thanks *Kiliki* for the precious siggy!

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June 30th, 2008, 02:48 PM
melissa.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 6,144
Yes, I found it VERY hard to be pregnant again. I actually had to attend a support group for birth mothers while I was pregnant. I was really scared how I would handle having a baby that I was actually going to leave the hospital with. I was very scared of the feelings I would have. I didn't want to love this baby any more than I did my oldest daughter.

Obviously, everything ended up being fine emotionally. As a parent, it is impossible to love any child more than the other. I love all of my girls equally. My fears quickly went by the way-side when I had my second daughter. I was able to separate the two and deal with them separately.

It will all fall into place. Don't worry, hun. Although, I completely understand your feelings. It's such a hard battle because not many people have been through it. You most likely don't know anyone else who has been through your situation. That makes things really hard to deal with. We're here for you if you need to talk. Feel free to PM us anytime... this is a great support network.
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