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Forum: Birth Moms


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February 4th, 2009, 07:31 PM
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I am here because I feel that the mothers here are some of the strongest and most selfless women in the world. To give your child to someone else because you know or feel it is best for them, is a gift you give to them that you may never really know.

I am adopted.

My mother was 16 when she had my brother, and almost 18 when she had me. In the year and a half before my birth my biological mother did everything she could to be a good mother. She really did. When I was born it was to much for her. She and her boyfriend, who is both my father and my brothers, made the agonizing choice to give us both up for adoption.

My parents had started having bad problems. They both felt they were too young to properly care for my brother and I. That we needed more. They both wanted to finish school and get their lives sorted out.

When I was 3 months old they signed over their rights. We were now wards of the foster care system. We spent the next year and a half in the system. A total of 6 foster homes. You see no one wanted to adopt us both. They didn't want 2 children, and my brother had, and still has, a lot of issues. He was what they call difficult to adopt, a problem child.

When I was almost 2 my adopted mother and her husband decided that they wanted to adopt 1 child. A hard to adopt, problem child. The agency in charge of our case had decided at that time that we would be seperated. They figured that since I was a sweet dispositioned girl of a little under 2, I would be easier to adopt on my own.

They introduced my mom and her husband to my brother. My mom said she loved him the moment she saw him. She didn't care that he had "problems" that he was almost 3 or that it would be hard. She started the paperwork to adopt him. Somewhere along the way he asked my mom about me. Why I couldn't come too. Its one of the best things that could have ever happend for me. My mother insisted on meeting me. She told them she wouldn't take one without the other. They tried to change her mind. Thankfully for me it didn't work. She told me that she knew I was her's when she saw me. That her family needed me.

By the time my second birthday arrived the paperwork was filled out. We were her's. Saddly her husband decided after about a year that he couldn't do it. He told my mom "its them or me" I havn't seen him since. My mom choose us.

Another year past and my mom met her new husband. By the time I was 5 he was dad to me. He's never treated me any different then his own 2 children, and they excepted us as well.

When I was in grade school some of the kids used to tease me constantly about being adopted. They tried to convince me it was because I wasn't wanted, I wasn't good enough. My mom found me in my room crying one day and I told her what they had said. I asked her what was wrong with me that I wasn't wanted. What she told me will remain with me for my entire life. She said "You are wanted. You always have been. Your mother gave you up so you could have more. I am the lucky one. All those other mom's have children from their tummy.. you came from my heart.. I wouldn't have it any other way. Don't let anyone tell you're not loved. Your birth mother loved you enough to give you up.. and I have loved you before I even knew you... I picked you.."

My mom and dad got married when I was 9. I asked him if that ment I was his now, he said "you already were" You could say I am twice blessed. My 18th birthday is very special to me. It took time to track down my first adopted father, but when he finally signed the paper work, my dad finalised the adoption. It was my 18th birthday present, and the best present I have ever gotten.

So when your heart hurts and you think, even for a second "have I done the right thing" YES!! you have. Thank you to all of you with the strength and the curage to give to someone your child. Know that your gift means everything to those parents AND your child. That you have done the right thing. Now having 2 children of my own I know what a sacrifice my birth mother made for me. The strength she had.

I was adopted in 1981. It was a closed adoption, it was the only choice she had. I pray that someday I can find her, so I can tell her in person. Thak you!

Thank you for reading this. I hope that it helps you along the way.
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February 5th, 2009, 08:38 AM
amholb0's Avatar Mrs.Fitz
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Central KY
Posts: 301
Thank you for telling us your story. I am so glad the mothers in your life made the choices they did.
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February 7th, 2009, 04:13 PM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 28,941
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What a sweet wonderful and powerful story of adoption! I am so pleased things have worked out so well for you...it really is such a great system when things work out so well for the children.

With the birth of my daughter Leila I now understand the power my birth daughter Olivia's mom feels for Olivia. I can see the love and desire she must have felt to be a mommy and I am thrilled that I was able to make that happen.

Thanks *Kiliki* for the precious siggy!

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