Log In Sign Up

what makes it judging?


Forum: Heated Debates

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to [email protected].

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Heated Debates LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
May 10th, 2008, 11:04 AM
Little Mrs Sunshine
Guest
Posts: n/a
What are the guidelines that separate opinion from judgment?

I see someone say that they feel CIO is abuse for example. Another person says they are being judgmental, and that same person will say that hitting a child with a stick is abuse. Someone will call that person judgmental, and then say that beating a child till they are black and blue is real abuse. In the instance where they are saying it is their OPINION that it is abuse, then what determines that any or all of those people are being judgmental?

This is just an example, but I want to know what you feel makes an opinion judgmental. Should we all "accept" everything everyone else choose to do. Is it really judgmental to have opinions on what is abuse and what is not? Is only "non-judgmental" if the law agrees with your opinion?

Do you believe there is a difference between "judging" an action and judging the person? Such as someone who steals... for you to say stealing is bad, does that mean you are saying that person is bad, or just that you think the action they took is bad?

Do you think people sometimes FEEL attacked or judged when they aren't, just because someone feels strongly against something they are for, or strongly for something they are against? Do people take things too personal?



***in speaking for myself I do not believe in judging a PERSON to be "good" or "bad" but I do have opinions (sometimes very strong ones) on certain THINGS. (things - not people). When someone feels strongly opposite of something I do I don't feel attacked or judged because I am confident in my choice. If I'm not confident in my choice, I question myself and sometimes I find that confidence or sometimes I realize I am wrong. For example if someone said circumcision was abuse even though I chose to circumcise my son I would not feel like they were attacking or judging me... only that they were judging the choice of circumcising. Though cannot say if they were indeed doing that or not, I guess that is just the way I choose to read people.***
Reply With Quote
  #2  
May 10th, 2008, 11:06 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,667
I don't know all the answers, but I know that "non-judgemental" people are usually the worst about judging others!
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #3  
May 10th, 2008, 11:23 AM
Little Mrs Sunshine
Guest
Posts: n/a
I've met a few people like that!

For me I think judging a PERSON is "judgmental" even to say to them "you are so judgmental" which is why I dont say things like that. I don't think its judgmental to say "I think drinking yoohoo is a sin against God" or "I think people on gov't assistance shouldn't do xyz because its greedy" those are comments on actions. It would be different to say "YOU are sinner because you drink yoohoo" or "YOU are greedy because you get gov't assistance"

does that make sense? bad analogies lol im just being silly
Reply With Quote
  #4  
May 10th, 2008, 12:05 PM
Tammyjh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: North
Posts: 7,824
I think everyone judges from time to time and it will probably mean something different to different people.

I'm sure I do my fair share of judging. Not that I mean to....it just comes out sometimes
__________________
Tammy, Mom to
Abby (19), Kacie (13), Chase (11), & Jacob (7)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"...They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!" ~ Bobby ~ Supernatural
Reply With Quote
  #5  
May 10th, 2008, 12:09 PM
Little Mrs Sunshine
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
I think everyone judges from time to time and it will probably mean something different to different people.

I'm sure I do my fair share of judging. Not that I mean to....it just comes out sometimes [/b]
i can relate to that. I try really hard not to but I know sometimes I say things and my heart is judging and I have to apologize for it. Sometimes though I think people feel they are being judged when they aren't. Which is why I'm curious what the majority of people actually consider to be judgmental.

It's just like when someone says they think pancakes for breakfast isnt healthy someone else seems to say "for heavens sake its not like they are feeing their kids ice cream!" which is like, them saying ice cream for breakfast isnt healthy.

sometimes i think people take things as being judgmental because of the persons REASONS for their opinions. I guess just like we all have different definitions of healthy, abuse, morals, politically correct, etc, we also have different opinions of what is judgmental.

I try to just give people the benefit of the doubt that they mean well and have good intentions. unless someone directly tells me their intentions were to be hurtful I don't just assume they were trying to be mean.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
May 10th, 2008, 12:14 PM
Just Nana's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: keenesburg colo
Posts: 15,461
I guess to me its judging when its my way or the highway. We are all individuals and have opinions some stronger thatn others but the mind set of it has to be my way is when I feel the judgment comes in.
__________________




Reply With Quote
  #7  
May 10th, 2008, 07:05 PM
short_n_swt's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Somewhere in Ontario
Posts: 2,611
Hm good question. I think there is a very fine line between the two, and agree that judging would come to the person who holds the opinion. I can say I don't agree with someone else's opinion, but if I think in my head after 'gee what kind of idiot are you to think that way/do such a thing?' then I become judgemental over the person.
__________________






Reply With Quote
  #8  
May 10th, 2008, 07:52 PM
WNK's Avatar
WNK WNK is offline
Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 353
I think that the difference comes when one starts making comments/assumptions/judgments about an individual person, as opposed to comments about whatever the topic actually is...

For instance, many people say that "xyz thing is unhealthy/harmful/not beneficial/outdated/etc" and for the most part, others accept that as another opinion.

The problem comes when one states it as "YOU are fat/abusive/stupid/naive/etc for doing xyz thing"... then it's a personal attack, and comes off as being quite judgmental, since there may be other background/situational information that was not presented which would explain why the person does xyz thing.
__________________
<div align="center"> </div>
Reply With Quote
  #9  
May 10th, 2008, 08:40 PM
acupofjoe's Avatar Proud mama of three!
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: washington state.
Posts: 21,372
Quote:
I think everyone judges from time to time and it will probably mean something different to different people.

I'm sure I do my fair share of judging. Not that I mean to....it just comes out sometimes [/b]

i agree.
__________________
Nessa proud married working mother of three kids in Washington state. Trying to raise our family of five as LDS. Taking life one day at a time.
Jordan - 6 yr; Stan - 4 yr; & Tyler - 2 yr.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
May 10th, 2008, 10:08 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I guess to ME judging is when you feel/think something about a person based on an action.... So if I feel/think someone is a jerk/idiot/stupid because of something they do ...then I have judged them. TO think/feel that their action is wrong is a different thing. It would be IMPOSSIBLE to go through life believing that everything everyone did was fine - it would also really mess with your head because most of what we do as individuals is based on what we believe to be the way to do it & if ALL things were equal in your mind, how could you choose one? Anyway - back to the point I guess. I DO judge things constantly...I judge different things in parenting as right or wrong, sometimes as one choice being better than another, etc...I have to - you have to - we ALL do - since that is "why" we parent the way we each do - by choosing one & determining it to be better for whatever reasons we have in choosing it. Now on the other hand that has often NOTHING to do with another individual choosing differently & then deciding that person to be "bad" or stupid or whatever. I often make choices that are different than those I love dearly - sometimes I DO believe their choices are selfish based on my own personal knowledge of the situation (such as going out a lot & leaving their kids with a sitter constantly). Is that judgmental? I don't know - I don't feel like it is because it isn't coming from a place of negativity on my part...it comes from a place of sadness often. In that situation I mentioned I am sad that the parents are missing out on so much & do not even seem to realize it & I am sad for the children that for some of the same reasons, although I bet the kids DO realize what they are missing. Now if I said they are rotten parents - to ME, that is judgmental...to say I am concerned about how often the children are with a sitter & if that is good for their family.... IMO is not a judgment, that is concern. I am sure however that if I said that directly to some people they certainly would think I am judgmental of them..... to me sometimes that is okay, because I cannot help how every single person is going to see everything I ever do or say - all I can do is try my best to do things in a loving way & the rest is up to the other person to be willing to receive it that way or not.
__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




Reply With Quote
  #11  
May 11th, 2008, 11:14 AM
Little Mrs Sunshine
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
I guess to ME judging is when you feel/think something about a person based on an action.... So if I feel/think someone is a jerk/idiot/stupid because of something they do ...then I have judged them. TO think/feel that their action is wrong is a different thing. It would be IMPOSSIBLE to go through life believing that everything everyone did was fine - it would also really mess with your head because most of what we do as individuals is based on what we believe to be the way to do it & if ALL things were equal in your mind, how could you choose one? Anyway - back to the point I guess. I DO judge things constantly...I judge different things in parenting as right or wrong, sometimes as one choice being better than another, etc...I have to - you have to - we ALL do - since that is "why" we parent the way we each do - by choosing one & determining it to be better for whatever reasons we have in choosing it. Now on the other hand that has often NOTHING to do with another individual choosing differently & then deciding that person to be "bad" or stupid or whatever. I often make choices that are different than those I love dearly - sometimes I DO believe their choices are selfish based on my own personal knowledge of the situation (such as going out a lot & leaving their kids with a sitter constantly). Is that judgmental? I don't know - I don't feel like it is because it isn't coming from a place of negativity on my part...it comes from a place of sadness often. In that situation I mentioned I am sad that the parents are missing out on so much & do not even seem to realize it & I am sad for the children that for some of the same reasons, although I bet the kids DO realize what they are missing. Now if I said they are rotten parents - to ME, that is judgmental...to say I am concerned about how often the children are with a sitter & if that is good for their family.... IMO is not a judgment, that is concern. I am sure however that if I said that directly to some people they certainly would think I am judgmental of them..... to me sometimes that is okay, because I cannot help how every single person is going to see everything I ever do or say - all I can do is try my best to do things in a loving way & the rest is up to the other person to be willing to receive it that way or not.[/b]
that was so well put and thats how I see things as well.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:49 AM.