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Would you let your teenager.....


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  #1  
June 16th, 2008, 10:04 AM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
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Let's say your teenage daughter go to a baby shower for her teenage friend who is pregnant?


My BFF got pregnant when she was 14 and had her son when she was 15. Her family held a baby shower for her and my parents wouldn't let me go. Even though that was 13 years ago I have always felt bad for not being there. It wasn't my fault but I still feel bad. My parents do not believe that a teenager having a baby is something to celebrate. While I can somewhat see their point I still think that children are something to be celebrated no matter what!
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  #2  
June 16th, 2008, 10:09 AM
LorieB's Avatar Super Mommy
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I agree with you. What's done is done, it's not like not going is going to undo the pregnancy.
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  #3  
June 16th, 2008, 10:32 AM
Gina1978's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I dont see why not.Its not like pregnancy is contageous and I dont agree with punishing the pregnant teenager by not letting anyone hang out with her anymore.The poor baby still deserves to be welcomed into the world right?
Id let my daughter go and Id make sure she got the baby something nice.The expecting mom is probably stressed out enough as it is without her friends being banned from seeing her
Id never tell my daughter to stay away from a friend just because she was pregnant and id never keep her away from the shower either.I beleive all babys are blessings and if the mother-to-be wants to celebrate the arrival of her child,Ill be happy for her.

This doesnt mean I ancourage teen pregnancy of course,but once its done,its done.

I was a teen mom (18) and most people used to look at me like I was a s**t for months afterwards even though I was with my sons SD and had been for a LONG time.I lost ALOT of friends due to that.
I certainly wouldent want anyone else to feel like that.
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  #4  
June 16th, 2008, 10:32 AM
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I would let my daughter go. While I can see the point that your parents were trying to make, it just doesn't make much sense to me. The baby is coming even if you don't celebrate it, and why punish the baby? Not to mention I had a friend that had a baby when we were in school, and being around her was more than enough to show me that I didn't want a baby right then.
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  #5  
June 16th, 2008, 10:43 AM
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I would let my daughter go and also get something nice for the baby...I would although explain to her ahead of time, that I can't keep her away just because of a pregnancy, that babies are a wonderful blessing but having them before you are ready is a hard thing to do, and not everyone will be happy about it. But keeping her away will probably only make her rebel, and since there is no reason to keep her away...I don't see the need too
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  #6  
June 16th, 2008, 10:48 AM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
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I was still allowed to be friends with her and hang out at other times. My parents just wouldn't let me go to the shower because they felt a 14 year old being pregnant was not something to celebrate. It made me mad because to me it wasn't the 14 year old girl being pregnant that was being celebrated. What was being celebrated was the baby who was the result of that pregnancy.

I don't think a 14 year old being pregnant is something to be happy about and it certainly isn't something to encourage but once it's done it's done.
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  #7  
June 16th, 2008, 12:09 PM
LaLa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I couldnt see letting my 14 yr old go to a baby shower. 14 is just far too young. She could get the baby something if she wanted - and be friends with her - but honestly I think i would have a problem with it.

Lala...
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  #8  
June 16th, 2008, 12:09 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My BFF had her first DD a month before she turned 16. I went to her baby shower. I didn't even ask to go. I was about 13, I just went. My parents never gave me hell about it. I don't think it is encouraging teen pregnancy, just celebrating a baby. No different than if the mom was 30.
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  #9  
June 16th, 2008, 12:22 PM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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My BFF in high school had her 1st baby right before she was 16...I went to the shower and I was there right after the birth.

I would def let my daughter go. No questions asked.
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  #10  
June 16th, 2008, 12:25 PM
LorieB's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
I don't think it is encouraging teen pregnancy, just celebrating a baby. No different than if the mom was 30.[/b]
Exactly. There are baby showers for babies who were being born into less than "perfect" situations (older than "normal" mothers, abusive or addicted parent, etc.). If anything, a teen mom needs more than the usual support from her friends and family.
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  #11  
June 16th, 2008, 12:47 PM
irishxrose
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Quote:
I don't think it is encouraging teen pregnancy, just celebrating a baby. No different than if the mom was 30.[/b]
Agreed. Teen moms need as much support as they can get, and I would let my daughter go. I was 18 when I had my son, I had a few friends who were younger than me, and none of their parents had a big problem with it. My BFF had her daughter a month after she turned 16. I went to her baby shower when she was 15, as did all of our friends who were about that age... no issues from any parent there either. Quite honestly, that line of thinking bugs me. Since when did a baby shower become all about the mom's age? I thought it was about the BABY.
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  #12  
June 16th, 2008, 01:15 PM
Fluffy Baby's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
I couldnt see letting my 14 yr old go to a baby shower. 14 is just far too young. She could get the baby something if she wanted - and be friends with her - but honestly I think i would have a problem with it.

Lala...[/b]

Just wondering...

Is it ANYBODY'S baby shower or just a teen mom?
*******************************


I remember when I was young I went to a bridal shower and they had a to see who could put the condom on the "penis" (zucinni, banana, squash etc) the fastest. Even tho I was old enough to know what was going on, I thought I was far to young to be there for that type of game.

I just don't understand how a baby should be punished. When my BFF got preggo, her parents gave her an ultimatum, get an abortion or get out. She left. She had no support. My parents thought it was quite ignorant of her parents, so they encouraged me to stay friends with her and god forbid, HELP her if she needed it. I watched her month old baby so she could sleep. I helped her so she could do homework and make it thru High school, so she could graduate. Which she did! The poor girl had NO support. Her BF was working to support them. After I was old enough, I got a job. I even bought her baby clothes and formula every now and then to help her.

It isn't the baby's fault, he/she is here. I was always very mature for my age and I guess I did get to do alot of stuff before my parents let my immature younger sister got to. I think the youngest age to go to a shower for one of your friends would be 12. Alot of my friends were older than me.
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  #13  
June 16th, 2008, 01:31 PM
crunchymama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would let my daughter go bu tI can see your parents point. I also disagree that pregnancy isn't contaigious. My daughtert could go see all the cute baby clothes and other adorable stuff that comes with a baby shower, all the attention the expectant mother gets and think only about that instead of all the other stuff that comes with having a baby.
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  #14  
June 16th, 2008, 01:35 PM
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I agree with the majority of the PPs. A baby is a wonderful thing, to be celebrated, no matter the age. Yes, being a teen parent is hard, but the mother and the baby should not be punished... I am in the same line of thinking as Andrika.
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  #15  
June 16th, 2008, 01:49 PM
duality's Avatar Miss Mama
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Quote:
I would let my daughter go. While I can see the point that your parents were trying to make, it just doesn't make much sense to me. The baby is coming even if you don't celebrate it, and why punish the baby? Not to mention I had a friend that had a baby when we were in school, and being around her was more than enough to show me that I didn't want a baby right then.[/b]
Ditto this.

I got pregnant at 16 and had my shower at 17. My friend's parents didn't have a problem with them coming to my shower at all - in fact, all my friend's parents came with them to my shower. My closest friend and her mom came to see me in the hospital the day after Ayden was delivered, too - support can really give a teen mom the boost she needs. Scolding her won't do anything positive.
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  #16  
June 16th, 2008, 02:53 PM
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I would. If your daughter goes to a shower and then decides to get pregnant or thinking it isn't a big deal afterwards, that is your failure as a parent not the teen who was pregnant's fault.
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  #17  
June 16th, 2008, 04:25 PM
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I'd let them go. Once a girl is pregnant she is pregnant. You aren't going to change that by shaming her.
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  #18  
June 16th, 2008, 10:08 PM
LaLa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sorry - let me clarify - I wouldnt be ok with her going to another 14 yr olds baby shower. Or at least those are my thoughts atm. Its not about punishing the baby or anything like that - i certainly think the baby isnt responsible for it all. nor do i think sex is dirty or something to be ashamed of. I just dont think getting pg at 14 is a responsible choice under almost any circumstances these days. I'm sure there will be some exception, but generally speaking...

I also dont think most modern day baby showers are really about celebrating the baby but thats another story. I'm sure depending on the nature of the shower, I might be swayed. I'm sure depending on the 14 yr old at hand, and the circumstances surrounding it - i might be swayed. But generally speaking - i dont think id be ok with my 14 yr old going to a party to celebrate the pg of another 14 yr old.

Lala...
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  #19  
June 17th, 2008, 12:08 AM
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But what would that accomplish, exactly? Would it make the expectant mom see the error of her ways and decide to stop being pregnant? At that point she's having the baby one way or another... and needs her friends more than ever.

I would absolutely let my daughter go to a friend's baby shower. I *do* still think showers are about the baby, not the mom. The gifts are things for the baby... it's not like Mom gets (or at least, she shouldn't be getting) a brand new handbag and a nice pair of shoes out of the deal.
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  #20  
June 17th, 2008, 12:55 AM
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Nope.... sure wouldn't. I wouldn't allow my daughter to take part in celebrating a teenage pregnancy no matter WHO it is, aunt, cousin whom ever! Nor would I! Now once the BABY is born, then I would allow her to a Welcoming of the baby, because they way I see it, then it would be MORE SO FOR the BABY. I am also talking about YOUNG teens! Not those that have already graduated high school.
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