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Teenagers and sex....


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  #1  
October 19th, 2009, 04:38 PM
Wolfmama09's Avatar " He's a marshmallow!"
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One of my associates provides her son with condoms because she knows he is sexually active and she lets him ,no questions asked.

How do you feel about the statement " I would rather know that my child was protecting himself/ herself while under my roof than not know what he/she was out there doing? Do you agree?
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  #2  
October 19th, 2009, 05:05 PM
TheOtherMichelle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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If I knew my child was sexually active I would make it a priority to have "the talk" with them asap to make sure that they are fully informed of risks and also to talk about the emotional risks and try to dissuade them from continuing. However if they still feel it is the right thing to do I don't know that I could stop them. I would rather help them out than not and risk them having to face an STD or pregnancy. And I would rather have an open relationship in case they do find themselves facing a situation like those in spite of protection so they can feel comfortable coming to me for help.

So yes I guess I do agree. I may not agree with their actions but I will do what I can to keep my child as safe as reasonably possible.
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  #3  
October 19th, 2009, 05:10 PM
Gina1978's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well,through personal experience,it doesnt matter weather his mom "lets" him have sex or not..heŽll find a place and a time,and do it anyway kwim? Yo.
I think his mom is being responsable.Its not like shes encouraging him..she knows heŽs sexually active,she accepts that,and sheŽs providing him (and his possible parners) with protection.If her son is accepting the condoms and using them,then its a sign that she has educated him on the subject and to me,she has done a good job.
So yes,I agree with her.
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  #4  
October 19th, 2009, 05:14 PM
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Well my parents were of the "don't have sex until you're married group." They never in a million years would have provided me with condoms and if they had found out I was having sex I don't even want to think about the trouble I would have been in.

However, that didn't deter me from doing what I wanted to do. I was educated about the possibilities of pregnancy and disease (thanks to sex ed in school and my parents). I was smart enough to get my own condoms though.

DH has a 14 year old daughter so this may be a topic that we will have to face soon (*crosses her fingers and hopes not*). I really don't know what we'll do. I don't want DSD having sex but if she's going to then I want her to be safe.
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  #5  
October 19th, 2009, 05:15 PM
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Yes, I do agree with her, although I don't know why her son would even need her to provide him with condoms. Those (unlike the birth control pill) are easy enough for teenagers to get on their own.
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  #6  
October 19th, 2009, 05:21 PM
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I agree with her but I won't buy them. If he thinks he's responsible enough to have sex, then he needs to be responsible enough to buy condoms. I think it would set a bad precedent to buy them for him because I really believe everyone needs to be responsible for their sexual health. That means I don't want him relying on someone else to cover birth control.
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  #7  
October 19th, 2009, 05:39 PM
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I'm realistic and know that teens are going to have sex, its going to happen whether we as parents like it or not.

Once my children are 10-12 I will talk to them about safe sex and STIs. Shortly after that I will supply them with condoms in a condom drawer (obviously not the whole drawer) and they can come and take what they need no questions asked. I will also put my daughter on the birth control pill when I feel she may need it. My mom repeatedly asked me about needing birth control when I was a teen and I was too embarrassed to say yes and well I ended up pregnant at 18. I don't see sex as something taboo.
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  #8  
October 19th, 2009, 05:44 PM
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I think the mom is being responsible, and I hope her son is smart enough to use them!
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  #9  
October 19th, 2009, 05:50 PM
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I agree with Jess. I will talk to my kids about sex, make sure they understand the importance of protection and being responsible. I will also encourage them strongly to wait until they are married to have sex. I will not provide them with protection. Condoms are easy enough to get, and if my son or daughter is too embarrassed to go buy them then they probably shouldn't be having sex anyway. If I feel like my child is being unsafe, I might tuck a box of condoms nonchalantly into the medicine cabinet or somewhere else easily accessible. I won't tell my kids that they are available for their use, but as everything in my apartment is already shared, I think they will understand. I just don't want my kids to think I am condoning them having sex as teenagers, or premarital sex at all (and yes, I am a hypocrite. Well, I did not have sex until later, but no, I'm not married. And life would be a heck of a lot easier if I was!)
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  #10  
October 19th, 2009, 05:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheHappyM. View Post
Condoms are easy enough to get, and if my son or daughter is too embarrassed to go buy them then they probably shouldn't be having sex anyway.
Do you think that the teens will not have sex because they don't have condoms because they are too embarrassed to buy them? Not likely IMHO. They'll have sex without them then.
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  #11  
October 19th, 2009, 05:58 PM
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I agree. That's why I added that I might tuck a box of condoms somewhere accessible. For me, it's such a tough line to walk between wanting my kids to be safe and not wanting to condone them having sex. I'm sure I'll have a completely different answer before this is ever an issue though Also, I have a hard time with condoms because a kid can have a condom, know how to use it, and still end up in a situation they aren't ready for. Condoms break. Sometimes, they don't get used even if they are right there....I had an entire drawer full and look where I am now!

Quote:
Originally Posted by blondie-lox View Post
Do you think that the teens will not have sex because they don't have condoms because they are too embarrassed to buy them? Not likely IMHO. They'll have sex without them then.
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  #12  
October 19th, 2009, 06:07 PM
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I will do my best to teach abstinence to Avery. But I don't see a problem with providing protection. I hope we will have an open relationship, and if she does make the decision to be sexually active, then I will do my best to keep her safe.
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  #13  
October 19th, 2009, 06:25 PM
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My Mom provided me with condoms, and plan on doing the same with my kiddos. I think it is healthy to have that kind of relationship and it opens doors to communication with your kids because they know they can come to you about everything and not feel bad about it.
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  #14  
October 19th, 2009, 07:52 PM
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If I had a daughter I would buy her birth control since I would just put it on our drug plan, so with my sons I suppose I should do the same. If their was a pill they could take I would buy it!

When I first started having sex I didn't ask my Mom, I just went to the sexual health clinic and got pills my self. They will sell them to you for $5 but the condition is that you have pap tests with them every 6 months. You could also buy the morning after pill for $25 no question asked.
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  #15  
October 20th, 2009, 12:00 AM
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I really can't see myself doing this. The only two people I knew (1 girl, 1 guy) whose parents provided condoms ended up parents before out of high school. I on the other hand graduated a virgin....so go figure. I won't be ignorant & my children will be fully educated on all things reproductive, but I think that when they can't be bothered to find their own condoms what makes you think they be bothered enough to use them when the time comes? I just don't think buying them condoms equates with them using one & using one every time. I would rather focus on education & whatever I can do to postpone them becoming sexually active as long as possible. I never got the "no sex" talk - but I got plenty of talks about all of the risks (including emotional, educational, financial, medical, etc, etc.) and armed with that - I agreed with my parents that having sex when I wasn't even able to stand on my own two feet was pretty irresponsible & ignorant. I wanted to have sex. I had along term boyfriend who I can assure you wanted to have sex - but treating me like I was smart enough to see why I shouldn't seemed to make me feel like I wasn't being oppressed or made to do something...but just that I was luckier than my friends to actually really understand that it wasn't in my best interest.
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  #16  
October 20th, 2009, 12:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beck12 View Post
I won't be ignorant & my children will be fully educated on all things reproductive, but I think that when they can't be bothered to find their own condoms what makes you think they be bothered enough to use them when the time comes?
From my own standpoint, my mom got me condoms. Not because I was lazy or embarrassed, but because I didn't have a car to get to said store, didn't have a job because my parents wanted me to focus on school and all the activities I was in, so they got me them when I needed them. For kids like me, it wasn't that we were bothered to get them ourselves, it was more so I couldn't get to the store and was so involved in academics and extracurriculars that I didn't have a job to get condoms. When I did have a job I did buy my own, but there were times I forgot, and needed more, so my Mom picked me up some.

So it's not so much as being bothered and not using them, for some, their parents are the link to make sure they always have them when they have other stuff going on. Just my experience though
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  #17  
October 20th, 2009, 12:31 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2Froggy View Post
From my own standpoint, my mom got me condoms. Not because I was lazy or embarrassed, but because I didn't have a car to get to said store, didn't have a job because my parents wanted me to focus on school and all the activities I was in, so they got me them when I needed them. For kids like me, it wasn't that we were bothered to get them ourselves, it was more so I couldn't get to the store and was so involved in academics and extracurriculars that I didn't have a job to get condoms. When I did have a job I did buy my own, but there were times I forgot, and needed more, so my Mom picked me up some.

So it's not so much as being bothered and not using them, for some, their parents are the link to make sure they always have them when they have other stuff going on. Just my experience though
In all seriousness - didn't you say in the bartending debate you got pg in high school? How did the condoms help then?
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If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
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  #18  
October 20th, 2009, 12:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beck12 View Post
In all seriousness - didn't you say in the bartending debate you got pg in high school? How did the condoms help then?
I used condoms religiously and still got pregnant, we all know they aren't 100%. I did get pregnant my last semester of high school, and totally don't regret that. I would do it all over again, despite my age.

I can't take hormonal birth control (I tried previously to help with some cramping issues) so condoms were it for me as I am against IUD's. I used them, they failed, so I took responsibility and had my kiddo.

Condoms help reduce the risk, but the risk is always there as no birth control is 100% besides abstinence.
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  #19  
October 20th, 2009, 12:41 AM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2Froggy View Post
I used condoms religiously and still got pregnant, we all know they aren't 100%. I did get pregnant my last semester of high school, and totally don't regret that. I would do it all over again, despite my age.

I can't take hormonal birth control (I tried previously to help with some cramping issues) so condoms were it for me as I am against IUD's. I used them, they failed, so I took responsibility and had my kiddo.

Condoms help reduce the risk, but the risk is always there as no birth control is 100% besides abstinence.
Right - I get that....but I also got trained on my cycle....so literally - I started out of the gate being able to track my ovulation & NEVER have sex when I was fertile.

I still think knowledge is far more powerful than enabling.
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We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




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  #20  
October 20th, 2009, 12:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beck12 View Post
Right - I get that....but I also got trained on my cycle....so literally - I started out of the gate being able to track my ovulation & NEVER have sex when I was fertile.

I still think knowledge is far more powerful than enabling.
Knowledge about safe sex and providing that protection isn't necessarily enabling anything, other than being safe and protecting yourself, as well as opening a forum for discussion with parents.

And once again, some people do not have a set cycle. Since I was 12 I was told I'd never have kids (HA! What a joke that was!) used protection, and could never track my cycle as it is far from regular. Even to this day I can have a period, skip a week, have another period, skip a month, have a period, then have another period 3 weeks later, then a month and a half later have another... it's crazy. I chart my periods for this reason because they are so off the wall. But I wouldn't have been able to know my fertile days, still can't do it now, because of how goofy my periods are. It's all hereditary in my family.

I think knowledge includes being safe and know your options, and know that you have people to trust that will support you. Supporting your kid will go a lot farther than putting them down for their actions.
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