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The "R" word


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  #1  
November 27th, 2009, 09:35 AM
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I am sure you all know what word I am talking about. I personally hate the word with every fiber of my being. I think people use it to loosely. I used to until someone put me in my place. I find the word being used so loosely offensive. Even more so that I have a special needs child. Yes maybe I am to sensitive but I am no I am not the only one that feels this way.

How does everyone else feel about it?
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  #2  
November 27th, 2009, 09:38 AM
mayandsofiasmommy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I have no idea what you are talking about.

eta: Oh! I read your post again and saw the "special needs" part. Now I know the word! I have caught myself saying it. I try not to. I definitely do not let my students use that word.
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  #3  
November 27th, 2009, 09:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mayandsofiasmommy View Post
I have no idea what you are talking about.

eta: Oh! I read your post again and saw the "special needs" part. Now I know the word! I have caught myself saying it. I try not to. I definitely do not let my students use that word.
Sometimes it can be hard to break that habit. I used to use it alot when I was in high school and never realized how offensive it could be until a kid I went to church with let me know. His brother has Down syndrome. I know it bothers me more because my son being special needs.
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  #4  
November 27th, 2009, 09:43 AM
Tammyjh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sensitive to this word as well. I wouldn't go as far as to tell someone that they can't use it or that it needs to be stricken from vocabulary but its a word that grates on my last nerve.
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  #5  
November 27th, 2009, 09:44 AM
IAmMomMomIAm
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I'm pretty sure which word you're talking about, and I admit to using it freely. I have two autistic BILs and a DS who is probably on the spectrum though he hasn't been tested. It doesn't mean at all what it used to mean. It's slang now, and is rarely used by anyone for it's original meaning. Kind of like the word *itch. It's the technical term for a female dog, but now it's a rude insult towards women. It doesn't mean what it used to mean. Words change over time, and take on new meanings. *ss is a donkey. Now it's a swear word. I'm sure it originated as an insult, comparing a less-intelligent person to someone mentally handicapped, but that's just not what it's used to anymore.
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  #6  
November 27th, 2009, 09:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tammyjh View Post
I'm sensitive to this word as well. I wouldn't go as far as to tell someone that they can't use it or that it needs to be stricken from vocabulary but its a word that grates on my last nerve.
yeah I never would tell someone not to use it but people close to me I let them know it bothers me.
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  #7  
November 27th, 2009, 09:46 AM
**Badfish**'s Avatar Worth Saving
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I think it's good for us to have this discussion every few months to let new members know the majority of people here find it offensive and inappropriate.
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  #8  
November 27th, 2009, 09:51 AM
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I don't use the word. If it hurts someone then I can see why.
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  #9  
November 27th, 2009, 09:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keskes View Post
I'm pretty sure which word you're talking about, and I admit to using it freely. I have two autistic BILs and a DS who is probably on the spectrum though he hasn't been tested. It doesn't mean at all what it used to mean. It's slang now, and is rarely used by anyone for it's original meaning. Kind of like the word *itch. It's the technical term for a female dog, but now it's a rude insult towards women. It doesn't mean what it used to mean. Words change over time, and take on new meanings. *ss is a donkey. Now it's a swear word. I'm sure it originated as an insult, comparing a less-intelligent person to someone mentally handicapped, but that's just not what it's used to anymore.
That may be true but what if you word slipped out around a parent that has a child with down syndrome or a person that is mentally handicapped heard it and how much that would hurt them. I know they can not be sheltered but people with special needs discrimated enough as it is I just try to be sensitive to what words I use. It may just be a word to you (not just talking about you) but to others it may be hurtful. In no way am I saying you can or should not use it. Just a little food for thought. I always try to think about how my actions or words can affect another person because I am a sensitive person.
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  #10  
November 27th, 2009, 10:01 AM
frugality=reality
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Is there really any denying the definition of the word?

Retarded Definition | Definition of Retarded at Dictionary.com

That's like saying someone hates the "g" word, IMO. The fact is that if someone is using a word per its definition, then I don't see what's wrong with it... and I know plenty of people (some friends, some family and some adopted family even) that are "the R word," too... down's syndrome for some, and others are without explanation... they just have have a retardation of their mental growth. *shrug*
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  #11  
November 27th, 2009, 10:02 AM
IAmMomMomIAm
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I've never considered that it would be offensive, really. I know plenty of people with autistic or mentally handicapped children, and they aren't offended by a slang word. On some level I can see why it would be offensive, I guess, I just don't understand the big deal. My son is technically "retarded" in several areas (in the correct sense of the word), and it doesn't bother me to use it.

That doesn't mean I won't make an effort to find a different word, though finding a different one is difficult, since "idiot" is also a reference to the mentally handicapped, and "slow" just doesn't seem to cover the same ground, and ALSO refers to such.
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  #12  
November 27th, 2009, 10:03 AM
irishxrose
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I loathe that word and I try very hard not to use it. I don't like it when I see others using it either.
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  #13  
November 27th, 2009, 10:09 AM
lilflower
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I think it's a pretty nasty word. My little sister has down syndrome and I wouldn't want her to ever hear that word. I believe it's bad enough to cuss around people you don't know, much less say things that may completely strike a nerve.
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  #14  
November 27th, 2009, 10:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frugality=reality View Post
Is there really any denying the definition of the word?

Retarded Definition | Definition of Retarded at Dictionary.com

That's like saying someone hates the "g" word, IMO. The fact is that if someone is using a word per its definition, then I don't see what's wrong with it... and I know plenty of people (some friends, some family and some adopted family even) that are "the R word," too... down's syndrome for some, and others are without explanation... they just have have a retardation of their mental growth. *shrug*

I am not sure who you are directing this at but when I started this thread I was talking about using it loosely. I myself do not even use it for a medical term. I perfer using mentaly handicaped myself but it does not bother me so much when someone is it using it in a medical term. What bugs me is when people say thats so "R" or I am not "R" or your so "R" ... That is what I find offensive. I know some people do not find it offensive and thats fine. Just like its fine I find the word offensive.
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  #15  
November 27th, 2009, 10:24 AM
diet_a&w's Avatar Susan
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I'll be honest, I use the word sparingly (very sparingly). I used to say it all the time in high school but I understand how offensive it is to some people so I don't use it in public. It's a tough habit to break (i had to break "gay" from my vocabulary in high school).
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  #16  
November 27th, 2009, 10:24 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frugality=reality View Post
Is there really any denying the definition of the word?

Retarded Definition | Definition of Retarded at Dictionary.com

That's like saying someone hates the "g" word, IMO. The fact is that if someone is using a word per its definition, then I don't see what's wrong with it... and I know plenty of people (some friends, some family and some adopted family even) that are "the R word," too... down's syndrome for some, and others are without explanation... they just have have a retardation of their mental growth. *shrug*
What is the "g" word you are talking about?
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  #17  
November 27th, 2009, 10:29 AM
WineKeepsMeSane's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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If someone says it in reference to a person who has a disability, then yes, I absolutely find it offensive. My BIL has Downs, but in no sense is he "retarded" the way people use it in slang today. DH and I have used it, to refer to someone or something that was just stupid to the point of ridiculousness, and we both know that in no way are we comparing it to someone with an actual condition that they have no control over. However, if someone were to hear me use the word I could understand the person being offended as they do not know me, or the way DH and I use the word, or that I AM offended by the word in some circumstances. Thus, I don't use it in front of anyone other than DH or a couple other people who understand what I mean by it. I would never find it acceptable to use on a forum such as this.

Oh, and my supposed best friend came up to me at my wedding and complained that the "retard wanted to dance with her but ( her DH) got rid of him" angered me to no end, especially when BIL went off crying. Yeah, we're not really in touch now. So yes, in that case I found it extremely offensive. When DH uses the word to describe a tradesman who did something ridiculously dumb on his job site, not the same thing at all (to me).
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  #18  
November 27th, 2009, 10:31 AM
IAmMomMomIAm
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the "g" word I believe is gay. I used to use that one all the time, until someone got on me about it. i.e. "that's really gay that ____" rather than "that man that is attracted to men is gay" or "I'm feeling gay today because I found $20 in my pocket."

I will make an effort to work on "retarded" even though I don't 100% understand why it's offensive.
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  #19  
November 27th, 2009, 10:32 AM
diet_a&w's Avatar Susan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ctanis View Post
What is the "g" word you are talking about?
I guessed it was "gay" in the same slang sense that the "retard" is used.
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  #20  
November 27th, 2009, 10:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keskes View Post
the "g" word I believe is gay. I used to use that one all the time, until someone got on me about it. i.e. "that's really gay that ____" rather than "that man that is attracted to men is gay" or "I'm feeling gay today because I found $20 in my pocket."

I will make an effort to work on "retarded" even though I don't 100% understand why it's offensive.

ahhh I should have figured that out. thanks
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