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  #1  
December 3rd, 2009, 10:58 AM
lilflower
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Hypothetically if we can choose how our baby is born whether via scheduled c-section, induction, natural birth, etc... for convenience factors and just because we can because it is our body...

Can we decide that we want surrogate mothers to carry our babies because we don't want to ruin our bodies? Is that still within the limit of "my body, my choice"?

(I am not talking about needing a surrogate for real medical reasons, just cosmetics and convenience like c-sections for convenience and cosmetic reasons)
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  #2  
December 3rd, 2009, 11:02 AM
IAmMomMomIAm
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Sure, why not? I hate being pregnant, but I want children, and being pregnant is necessary for the end result.

If you (general) have enough money to pay someone to carry your child, and that's what you want to do, have at it. Though I wish they had more protection for both baby mamma and biological parents than they do. It's not something I would do with the way the laws are in place right now. There's no protection for either party, except "breech of contract" - blah. Not worth that risk to me.

But I think women should be able to have a choice. At least as long as we're not talking about forcing someone to carry your child. Your choice, Your body if you don't want to. Her choice, her body if she wants to.
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  #3  
December 3rd, 2009, 11:06 AM
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Well, in the end it comes down to everybody's different. No one choice would ever work for everyone.

But for myself, heck no! The whole idea of being able to have someone else carry your child because you don't want to, or having an elective c-section because it's more convenient, is just plain stupid. We women are always griping about how tough we are, I don't think pregnancy and natural, unmedicated childbirth is too much to ask!
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  #4  
December 3rd, 2009, 11:24 AM
Tersh's Avatar DD nurses her baby too!
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  #5  
December 3rd, 2009, 11:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by New_England_Girl View Post
Well, in the end it comes down to everybody's different. No one choice would ever work for everyone.

But for myself, heck no! The whole idea of being able to have someone else carry your child because you don't want to, or having an elective c-section because it's more convenient, is just plain stupid. We women are always griping about how tough we are, I don't think pregnancy and natural, unmedicated childbirth is too much to ask!
First let me say I agree with most of what you said. Obviously, since I am scared to death of childbirth (yes, I admit it) I can't say that an unmedicated birth isn't too much to ask for. You did it twice and that is awesome. I admire women that go in and have babies with no meds...but it isn't for everyone. I am personally thankful that there are medications that can get me through childbirth with less pain. Truly thankful.
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  #6  
December 3rd, 2009, 11:45 AM
Jessica-mom of 4's Avatar Veteran
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I see nothing wrong with it at all! I look at it this way, if we are allowed to take our babies out of this world because of inconvenience or the burden of pregnancy on our bodies or whatever the choice maybe then why can't we decide how our children come into this world because of some of the same reasons.

Now me personally I have had 3 kids and 1 on the way I could never go thru a surrogate because of the chance of them backing out but i dont see why other women can't have that choice!
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  #7  
December 3rd, 2009, 11:57 AM
lilflower
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As far as I know at this moment it is not legal to use a surrogate unless there is a medical reason to have one. There are no strict laws but I don't feel it should be legal. If you don't want to be pregnant you could adopt someone else's baby that they were pregnant with and "destroyed" their body to save the child in hopes that someone will love and raise said child as their own.
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  #8  
December 3rd, 2009, 12:00 PM
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I don't make the rules and that is a good thing because a lot of people would HATE me.

I don't think that paying someone to have a baby for you because you don't want to mess up your figure is a good way to start motherhood. I mean if you can't even sacrifice your body for 9 months (plus BF'ing) for your child you aren't off to a real good start, IMHO.

Of course this should be an option for people who cannot have children and I would never want that to be taken away.

I don't have a problem with epidurals and things of that nature. I totally planned to have one and if I get my VBAC I will have that.


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Originally Posted by Tersh View Post
If anyone needs me, I'll be popping some popcorn.
Seriously?
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  #9  
December 3rd, 2009, 12:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swade66 View Post


Seriously?
Yes

Typically, whenever someone says you should be able to have an unmedicated birth (and phrases it like "it's not too much to ask"), it turns into a mommy war pretty **** fast. I personally dislike those kinds of statements and I've often seen *that* particular belief hotly debated.

So sick of that eye roller smilie.
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  #10  
December 3rd, 2009, 12:09 PM
swade66's Avatar My friends call me HIRB.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tersh View Post
Yes

Typically, whenever someone says you should be able to have an unmedicated birth (and phrases it like "it's not too much to ask"), it turns into a mommy war pretty **** fast. I personally dislike those kinds of statements and I've often seen *that* particular belief hotly debated.

So sick of that eye roller smilie.
I mean I guess we could have a whole debate about the popcorn comments because I think that comment will turn a debate ugly just as quick as the "it's not too much to ask" comment. Especially when the comment is made before the thread has even had a chance to go south...it is like dooming the convo to go bad. Kinda sets a negative vibe from the start. IMO
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  #11  
December 3rd, 2009, 12:13 PM
IAmMomMomIAm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilflower View Post
As far as I know at this moment it is not legal to use a surrogate unless there is a medical reason to have one. There are no strict laws but I don't feel it should be legal. If you don't want to be pregnant you could adopt someone else's baby that they were pregnant with and "destroyed" their body to save the child in hopes that someone will love and raise said child as their own.
Some people want it to still be their baby, which it is in cases of surrogacy. Your egg, his sperm, her body. It's still technically YOUR baby, not someone else's. And that matters to some people for whatever reason.

It's not explicitly legal, but there are no real laws governing it either way in most states. Nothing is there to protect either party. It's a risk, but some people are willing to take it.

Quote:
I don't think that paying someone to have a baby for you because you don't want to mess up your figure is a good way to start motherhood. I mean if you can't even sacrifice your body for 9 months (plus BF'ing) for your child you aren't off to a real good start, IMHO.
So women who care about their appearance are going to make bad moms? Some people don't want to be pregnant because it just sucks to be pregnant. I don't think it means they won't love their child or care for them properly. Not wanting to make a particular sacrifice in order to have children doesn't mean they won't make ANY sacrifices. Some mothers aren't willing to sacrifice their careers, either. They aren't all bad mothers.
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  #12  
December 3rd, 2009, 12:15 PM
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Well, to each their own I suppose, but for me, I would have never even thought of someone else carrying my children for me unless there was a medical reason that I could not. I do acknowledge though, that my pregnancies were uncomplicated and other than the normal aches and pains, I loved, loved, LOVED it. My labors were easy/short as well so I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything. I understand that others don't have it so easy so unless I walked in their shoes, I can't judge what their decisions would be.
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  #13  
December 3rd, 2009, 12:24 PM
lilflower
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I'm just trying to find out where the "my body, my choice" line is drawn. Most women want to be equal to men, but I'm not sure that men have nearly as many choices as we do at this point.
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  #14  
December 3rd, 2009, 12:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilflower View Post
I'm just trying to find out where the "my body, my choice" line is drawn. Most women want to be equal to men, but I'm not sure that men have nearly as many choices as we do at this point.
I agree 100% with that last statement, which is why I always struggle with the "my body, my choice" argument. There are so many gray areas.
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  #15  
December 3rd, 2009, 12:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keskes View Post
So women who care about their appearance are going to make bad moms? Some people don't want to be pregnant because it just sucks to be pregnant. I don't think it means they won't love their child or care for them properly. Not wanting to make a particular sacrifice in order to have children doesn't mean they won't make ANY sacrifices. Some mothers aren't willing to sacrifice their careers, either. They aren't all bad mothers.
Like I said it was just MY opinion.

I work full time outside of the home and still managed to give birth to my own child. I gained a lot of weight too...some of which I still haven't managed to lose. Why does actually giving birth to your own child mean you have to give up your career? I never understood that.

I think that if you can't even give birth to your own child because it isn't convenient for you then what else that goes along with motherhood won't be convenient to you?
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  #16  
December 3rd, 2009, 12:39 PM
IAmMomMomIAm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilflower View Post
I'm just trying to find out where the "my body, my choice" line is drawn. Most women want to be equal to men, but I'm not sure that men have nearly as many choices as we do at this point.
I agree, but we have more choices because we need to MAKE more choices.

For men, they can choose circumcision or not (some anyways), vasectomy or not, and plastic surgery. I guess they COULD choose to be castrated but... yeah.

As women, we first have to choose how to not get pregnant - NFM, birth control pills, a patch, a shot, an IUD, sterilization.

Then when we choose to get pregnant, sometimes even THAT has to be a choice for some women - completely natural, fertility drugs, IVF, Surrogacy.

Then once we've chosen how to MAKE the baby, we have to choose how to HAVE the baby - natural, epidural, C-section, VBAC, repeat C-section, hospital, birth center, home, water, OB, midwife...

Then if we want to have another child we have to make all those same choices over again, and once we're done having children, it starts over with the birth control choices.

We have a lot of choices and a lot of options, so of course we get to make more decisions. If men were the ones who had the babies, then they'd have the choices. We use to be on mostly equal footing - pregnant or not pregnant, and then forced to have a natural home birth. No choices. Thanks to medical science, the choices are vastly more numerable.

Quote:
Originally Posted by swade66 View Post
Like I said it was just MY opinion.

I work full time outside of the home and still managed to give birth to my own child. I gained a lot of weight too...some of which I still haven't managed to lose. Why does actually giving birth to your own child mean you have to give up your career? I never understood that.

I think that if you can't even give birth to your own child because it isn't convenient for you then what else that goes along with motherhood won't be convenient to you?
You would feel inconvenienced if you had to give up your job to raise your child, no? You were willing to give up your body for your child, but not your job. Why is the reverse so indicative of bad parenting?
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  #17  
December 3rd, 2009, 12:43 PM
lilflower
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tersh View Post
I agree 100% with that last statement, which is why I always struggle with the "my body, my choice" argument. There are so many gray areas.
That's exactly what I'm dealing with. If I can choose to terminate my pregnancy, decide what day I want my baby to be born, or if I even want to carry my baby who are women or the law for that matter to decide that men can't do the exact same things? Can they just find a surrogate daddy? No way! They'd be considered deadbeats if they so much as said that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by swade66 View Post
I think that if you can't even give birth to your own child because it isn't convenient for you then what else that goes along with motherhood won't be convenient to you?
That is what I'm wondering. If I decide I don't want to change my body because I want a child, then who's to say I'm going to want to get up at 3am to feed the child or can I just decide not to? Because then that would be my choice because I don't want telltale signs of being a mother (like those nifty dark circles around your eyes that just scream "I haven't slept in 3 weeks")?
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  #18  
December 3rd, 2009, 12:53 PM
Tersh's Avatar DD nurses her baby too!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilflower View Post


That is what I'm wondering. If I decide I don't want to change my body because I want a child, then who's to say I'm going to want to get up at 3am to feed the child or can I just decide not to? Because then that would be my choice because I don't want telltale signs of being a mother (like those nifty dark circles around your eyes that just scream "I haven't slept in 3 weeks")?
Well, in the first case, you can still care for the child properly even though you didn't give birth to that child. But, if you don't get up to feed your child because you want to avoid bags, you aren't caring for the child adequately.
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  #19  
December 3rd, 2009, 12:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilflower View Post
That's exactly what I'm dealing with. If I can choose to terminate my pregnancy, decide what day I want my baby to be born, or if I even want to carry my baby who are women or the law for that matter to decide that men can't do the exact same things? Can they just find a surrogate daddy? No way! They'd be considered deadbeats if they so much as said that.

Okay, this is interesting. I know it's not what you're saying, but aren't sperm banks essentially providing "surrogate daddies"?
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  #20  
December 3rd, 2009, 12:58 PM
IAmMomMomIAm
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Originally Posted by Jess is Write View Post
Okay, this is interesting. I know it's not what you're saying, but aren't sperm banks essentially providing "surrogate daddies"?
I would think so, in the sense we're talking about.

--------------------

Not carrying your own baby is not neglect. Letting your child starve because you don't want to feed it is. I'm objecting to the sentiment that women who don't want to deal with pregnancy will inherently be bad mothers. I think that's crap, personally.
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