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Alcohol and parenting


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  #1  
June 20th, 2006, 04:57 PM
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How many of you feel it is okay to get intoxicated after having a baby? To what extent should parents be drinking if at all?
Amanda
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  #2  
June 20th, 2006, 05:27 PM
frgsonmysox's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
How many of you feel it is okay to get intoxicated after having a baby? To what extent should parents be drinking if at all?
Amanda[/b]

I don't think a parent should ever get drunk AROUND there children. It impairs your judgement and you could do something harmful. Not to mention I've seen my mom drunk once when I was a teenager and I lost so much respect for her. I don't think kids should see their parents acting like idiots.
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  #3  
June 20th, 2006, 05:42 PM
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The reason why I ask is because I was reading about the co-sleeping topic. Well my SIL just had a baby last September. Her and her husband both take their daughter to parties with them, get drunk, drive with their daughter in the car, then come home and sleep with her in the bed both intoxicated. I grew up with an alcoholic father and I will never get drunk in front of my children. I think that if you have a sitter or something that's one thing, but to involve your children is just wrong IMO.
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  #4  
June 20th, 2006, 06:17 PM
Tanya G's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I see nothing wrong with drinking a reasonable amount of alcohol while you are around your child, i.e maybe a glass or two of wine, depending on your tolerance. But I think if you should have a sitter if you want to go out to the bar and get smashed.

In regards to co-sleeping while intoxicated, that is very irrespoinsible. Everyone knows the guidlines to co-sleeping and one of the main ones is no drugs or alcohol. You very much increase the risk of smothering your child. And driving while impaired!! I dont mean to be rude, but for the safety of that baby I would be calling social services.
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  #5  
June 20th, 2006, 06:38 PM
Ashes78
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I have never drank around my kids. If you don't drink often, you can get tipsy before you know it.
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  #6  
June 20th, 2006, 07:27 PM
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We have a "no drinks if you may be the driver" rule, first and foremost. You never know when an emergency is going to happen and we are going to need the car. So, we never both drink unless we have a relative sitting for the girls and sleeping over in the guest room. When we do have that reliable sitter, we don't go get plastered; it is just us going out on a date, usually to a sports bar kind of place where we can watch whatever soccer game is on.

As for casual drinking (for us, this means wine at dinner), we do this now and then. We make and bottle our own wine, so there is a store of it in the basement that we have at dinner now and then. It is a tradition in our family to make the wine when relatives come to visit twice a year, so our children will grow up bring exposed to that.

As for the general question of "To what extent should parents be drinking if at all?"...it depends. What are you family's traditions? What are your care arrangements? etcetc.
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  #7  
June 20th, 2006, 07:34 PM
cbrmommy's Avatar Veteran
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Posts: 382
I don't have a problem with parents drinking. I don't agree with drinking when the kids are at home, but if you're having anight out, I don't see a problem with it. You life as an adult doesn't end when you have children, it just changes. If it isnt happening in front of the kids, or while the kids are at home, and you arent going to be driving (in other words, if you're drinking responsibly) then why should there be a problem with it?
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  #8  
June 20th, 2006, 07:46 PM
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Quote:
We have a "no drinks if you may be the driver" rule, first and foremost. You never know when an emergency is going to happen and we are going to need the car. So, we never both drink unless we have a relative sitting for the girls and sleeping over in the guest room. When we do have that reliable sitter, we don't go get plastered; it is just us going out on a date, usually to a sports bar kind of place where we can watch whatever soccer game is on.

As for casual drinking (for us, this means wine at dinner), we do this now and then. We make and bottle our own wine, so there is a store of it in the basement that we have at dinner now and then. It is a tradition in our family to make the wine when relatives come to visit twice a year, so our children will grow up bring exposed to that.[/b]
That is what we do, we don't drink unless the girls are at our parents houses and are sleeping over. We will have beer or wine with dinner, but it is not on a daily basis.

I would LOVE to try some of your homemade wine!!! We tried once to make it and it was terrible. Not really, it was actually beyond terrible!
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  #9  
June 20th, 2006, 07:53 PM
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We don't have any made right now, but in November when relatives come for thanksgiving we will! We ship it to people who cannot attend, we'd be glad to send you some . It's really fun to do (it took us about 2 years- 5 sessions- to make one that we really liked- but we have friends who got the taste they wanted on the first try!!) I highly recommend if you have a place around you that does it. Ours is a grape farm in central NY.
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  #10  
June 20th, 2006, 08:02 PM
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I am 20 minutes from NYC, and I will definately be ordering some of your wine. I would love to taste the fruits of your labor!
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  #11  
June 20th, 2006, 08:08 PM
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I agree with the posters here so far. For rec drinking (wine, 1-2 beers) I think that is ok..but no more than that at home unless you have someone watching the kids. I'd also have a sitter or relative watching and staying the night with the kids or the kids with them (relative only in this case) if dh and I were to go out and get drunk.

I too have an alcoholic mother...and I HATE being around her when she is drinking...it's caused a major rift in our family.
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  #13  
June 20th, 2006, 09:46 PM
mrobinson
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I also have a very strict rule about drinking and emergencies.. DH and I agree who's going to drink before hand and the other doesn't have a drop.
Honestly I don't really care for alcohol and it's expensive... It makes me feel bad. I much better prefer my other vices like Coke slurpees!

I do wish no parent would have even a drink or two around their kid but I also wish for lots of impossible things so I understand it's just not possible. (Forgive me, it's late!)

Edit: My spelling and grammar.. YIKES!
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  #14  
June 21st, 2006, 01:19 AM
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I also think a reasonable amount is fine, but getting blind drunk isn't. I barely ever drink now, and if on the rare occasion I do, Jacob stays at his grandparents house and I never drink too much as I don't want a hangover the next day for when he returns.
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  #15  
June 21st, 2006, 04:34 AM
syncere
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I agree with drinking a glass or two of wine around your children if you are at home.. There is nothing wrong with enjoying something as small as that.. I also agree if you intend on getting smashed you should not be around your children. My DH doesnt drink so when I do have a few glasses of wine he is always around.
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  #16  
June 21st, 2006, 06:23 AM
Chrystal's Avatar Super Mommy
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Yes I agree, the thing is if you shelter your kids fom something too much, they will become ever more intrigued by it and want it all the more. My parents when I was old enough let me taste alittle alcohol, so I could see fo rmyself it was icky hehe, I never was interested in it then and still am not overly fussed now. Although I do love a drink during an occassion or something.
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  #17  
June 21st, 2006, 07:10 AM
LouLouMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
I also have a very strict rule about drinking and emergencies.. DH and I agree before hand and the other doesn't have a drop.
Honestly I don't really care for alcohol and it's expensive... I much better my other vices like Coke slurpees!

I do wish no parent would have even a drink or two around their kid but I also wish for lots of impossible things so I understand it's just not possible. (Forgive me, it's late!)[/b]
Totally agree Michelle. If both parents were drinking, even if you had a sitter, and there was an emergency, what would you do? Even if our kids were with my parents, they need their parents with them, not a sitter if someting happens. I hate beer, even the smell of it, and there really isn't any alcohol that I like. Maybe a bit of kahlua in my coffee once or twice a year DH and I went out for dinner one year for our anniversary and I ordered a glass of wine. I drank about half and was done. Dh *jokingly* said, that glass of wine was $12.00. I'm not leaving until it's gone Just to prove to him what a lightweight I was, I drank it. And got drunk off my ***** from one glass of wine

dh and I have alcoholism on both sides of our families so for us, we try to teach our kids that alcohol isn't a necessity, it is possible to live your life, go out to eat, go to a friend's house, go to a game, and not drink. We are so brainwashed into thinking that we need a beer to have a good time, look at the commercials. Not to mention the dumb men who think if they drink, they can get a chick that looks like Pam Anderson Okay, that's my POV.
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  #18  
June 21st, 2006, 07:12 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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I often wonder if the fact that our kids see wine being made/participate/see us drinking it now and then with dinner will make them more likely to drink or more likely to only drink moderately because it is what they see us doing.

But, by that logic, kids who don't see their parents drinking at all should be more inclined not to drink...


I dunno. I hope they see it as a family tradition and that casual drinking is also something that can be done safely with your family, some good food, and some good conversation.
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  #19  
June 21st, 2006, 09:52 AM
mrobinson
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Quote:
the thing is if you shelter your kids fom something too much, they will become ever more intrigued by it and want it all the more.[/b]
I plan on teaching my kids about everything under the sun.. That doesn't mean they need to see me shoot up in order to want it.. I'm sure just living in Calgary they'll get to see that stuff all on their own ~ hopefully exposed by me.

Quote:
I often wonder if the fact that our kids see wine being made/participate/see us drinking it now and then with dinner will make them more likely to drink or more likely to only drink moderately because it is what they see us doing.[/b]
Lead by example is my motto too. I think things like good friends/chats and activities are better example then seeing what happens to Uncle So-and-so every Thanksgiving, ykwim?

Sure you all can have a few around your kids.. That's your choice. A long time ago we chatted about starter drugs and such. We talked about how smoking weed was the starter while a few of us said cigs were... How far away is alochol from this. How do you really just enjoy a few drinks? Why do you need a drink to enjoy your time?
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  #20  
June 21st, 2006, 10:03 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
How far away is alochol from this. How do you really just enjoy a few drinks? Why do you need a drink to enjoy your time?[/b]
When I think about wine, I think about taste. For example, I would never drink wine with hamburgers for dinner, but a wine tastes great with pasta with oil and garlic sauce (even more so when your family made the wine!). I think that, because I see the drink as an added taste with the meal, it's not really about "enjoying a few drinks" but more like enjoying THE meal. I also believe good meals can bring out good conversation...so it all goes together when we sit down to eat.

HOwever, we do still go out to this sports place down the street when a big soccer game is on (we don't own a TV and none of our American friends like soccer- so we get a sleeping over relative to watch our girls). There, drinking is just about "enjoying the time," but I don't really know why...
I never really even get the feeling of being drunk, so it's not like it's for the alcohol. And some people say it enhances conversation, but I feel my communication with my husband isn't really lacking...

So I really have no idea why we do it. Because it's there? Because some drinks taste good? hmmm, something to think about...
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