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  #1  
June 20th, 2006, 06:44 PM
cyutegurl
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hi Im Rachael and Im 17 turning 18 in August.
I had my dear daughter May22nd,05 and I was 16.
Do you think its not right for teens to have babies? And how come?

And I have rant to make......
sometimes I would like to go to the love & sex forum....but it says only 18 and over, which is a slap in the face.
I am a mother whos under 18, who might wanna talk about different things thats going on with me in there.

Or on other websites about pregnancy its says must be 18 and over to join, which breaks my heart!

I wanted to go to a baby and me swim class, but it also said 18 and over.

Back in the day people had children at 12 (which is way to young) but what im trying to say, we are teens "yes", but we are old enough to know how to take care of a child. And we are VERY GOOD MOTHERS, just as good or better as u older mothers.

So dont look down on us, we are all equal.
  #3  
June 20th, 2006, 06:55 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,667
Back in the day, when teens had babies, almost all of them were married, and that is not the case today. And it does make a difference.
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  #4  
June 20th, 2006, 06:59 PM
Ashes78
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Quote:
Back in the day, when teens had babies, almost all of them were married, and that is not the case today. And it does make a difference.[/b]
How does being married make a difference? I was 17 when I got pregnant with my first son, 18 when I had him. I went to college, worked and took care of myself and my son. I wasn't married to his father.
  #5  
June 20th, 2006, 07:06 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 4,307
Is it not right for teens to have babies? Ok, let me see how to say this without offending anyone.

If you are a teen and are in a committed relationship and you are trying to get pregnant, do you have a place to live? A means to support yourself? Access to the medical care that you will need throughout and after your pregnancy? Then hey, if that is what you want, who am I to say it is not right?

If you got pregnant as a teen by "accident," and you have decided to keep and raise your baby, well, kudos to you and I hope that your situation turns out great. It is not anyone else's decsion about whether a teen should have a baby or not.

I would just hope that even though you are a "teen" that you think two steps ahead, always have a safety net and surround yourself with people who will love and support you and your baby. That is what I hope of everyone who has a baby. Everyone needs a support system in place, regardless of age.

Personally, I was in a committed relationship at age 16. My husband and I have been together for 15 years (since then) and I would never have tried to get pregnant before we were married. That was just me. I wanted to finish high school, college, and then I went on to get 2 Masters degrees. My husband also finished school, and THEN we got married and started a family. That was just what was right for us. I can't judge people based on my choices in life.

I have seen 18 year olds who take the BEST care of their children, are involved and interact with their children, and I have seen 30 year olds who pawn their kids off on relatives or babysitters so they can go out and have a good time. Age is irrelevant (to a point, I hope no 13 year olds want to go out and get pregnant, that is a little too liberal for me). Just be the best mom you can no matter how old (or young) you are.

Quote:
Back in the day, when teens had babies, almost all of them were married, and that is not the case today. And it does make a difference.[/b]
I can't agree with this statement. There can be an 18 year old single mom and a 30 year old single mom. What is the difference? They both may or may not have decent jobs, they both may or may not have family to help out. It is not like the married teens back in the day had salaries that paid six figures. They managed, just like everyone else does. You always do whatever you have to so you can take care of your family, and that has nothing to do with age.
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  #6  
June 20th, 2006, 07:09 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,667
Ok, here goes--this is why it is important be married while parenting children...

"Canadian Press recently published the results of a massive Statistics Canada study of 23,000 children across the country during an eight month period in 1994 and 1995. The central conclusion of the study is that children raised by single mothers face increased risks of emotional, behavioural, academic and social problems. (Statistics Canada)

One in six children in Canada live in single-parent families, 93% of these headed by single mothers. (Statistics Canada)

Social researchers have long known that growing up in poverty puts children at higher risk for problems such as hyperactivity, emotional distress or failing a grade at school. But, the agency found the incidence of such problems among children of well-off single mothers was generally higher than for children from poor two-parent familes. (Portia Priegert, Canadian Press)

Such statistics do not mean single mothers are worse parents, rather they suggest that single mothers have a tough job juggling their responsibilities at work and home and have fewer resources than traditional families. (Carolyne Gorlick, social policy professor at the University of Western Ontario)

And children may be more prone to problems because their parents have gone through painful divorces. (Robert Glossop, Vanier Institute of the Family, Ottawa)"

And this, from the Associated Press--

"Children growing up in single-parent families are twice as likely as their counterparts in two-parent families to develop serious psychiatric illnesses and addictions later in life, a Swedish study has found.

The question of why and how those children end up with such problems remains unanswered. The study suggests that financial hardship may play a role, but some experts question that finding.

Experts say the study, published this week in the British medical journal The Lancet, is convincing because it is unprecedented in scale and follow-up. It tracked about a million children for a decade, into their mid-20's.

The study used the Swedish national registries, which cover almost the entire population and provide extensive socioeconomic and health data.

Children were considered to be living in a single-parent household if they were living with the same single adult in the housing censuses of both 1985 and 1990. About 65,000 were living with their mother or their father, some 921,000 with both parents.

The scientists found that children with single parents were twice as likely as the others to develop a psychiatric illness like severe depression or schizophrenia, to commit suicide or try to, and to develop an alcohol-related disease."

One more, from TheFutureofChildren.org--

"Why Do Single-Parent Families Put Children at Risk?

Researchers have several theories to explain why children growing up with single parents have an elevated risk of experiencing cognitive, social, and emotional problems. Most refer either to the economic and parental resources available to children or to the stressful events and circumstances to which these children must adapt.

Economic Hardship
For a variety of reasons documented elsewhere in this volume, most children living with single parents are economically disadvantaged. It is difficult for poor single parents to afford the books, home computers, and private lessons that make it easier for their children to succeed in school. Similarly, they cannot afford clothes, shoes, cell phones, and other consumer goods that give their children status among their peers. Moreover, many live in rundown neighborhoods with high crime rates, low-quality schools, and few community services. Consistent with these observations, many studies have shown that economic resources explain some of the differences in well-being between children with single parents and those with continuously married parents.44 Research showing that children do better at school and exhibit fewer behavioral problems when nonresident fathers pay child support likewise suggests the importance of income in facilitating children's well-being in single-parent households.45

Quality of Parenting
Regardless of family structure, the quality of parenting is one of the best predictors of children's emotional and social well-being. Many single parents, however, find it difficult to function effectively as parents. Compared with continuously married parents, they are less emotionally supportive of their children, have fewer rules, dispense harsher discipline, are more inconsistent in dispensing discipline, provide less supervision, and engage in more conflict with their children.46 Many of these deficits in parenting presumably result from struggling to make ends meet with limited financial resources and trying to raise children without the help of the other biological parent. Many studies link inept parenting by resident single parents with a variety of negative outcomes among children, including poor academic achievement, emotional problems, conduct problems, low self-esteem, and problems forming and maintaining social relationships. Other studies show that depression among custodial mothers, which usually detracts from effective parenting, is related to poor adjustment among offspring.47

Although the role of the resident parent (usually the mother) in promoting children's well-being is clear, the nonresident parent (usually the father) can also play an important role. In a meta-analysis of sixty-three studies of nonresident fathers and their children, Joan Gilbreth and I found that children had higher academic achievement and fewer emotional and conduct problems when nonresident fathers were closely involved in their lives.48 We also found that studies of nonresident fathers in the 1990s were more likely than earlier studies to report positive effects of father involvement. Nonresident fathers may thus be enacting the parent role more successfully now than in the past, with beneficial consequences for children. Nevertheless, analysts consistently find that many nonresident fathers are minimally engaged with their children. Between one-fourth and one-third of nonresident fathers maintain frequent contact with their children, and a roughly equal share of fathers maintains little or no contact.49 Interviews with children reveal that losing contact with fathers is one of the most painful outcomes of divorce.50

Children also thrive when their parents have a cooperative co-parental relationship. When parents agree on the rules and support one another's decisions, children learn that parental authority is not arbitrary. Parental agreement also means that children are not subjected to inconsistent discipline when they misbehave. Consistency between parents helps children to learn and internalize social norms and moral values. Another benefit of a positive co-parental relationship is the modeling of interpersonal skills, such as showing respect, communicating clearly, and resolving disputes through negotiation and compromise. Children who learn these skills by observing their parents have positive relationships with peers and, later, with intimate partners. When children's parents live in separate households, however, cooperative coparenting is not the norm. Although some parents remain locked in conflict for many years, especially if a divorce is involved, most gradually disengage and communicate little with one another. At best, most children living with single parents experience “parallel” parenting rather than cooperative co-parenting.51

Exposure to Stress
Children living with single parents are exposed to more stressful experiences and circumstances than are children living with continuously married parents. Although scholars define stress in somewhat different ways, most assume that it occurs when external demands exceed people's coping resources. This results in feelings of emotional distress, a reduced capacity to function in school, work, and family roles, and an increase in physiological indicators of arousal.52 Economic hardship, inept parenting, and loss of contact with a parent (as noted earlier) can be stressful for children. Observing conflict and hostility between resident and nonresident parents also is stressful.53 Conflict between nonresident parents appears to be particularly harmful when children feel that they are caught in the middle, as when one parent denigrates the other parent in front of the child, when children are asked to transmit critical or emotionally negative messages from one parent to the other, and when one parent attempts to recruit the child as an ally against the other.54 Interparental conflict is a direct stressor for children, and it can also interfere with their attachments to parents, resulting in feelings of emotional insecurity.55

Moving is a difficult experience for many children, especially when it involves losing contact with neighborhood friends. Moreover, moves that require changing schools can put children out of step with their classmates in terms of the curriculum. Children with single parents move more frequently than other children do, partly because of economic hardship (which forces parents to seek less expensive accommodation in other areas) and partly because single parents form new romantic attachments (as when a single mother marries and moves in with her new husband). Studies show that frequent moving increases the risk of academic, behavioral, and emotional problems for children with single parents.56 For many children, as noted, the addition of a stepparent to the household is a stressful change. And when remarriages end in divorce, children are exposed to yet more stressful transitions. Indeed, some studies indicate that the number of transitions that children experience while growing up (including multiple parental divorces, cohabitations, and remarriages) is a good predictor of their behavioral and emotional problems as adolescents and young adults.57

The “Selection” Perspective
Explanations that focus on economic hardship, the quality of parenting, and exposure to stress all assume that the circumstances associated with living in a single-parent household negatively affect children's well-being. A quite different explanation-—and the main alternative to these views-—is that many poorly adjusted individuals either never marry in the first place or see their marriages end in divorce. In other words, these people carry traits that “select” them into single parenthood. Parents can transmit these problematic traits to their children either through genetic inheritance or inept parenting. For example, a mother with an antisocial personality may pass this genetic predisposition to her children. Her personality also may contribute to her marriage's ending in divorce. Her children will thus be at risk of exhibiting antisocial behavior, but the risk has little to do with the divorce. The discovery that concordance (similarity between siblings) for divorce among adults is higher among identical than fraternal twins suggests that genes may predispose some people to engage in behaviors that increase the risk of divorce.58 If parents' personality traits and other genetically transmitted predispositions are causes of single parenthood as well as childhood problems, then the apparent effects on children of growing up with a single parent are spurious.

Because researchers cannot conduct a true experiment and randomly allocate children to live with single or married parents, it is difficult to rule out the selection perspective. Nevertheless, many studies cast doubt on it. For example, some have found significant differences between children with divorced and continuously married parents even after controlling for personality traits such as depression and antisocial behavior in parents.59 Others have found higher rates of problems among children with single parents, using statistical methods that adjust for unmeasured variables that, in principle, should include parents' personality traits as well as many genetic influences.60 And a few studies have found that the link between parental divorce and children's problems is similar for adopted and biological children— a finding that cannot be explained by genetic transmission.61 Another study, based on a large sample of twins, found that growing up in a single-parent family predicted depression in adulthood even with genetic resemblance controlled statistically.62 Although some degree of selection still may be operating, the weight of the evidence strongly suggests that growing up without two biological parents in the home increases children's risk of a variety of cognitive, emotional, and social problems."




Now my PC disclaimer--I know, I know, not every single child is going to experience problems, but the studies say they are more likely to have problems.
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  #7  
June 20th, 2006, 07:20 PM
Ashes78
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Do you have links for these articles? References for the studies, etc.?
  #8  
June 20th, 2006, 07:24 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,667
If you read the post and the articles you will see where they came from and who did them. The first one is by Statistics Canada, the second by Swedish researchers and was published in the British medical journal The Lancet (a very highly respected medical journal), and the third is from thefutureofchildren.org.
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  #9  
June 20th, 2006, 07:28 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 4,307
I say poo poo to that.

Working single moms can also have great relationships and raise awesome children.

Here is an enlightening editorial.


Who Cares What They Say About Single Moms!
by: Teri Worten
Even in today's sophisticated society, single parent families are often stigmatized and thoughtlessly perceived as not entirely as functional as two parent families. Most single moms can verify how such of a stigma seems to linger over our heads like some dark, ominous cloud. For instance, men assume because we have children, we are desperate for husbands, schools believe us to be operating with a disability and very few churches have created ministries exclusively for us.


I could go on.


By some, our families are viewed as abnormal, incomplete or fragmented. Our homes are called “broken” and are indirectly associated with producing defective or maladjusted children. The sad reality is that the majority of the people who raise these criticisms have had limited exposure with successful single parent families and are narrowly interpreting “so called” research written by people who know little about us or the “human” side of our families. Allow me to be among the first to tell you that contrary to popular opinion, most single moms succeed wonderfully at raising healthy, happy well-adjusted children. In numerous categories, our family types outshine our two parent counterparts.


By no means am I glamorizing single parenting as an ideal family situation. Two-parent families do create a continuum of support invaluable to healthy youth development.


Nonetheless, the story doesn’t end there.


Our families, however, do possess some specific, undeniable strengths that effectually enable us raise healthy, well-developed children. Our one-parent families tend to create a less troublesome environment than that of some of our two-parent families. For example, parents in a distressed two-parent family are often overwhelmed with maintaining a healthy marriage and can easily overlook the emotional and developmental needs of their children. Likewise, two parents in emotional duress inadvertently model an unhealthy, undesired model of family life in plain view their children. Growing up in such an atmosphere can influence harmful patterns and cycles of broken relationships throughout generations!.


On the other hand, single parent families don’t fall victim to such pitfalls. Ideally, we can engineer stability and emotional wellness within ourselves without the added worries connected with or caring for a spouse. In short, all we have to worry about is ourselves! Within our homes, our children see no arguing or witness power struggles between the two authority figures.


As a result, many single parent homes are better equipped to provide a relaxed, fun home atmosphere for children to grow, develop and thrive. It has been stated that children of healthy single parents frequently acquire competencies and valuable life skills that prepare them to be productive, independent adults. Also, if functioning well our families tend to be to be closer and cooperative with one another.


Undoubtedly, our family structure does have its fair share of challenges, but none of them are fatal. Yes, ideally a child should have two healthy, well-balanced parents but it doesn't always work out that way. So we must accentuate the positive and go on to excel as mothers, flourish as women, and produce healthy young people despite being single and despite the prejudices against our family types. So, hold your head high and embrace who you are and where you are during this "single parent" season in your life.
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  #10  
June 20th, 2006, 07:33 PM
Kierasmom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 23,763
Quote:
Hi Im Rachael and Im 17 turning 18 in August.
I had my dear daughter May22nd,05 and I was 16.
Do you think its not right for teens to have babies? And how come?

And I have rant to make......
sometimes I would like to go to the love & sex forum....but it says only 18 and over, which is a slap in the face.
I am a mother whos under 18, who might wanna talk about different things thats going on with me in there.

Or on other websites about pregnancy its says must be 18 and over to join, which breaks my heart!

I wanted to go to a baby and me swim class, but it also said 18 and over.

Back in the day people had children at 12 (which is way to young) but what im trying to say, we are teens "yes", but we are old enough to know how to take care of a child. And we are VERY GOOD MOTHERS, just as good or better as u older mothers.

So dont look down on us, we are all equal.[/b]
Hey your baby was born on my daughters due date. I had to be induced due to problems and had her on the 17th. You should come over to the May 2005 Playroom!

I don't have a problem with teen parents as long as they are really trying to take care of their kids. I think you make just as good parents as older parents. I also think single parents can raise well rounded children that are just as good as married parents.
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  #11  
June 20th, 2006, 07:33 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,667
That's a very cheerful EDITORIAL. But what I posted were actual studies, where scientists looked at hard data and reached conclusions.

And maybe you missed my disclaimer, but the studies didn't say every child of a single parent is doomed, but they ARE clearly a lot more likely to have problems. The studies seem to indicate being raised in a two parent family is usually better for a child.
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  #12  
June 20th, 2006, 07:41 PM
MellieB's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Melbourne, Aust.
Posts: 64,110
Quote:
I say poo poo to that.[/b]


What about those people who are in committed relationships who aren't married? Still two parents in the childs life.

Regardless of age or marital status of parents a child needs to know that they have people to depend on. Would you rather that people stay in a marriage or relationship that they are not happy in just for the sake of the children? This can and does do more damage than it stops, I speak from personal expericance. Children need to be raised in a happy, caring enviroment, age and marital status does not indicate these factors.

And has for the whole single-parent=poverty for the child thing. That is so wrong. I know of families who have two working parents who can barely make ends meet, and I also know a family where there is a single mother who earns plenty. Her and her three kids live in a large house, always have new clothes, heaps of food in the house, go on yearly overseas holidays ect. Things that the 2 parent families can only dream of.

I say as long as you can keep a roof over your kids head, clothes on their backs and food on the table then who cares about your age or whether you are married to the kids other parent or not.
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  #13  
June 20th, 2006, 07:42 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 4,307
With topics like these, I prefer to use real life examples, rather then studies that are skewed to make a point in favor of the person/s creating the study.

I could start a study that shows how single parents raise wonderful children. Of the many people that look at this, do you think any of the single moms are rasing helions? They can't all be a part of the "special group" that are not affected...
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  #14  
June 20th, 2006, 07:51 PM
Ashes78
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Quote:
If you read the post and the articles you will see where they came from and who did them. The first one is by Statistics Canada, the second by Swedish researchers and was published in the British medical journal The Lancet (a very highly respected medical journal), and the third is from thefutureofchildren.org.[/b]
But see, I'm too tired to look those up. I'm not going to research your side of the arguement.
  #15  
June 20th, 2006, 08:25 PM
cyutegurl
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Posts: n/a
[quote]
Ok, here goes--this is why it is important be married while parenting children...

BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!



People 17 or people 35 are not always married.................Im not married to my partner(24yrs old)....we are just common-law, we are planning to get married someday.....and we do a terrific job with our daughter she has everything she needs.

And to single moms, all power to you! I think its good having a baby young in away, because it pushes you to finish highschool,go to college and have a great job for you and your children.

theres lots of teens and twenty year olds who dont have children, they still live off their parents, dont have a job and party all the time. EVEN 30yrs olds are like that.


WHO CARES ABOUT UR MARITAL STATUS AS LONG AS UR CHILD IS HEALTHY AND SAFE AND HAS THE THINGS HE/SHE NEEDS!

And I know its good for the childs well being to have 2 parents......BUT theres lots of children who are happy and lived good lifes with out their dad or mom.

Think twice.....
  #16  
June 20th, 2006, 08:29 PM
Veteran
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Posts: 5,429
I don't look down on them. But I do feel bad for them, because it is going to be a hard life for most. Most teen mommies aren't married, haven't done everything they wanted to do in life, will have trouble going to school/working as a single mother.
  #18  
June 20th, 2006, 09:24 PM
mrobinson
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<div class=\'quotetop\'>QUOTE(calicocat @ Jun 20 2006, 08:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class=\'quotemain\'>That\'s a very cheerful EDITORIAL. But what I posted were actual studies, where scientists looked at hard data and reached conclusions.
And maybe you missed my disclaimer, but the studies didn\'t say every child of a single parent is doomed, but they ARE clearly a lot more likely to have problems. The studies seem to indicate being raised in a two parent family is usually better for a child.[/b][/quote]

I actually agree with your studies and your pov.. whether or not single, teen mommies are here, the bottom line is the mothers and kids have it tougher than non-single, older mommies.
  #19  
June 20th, 2006, 09:54 PM
irishxrose
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Quote:
Ok, here goes--this is why it is important be married while parenting children...

Now my PC disclaimer--I know, I know, not every single child is going to experience problems, but the studies say they are more likely to have problems.[/b]
Yeah well you can kiss it for all I care. I am ENGAGED, I HAVE A SON, and I am a DARN GOOD PARENT! And guess what? I'm 18 years old. My fiance and I have been together for over two years. He is a great father. Your "studies" that you pulled out of your butt mean NOTHING to me. I see single mommies as some of the strongest people out there. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have my fiance. Oh, and by the way, out of the seven teen moms that I know, only TWO are bad parents. TWO. All the rest of the teen moms I know are great parents, and their children are happy, healthy and are being raised by wonderful people.

Oh, and my parents were married when they had me and my brother. They divorced when I was five. All I remember of those years are FIGHTS, FIGHTS AND MORE FIGHTS. So your whole "marriage is better" argument certainly didn't work in my case.

Maybe you should start looking at reality cases than studies that are skewered to support one's argument.

Yes, we have it rough. That I won't deny. However, your argument about how we should be married before we have kids so we don't have problems is a whole bunch of crap. I am unmarried, and guess what? I have a healthy, happy FAMILY.
  #20  
June 20th, 2006, 10:04 PM
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Deb Deb is offline
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Quote:
sometimes I would like to go to the love & sex forum....but it says only 18 and over, which is a slap in the face.
I am a mother whos under 18, who might wanna talk about different things thats going on with me in there.

Or on other websites about pregnancy its says must be 18 and over to join, which breaks my heart!

I wanted to go to a baby and me swim class, but it also said 18 and over.[/b]
Here's the reality of the situation - by law, you are not an adult. Having a baby does not legally make you an adult. You could have a baby at 12, you're still not an adult. There has to be some general cut off point, and 18 is what it is. JM is protecting the website from Federal Indecency Laws. So are other websites. Baby and Me swim classes are protecting themselves from the liability of allowing 2 children (legally speaking) to take a class together without 'adult' supervision and having some sort of accident. It's just the way things are - having a baby doesn't mean you're a grown up by law. People can go to war and be killed and not be able to buy a beer. It's just the way things are.

Chin up, you're almost there. Only a couple more months.
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