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  #1  
June 21st, 2006, 07:22 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Overland Park, Kansas
Posts: 717
I just went to dictionary.com and looked up the definition for judging. It said judging is the act of forming an opinion.

Now, this is a debate forum...all the responses are opinions about this situation or that situation. Therefore, we are ALL judging. So why is it that I constantly read "Now I'm not judging, but..." . Of course you are...big deal. That is what debating is all about. What is the big tadoo about it??

This is something else I'm highly confused about. Perhaps someone can shed some light on this topic as well for me? Thanks
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  #2  
June 21st, 2006, 07:47 PM
chlodoll
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I wonder the same thing. Its like saying I am pro-choice but I would NEVER have an abortion. Thats judging someone who has.
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  #3  
June 21st, 2006, 07:51 PM
LouLouMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NY
Posts: 4,435
Quote:
I just went to dictionary.com and looked up the definition for judging. It said judging is the act of forming an opinion.

Now, this is a debate forum...all the responses are opinions about this situation or that situation. Therefore, we are ALL judging. So why is it that I constantly read "Now I'm not judging, but..." . Of course you are...big deal. That is what debating is all about. What is the big tadoo about it??

This is something else I'm highly confused about. Perhaps someone can shed some light on this topic as well for me? Thanks [/b]
THANK YOU!!!! I have said the SAME thing and even quoted the definition out of the dictionary and there are still people with their noses up in the air that say "well, *I* Don't judge" Do you have an opinion? Then you DO judge. I also think that you can judge the action without judging the person. Does that always happen, no. Depends on what you're judging. Smokers, I judge the act , not the person. Murderers, I judge the act and the person, KWIM?
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  #4  
June 21st, 2006, 08:08 PM
frgsonmysox's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Offutt AFB, NE
Posts: 19,799
Quote:
I wonder the same thing. Its like saying I am pro-choice but I would NEVER have an abortion. Thats judging someone who has.[/b]

now I don't agree with this. I'm pro-choice but that doesn't mean I would have an abortion. I don't agree with abortion, but I think that every woman has that right to chose what's best for her body/situation. I have never judged someone for getting one, and I've known women who have. Like someone said, I might judge the act but not the person.
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  #5  
June 21st, 2006, 08:15 PM
chlodoll
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I wonder the same thing. Its like saying I am pro-choice but I would NEVER have an abortion. Thats judging someone who has.[/b]

now I don't agree with this. I'm pro-choice but that doesn't mean I would have an abortion. I don't agree with abortion, but I think that every woman has that right to chose what's best for her body/situation. I have never judged someone for getting one, and I've known women who have. Like someone said, I might judge the act but not the person.
[/b]
If feel you dont agree with the act then you are judging someone who got one. I can understand that you may sympathize with the person but you still place judgement on both the act and the person.
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  #6  
June 22nd, 2006, 12:16 AM
kadydid
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We all judge, if someone doesn’t want to be judged they should avoid debate message boards.
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  #8  
June 22nd, 2006, 04:50 AM
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Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 5,120
Not everyone judges. You can say I'm putting my nose up in the air if you want, but I don't judge people. I judge an ACT, but never a person. I was raised with the value of empathy, and taught that you don't judge someone unless you have walked in their shoes, lived their life. Like, I can say I hate abortion, but that doesnt mean I hate the girl who gets one. I can say I hate and condemn the crime of rape, but I don't condemn the rapist. I'm a Christian and I believe that only God can judge. That's just the way I try to live my life, so that's why I say it. And if you think that means I shouldn't be on the debate boards, oh well!
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  #9  
June 22nd, 2006, 05:48 AM
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Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,667
Everybody judges. If someone thinks they are "non-judgemental" they are kidding themselves. Everyone has opinions, and that is the basis of judgement as the OP noted. I don't see why people are so threatened by other people's opinions. I guess some people just want constant validation and when they run into someone with an opposing viewpoint they get all offended.
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  #10  
June 22nd, 2006, 06:01 AM
LouLouMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Everybody judges. If someone thinks they are "non-judgemental" they are kidding themselves. Everyone has opinions, and that is the basis of judgement as the OP noted. I don't see why people are so threatened by other people's opinions. I guess some people just want constant validation and when they run into someone with an opposing viewpoint they get all offended.[/b]
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  #11  
June 22nd, 2006, 06:14 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,780
Everyone has opinions, it is just best to present them in a civil way so you don't come off all high and mighty. And not get too personal or insulting.

For instance, there is a big difference between saying:
I don't agree with abortion. (Okay, that's an opinion)

And saying:
Everyone who has an abortion is a scumbag. (Offensive, and insulting)
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  #12  
June 22nd, 2006, 06:18 AM
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Posts: 3,496
Opinion- OK
jumping to conclusions- not OK
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  #13  
June 22nd, 2006, 06:22 AM
lea27's Avatar Veteran
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Location: Massachusetts
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Quote:
If feel you dont agree with the act then you are judging someone who got one. I can understand that you may sympathize with the person but you still place judgement on both the act and the person.[/b]

So what? As long as you can respect the fact that they have the right to get one if they want, then who cares?
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  #14  
June 22nd, 2006, 06:39 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 5,120
There is a difference between judging an ACT and judging a PERSON. There is also a difference between being tactful and respectful when you give an opinion and being rude and offensive.
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  #15  
June 22nd, 2006, 08:43 AM
chlodoll
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(chlodoll @ Jun 21 2006, 09:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
<div class='quotemain'>
I wonder the same thing. Its like saying I am pro-choice but I would NEVER have an abortion. Thats judging someone who has.[/b]

now I don't agree with this. I'm pro-choice but that doesn't mean I would have an abortion. I don't agree with abortion, but I think that every woman has that right to chose what's best for her body/situation. I have never judged someone for getting one, and I've known women who have. Like someone said, I might judge the act but not the person.
[/b]
If feel you dont agree with the act then you are judging someone who got one. I can understand that you may sympathize with the person but you still place judgement on both the act and the person.
[/b][/quote]

Ok lemme get your thoughts on this scenario.......
I am pro-choice, i think that every woman has a right to choose what is best for them, but i personally wouldnt have an abortion, because DH is against them, and it would be his child as well...Is that judging???
[/b][/quote]

well i guess that would be judging by association lol i dont know alison, you never know what the future holds
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  #16  
June 23rd, 2006, 12:38 AM
AbbyHannahsMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,497
Quote:
Not everyone judges. You can say I'm putting my nose up in the air if you want, but I don't judge people. I judge an ACT, but never a person. I was raised with the value of empathy, and taught that you don't judge someone unless you have walked in their shoes, lived their life. Like, I can say I hate abortion, but that doesnt mean I hate the girl who gets one. I can say I hate and condemn the crime of rape, but I don't condemn the rapist. I'm a Christian and I believe that only God can judge. That's just the way I try to live my life, so that's why I say it. And if you think that means I shouldn't be on the debate boards, oh well![/b]

So if someone killed or raped your child.. you wouldnt judge them in anyway?? I'm not sure you can really say that you wouldnt unless you were put into that situation.
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  #17  
June 23rd, 2006, 07:40 AM
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Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 5,120
Quote:
Quote:
Not everyone judges. You can say I'm putting my nose up in the air if you want, but I don't judge people. I judge an ACT, but never a person. I was raised with the value of empathy, and taught that you don't judge someone unless you have walked in their shoes, lived their life. Like, I can say I hate abortion, but that doesnt mean I hate the girl who gets one. I can say I hate and condemn the crime of rape, but I don't condemn the rapist. I'm a Christian and I believe that only God can judge. That's just the way I try to live my life, so that's why I say it. And if you think that means I shouldn't be on the debate boards, oh well![/b]

So if someone killed or raped your child.. you wouldnt judge them in anyway?? I'm not sure you can really say that you wouldnt unless you were put into that situation.
[/b]
Honestly, your right...If I really think about it, if I was in that situation I would probobly want to kill someone that hurt my child...but that's a really extreme scenerio....I guess we just all have our limits of tolerance and mine might just be higher than some peoples.
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  #18  
June 23rd, 2006, 09:06 AM
mrobinson
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Judging is something that really takes alot of energy.. It can drive a person crazy to be that wound up. Sooner or later there has to be a point of acceptance with everything. Wrong things happen everday, everywhere which also means history has wrong things in it everday. The future is going to have wrong things in it too.
Sooner or later people have to accept that people will:
-will die
-Have abortions
-Do drugs
-Smoke
-Have sex
-Have sex young
-have sex and get preggo
-have mental illness
-not be able to breastfeed
-go off their mental illnesss meds even though they shouldn't
- commit a crime
- be hungry
- be desperate
- join a cult
- be in an abusive relationship and feel like they can't get out
- go to war, kill or cut off gentials under the false pretense of a belief like democracy, communism, or religious reasons
- starve to death
- die of a preventable disease
- die delivering a baby
- die in a jail
- die in an accident

and

-someone isn't going to be a perfect parent because

~ they had too many kids
~ they didn't have enough
~ they didn't breastfeed or they did
~ they drank or smoked in front of their kids
~ they have deep beliefs that affected their kids or didn't
~ they had an eating disorder which made their kids fat or skinny


YWIM?

Sooner or later people have to accept this is a fact of life instead of:
~ pretending it's possible to not do anything wrong, ever
~ pretending like every "good" cause worth dying for doesn't result in death.

Anyway.. can you relutantly accept this? If you do, why? Why not? Are there not facts of life we have to accept? We can't jail everyone and take every "bad" parent's child away...

Risk and stress management is acceptance that things happen that we can't control or do anything about. The after effects of bad things need the help. We have to work with it as much as it upsets us at times. If we don't, we'll all need to pop medication to deal with the stress. Mistakes are always preventable but it's the human condition to learn from our mistakes. Even mistakes is a strong term because it's really just adjusting a life in order how to learn to cope.. That's why we have "survivors" of crime, cancer, drugs, and unplanned pregnacnies.. Judging someone for their past makes everyone of us bad. So why the need to judge? I haven't been able to understand why we don't speak of issues here like breastfeeding and explain to people who don't understand why other people do or don't what they do.. It's astounding to me the answer to the most judgmental is: I did it, so why can't they? The answer will always be because they're not you.

It takes so much energy to be judgmental.. image if that energy was used to figure out solutions to an accepted truth?

As for having an opinion, we all have educated and uneducated ones.. I have lots of both. We learn from each other here, so I thought. There is a way to have a respectful opinion. There are ways to engage respectfully...
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  #19  
June 23rd, 2006, 09:21 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Angelo, Texas
Posts: 3,274
I agree that judging someone or an act is stating your opinion about it. However, like someone else mentioned, there are ways to be tactful about it and there are ways to be flat out rude and insulting. I really liked SCGirl's examples. Also if you do state your opinion to someone you shouldn't have to force it upon a person and make them feel like they are bad or wrong for their opinion or decision.
Amanda
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  #20  
June 23rd, 2006, 10:17 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Overland Park, Kansas
Posts: 717
I agree Northcutt. I just see so many women on this board saying their opinion (not even in a rude way...or at least not to me) and then they are like "Now I'm not judging...."...I just don't get that.

And why is it so bad to judge ppl? Why do ppl freak out about being judged or judging others? I guess that is my main question? O_o...lol

To me it's like someone saying "Now I don't agree with that, I think it's wrong. (essentially saying they think what the mother/father whoever...whatever is wrong)" Big deal, it's their opinion.
But the person doing the "wrong" in the others eyes freaks out and starts saying
"Who are YOU to judge me??? You don't know me...blah blah blah blah"

Is it that hard to say "You have your opinion, I have mine. I think I'm doing (w/e... I dunno pick any scenario lol) it the right way" End of story.

Erg...I don't think I'm making much sense today, I'm highly stressed out so sorry if this is confusing!!!!!!
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