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Teen Pregnancy Part2


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  #1  
June 21st, 2006, 11:04 PM
cyutegurl
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For people who dont know what the MAIN topic is about :

The topic former to my first debate:

Hi Im Rachael and Im 17 turning 18 in August.
I had my dear daughter May22nd,05 and I was 16.
Do you think its not right for teens to have babies? And how come?

And I have rant to make......
sometimes I would like to go to the love & sex forum....but it says only 18 and over, which is a slap in the face.
I am a mother whos under 18, who might wanna talk about different things thats going on with me in there.

Or on other websites about pregnancy its says must be 18 and over to join, which breaks my heart!

I wanted to go to a baby and me swim class, but it also said 18 and over.

Back in the day people had children at 12 (which is way to young) but what im trying to say, we are teens "yes", but we are old enough to know how to take care of a child. And we are VERY GOOD MOTHERS, just as good or better as u older mothers.

So dont look down on us, we are all equal.

POINTED TO A LADY WHO POSTED BEFORE:
AND YES THEY DID GET MARRIED AND HAVE CHILDREN AT 12 MAYBE NOT HERE OR IN THE US BUT IN CHINA AND THE PHILIPPINES PLACES LIKE THAT!
  #2  
June 21st, 2006, 11:15 PM
Cereal Killer's Avatar Aiming for mediocrity
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: in my house
Posts: 7,374
Quote:
For people who dont know what the MAIN topic is about :

The topic former to my first debate:

Hi Im Rachael and Im 17 turning 18 in August.
I had my dear daughter May22nd,05 and I was 16.
Do you think its not right for teens to have babies? And how come?

And I have rant to make......
sometimes I would like to go to the love & sex forum....but it says only 18 and over, which is a slap in the face.
I am a mother whos under 18, who might wanna talk about different things thats going on with me in there.

Or on other websites about pregnancy its says must be 18 and over to join, which breaks my heart!

I wanted to go to a baby and me swim class, but it also said 18 and over.

Back in the day people had children at 12 (which is way to young) but what im trying to say, we are teens "yes", but we are old enough to know how to take care of a child. And we are VERY GOOD MOTHERS, just as good or better as u older mothers.

So dont look down on us, we are all equal.

POINTED TO A LADY WHO POSTED BEFORE:
AND YES THEY DID GET MARRIED AND HAVE CHILDREN AT 12 MAYBE NOT HERE OR IN THE US BUT IN CHINA AND THE PHILIPPINES PLACES LIKE THAT! [/b]


Are you in need of attention or something? Why would you want to center an entire debate over your current situation?
Great, people got married at 12 way back when, people also owned other people, men were allowed to rape or kill their wives, women could not vote or have jobs, and fathers sold their children for livestock....what's your point??
You seem to think there is nothing debatable about your situation, so why are you wanting to discuss it?? I just don't understand what reaction you are expecting from people? If you want validation or acceptance then go post in the teen mommies room and talk about how you have it all figured out and what great moms teenagers make....I am really confused about your intent with this "debate".
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Wife, Mother of 4, Homeschooling, and wine drinking.


  #3  
June 21st, 2006, 11:40 PM
cyutegurl
Guest
Posts: n/a
Attention seeker, where do u get that from?
I am just reopening a debate I had once opened and I would like one an other to try and understand eachothers views. It's a good subject to talk about, and hopefully help eachother out in the long run.

Another young lady had reopened this forum earlier, but NO! I get called the attention seeker.
  #4  
June 21st, 2006, 11:59 PM
AbbyHannahsMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,497
So are you just wanting to hear from the people who think it's not right for teens to be mommies? I'll answer anyway... Since I was a teen parent. I personally don't think it's the most ideal thing to happen.. I can say this because I was a teen mom. Of course if it happens it happens .. and you try your best to do the best job you can do with what you got. It was extremely hard being a teen parent.. to finish school.. and to hold down a job. I did luck out and had support from the father which is now my husband of 4 years today and we made things work. Unless you are finacially stable.. and have a plan for the future I would hope a teen wouldnt be trying to get pregnant. I really wish teens would finish school and plan for the future a little before becoming parents.. but I know it doesnt always turn out that way. Yes, I believe a lot of teens are good parents... but on the other hand its a huge struggle to make ends meet. I know of so many kids that have become parents and can't get themselves out of government assistance... don't jump on me for saying this.. but it's true. This is because a lot of them don't finish school and don't have a plan for the future. I know how extremely hard it is because my husband and I were on financial assistance for a couple years. I worked my *ss off to make it through High School and college to make a better life for our family. So in summary.. no I don't think being a teen parent is an ideal situation.. but it happens. When it does happen.. you either sink or swim.

Josie
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  #5  
June 22nd, 2006, 12:21 AM
cyutegurl
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Posts: n/a
Thank you for ur statement

I have also lucked out and my wonderful fiance loves me and our daughter dearly! And we are truly happy, I have finished highschool this year and Im going to nursing school ,my fiance is a Resident Care Attendant. we bought or own condo and car, and we have everything we need.
So there Im for show how a teen mom can make things right. Even if there are single moms, I know its harder not having a partner, but you can get through it, just believe in urself, and u can do anything!
  #6  
June 22nd, 2006, 12:25 AM
AbbyHannahsMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,497
It's good to hear that you could do all that! I know how difficult it is and it takes guts to get it all done believe me I know. You sound like a good mom trying to do the best for your family.
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  #8  
June 22nd, 2006, 04:44 AM
syncere
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I think it varies on the situation.. If the person is 16 years old lives at home with mommy and daddy has no job, no means to take care of an infant other than mooching from the parents then NO I dont think teens should have children definitely NOT PLANNED children.. I know things happen and thats fine.. But the day when you get that positive pregnancy test better believe you should be jumping up, getting a job putting away some money to prepare for that baby.. Taking steps to prepare for the life changing event that is coming up fast.. Not all teens that get pregnant do so on accident believe me my cousin was one of the ones who purposely got pregnant.. Know who raised her daughter? Her father.. She was too worried about going out, partying etc when she should have been working atleast part time and raising her daughter herself.. If she was grown enough to lay down and get pregnant.. she should have been grown enough to act like a adult.. Btw she proceeded to have 2 more children and quite a few abortions.. Know who raises her children to this day? Her father.. why you ask? Because if he didnt take them in they would have went to foster care and he would have lost contact with his grandchildren.. She is around 23 today and I think her getting pregnant at 16 is what made her turn out the way she did.. She wasnt ready.. And MOST teens arent.. Im not saying there arent very RESPONSIBLE teenagers because I was one growing up.. Ive worked every since I was 15 years old and I never had a baby that young.. That was my choice..

BTW
Quote:
And we are VERY GOOD MOTHERS, just as good or better as u older mothers.[/b]
this comment lol was very humorous.. Not all teens are good mothers see my cousins example.. She had her daughter at 16 and was a HORRIBLE mother.. so for you to say "just as good or better" is a crock of ####..
Your age honestly has no bearing on being a good mother or not it varies with every person.. Some teens are very mature for their age and some or not.. Not one person is a better mother younger or older.. Some older women are good mothers and some are not.. So basically dont say "we are just as good if not better than older mothers" because it is very rude. A slap in the face to older mothers who have a hell of a lot more experience in dealing with children and dealing with life situations than you do.. A person who is 16 years old could very well be a good mother but someone who is 30 and has a child has lived and experienced things that a teen might be giving up by having a child that early.. So please dont assume that you are a better mother than someone older.

I honestly dont know what you are wanting to get from this thread.. Other teen mothers will say its fine for other teens to have children.. Some of the older mothers will tell you it isnt smart.. So you will get both sides of the spectrum here.. You will side with your situation so what is the point?

Let me recap my opinion here.. Its fine as long as you can support the child on your own with little to no help from mommy and daddy if you get pregnant live at home dont work and let mommy and daddy pay for everything while you play house for a few hours then go out and do things you shouldnt be doing while mommy and daddy babysit your child then HE|| NO teens dont need to have children.. If the teen is purposely trying to get pregnant HE|| NO its not alright.. If you already have one child as a teen and plan another let me BOLD THIS ONE HE|| FN NO its not alright especially if you are still living at home with your parents and dont work..

Quote:
so dont look down on us we are all equal[/b]
Sure all mothers are all equal but, the bad apples who are teen mothers are what makes people question that.. Its a general opinion and there are exceptions to everything
  #9  
June 22nd, 2006, 04:51 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,496
Every child deserves a home where they are safe and loved. This also includes future safety, as children are not a "here and now" entity. They deserve to be guarenteed a good education, appropriate childcare when mom or dad aren't there, an environment free from danger, a safety net in case they lose a parent, appropriate food and clothing now and until they are no longer children, an environment free from constant arguments between caregivers (whether it be about money or what), a CONSTANT male and female (mother and father are best option) figure, adequate medical care (insurance), and an environment free from persistant worry and problems.

If you meet the above, I usually do not judge.
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taking jm breaks if you don't see me around much
  #10  
June 22nd, 2006, 05:26 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 5,120
I think the problem we have with the teen mom debates is that they never turn out to be debates. People end up just telling their personal stories and get really huffy when some of the older moms state their opinions...if you really want a real debate I would say don't start it off by telling your story and don't be offended when people say that teens make bad mothers, you need to be married, etc...Believe me, people will! You have to try your best to not take it personally.
Oh, and saying shove it up your butt or screw that when people make arguments isn't a good idea either (I'm not saying you did, but a couple girls in the other debate did) It makes you look immature and the older moms go "I told you teens couldn't be mature". Believe me, I sympathize, alot of people here really offend me. But I also realize it is a debate so I try not to let it bother me.
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Those who love me know how to reach me...it's been real ladies, peace and love!!
  #12  
June 22nd, 2006, 06:07 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,780
Are we debating whether or not the age of majority should be lower?

Such as voting age, marriage age, etc?
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  #13  
June 22nd, 2006, 06:09 AM
lea27's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 104
Quote:
For people who dont know what the MAIN topic is about :

The topic former to my first debate:

Hi Im Rachael and Im 17 turning 18 in August.
I had my dear daughter May22nd,05 and I was 16.
Do you think its not right for teens to have babies? And how come?

And I have rant to make......
sometimes I would like to go to the love & sex forum....but it says only 18 and over, which is a slap in the face.
I am a mother whos under 18, who might wanna talk about different things thats going on with me in there.

Or on other websites about pregnancy its says must be 18 and over to join, which breaks my heart!

I wanted to go to a baby and me swim class, but it also said 18 and over.[/b]
18 is when you legally become an adult children or not. Before then you're a minor, and the people who run the board don't want minors using certain boards. It makes sense to me.
  #14  
June 22nd, 2006, 06:10 AM
syncere
Guest
Posts: n/a
who knows I think the point of this thread again is to get validation that teens should be allowed to have children and why although I think its a pointless post since its already been done once I didnt get to post there so I did it here lol
  #15  
June 22nd, 2006, 07:24 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,496
I read this, the other, and the spinoff thread in teen mommies....and I just want to point out that its not just the "old" people who have opinions on this subject. I bet if we had a bunch of neutral teens (that is, randomly selected and not drawn to a parenting board due to being parents) you'd be hearing a lot of the same things.
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taking jm breaks if you don't see me around much
  #16  
June 22nd, 2006, 08:29 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Pluto
Posts: 1,257
So bad teen moms are bad apples. This must make anyone who is not a teen and a mom, a bad one, a bad orange.

There are bad parents all over the place. But because there is one bad teen, doesn't make the rest of them bad.

If a 35 year old woman hit her kids, she's a bad mom. But it doesn't make the rest of the 35 year old moms bad parents.

It depends on the person. People shouldn't label teen parents as bad parents. A bad parent is a bad parent, regardless of their age.
  #17  
June 22nd, 2006, 08:54 AM
Tanya G's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Quebec
Posts: 3,929
yup, your right. Teen mothers are more harshly judged. Its ok for me as an adult to ask mommy and daddy to babysit so I can go out to the bar(although I have never done this) but if a teen is to do it, we say she shouldnt be out doing these things. Its a complete double standard. And yet it IS because we all know a teen mom who was not responsible, didnt raise her own child, because she was out partying all the time.

I know you feel attacked, but you are not going to have an accurate representation of teen moms on this site. The teen moms on this msg board are a skewed sample in themselves, because the teen moms who ARE out there partying too much and not taking care of their kids prolly dont give two cents about going on a msg board to talk to other moms, they arent here.

Honestly though, who said teen moms are bad parents?? I dont feel teen moms are bad parents. I simply think its not an easy situation, and therefore I hate to see teens actually trying to get pregnant. Its one thing when it happens and you do the mature responsible thing and do the best you can, but its another when a dreamy teen actively sets out to get pregnant, and then gets the shock of her life once the baby is born.
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  #18  
June 22nd, 2006, 09:15 AM
irishxrose
Guest
Posts: n/a
Quote:
I think the problem we have with the teen mom debates is that they never turn out to be debates. People end up just telling their personal stories and get really huffy when some of the older moms state their opinions...if you really want a real debate I would say don't start it off by telling your story and don't be offended when people say that teens make bad mothers, you need to be married, etc...Believe me, people will! You have to try your best to not take it personally.
Oh, and saying shove it up your butt or screw that when people make arguments isn't a good idea either (I'm not saying you did, but a couple girls in the other debate did) It makes you look immature and the older moms go "I told you teens couldn't be mature". Believe me, I sympathize, alot of people here really offend me. But I also realize it is a debate so I try not to let it bother me.[/b]
Am I going to continue being attacked for my statement saying for calicocat to kiss it? I NEVER told her to shove it up her butt, so I don't know why you all keep bringing it up! I said that it wasn't the best thing to say, but nobody appears to have read that.

Yes, I look immature for getting emotional. There are several older women on here who do the exact same thing, and hardly ever get attacked, but when anybody younger than the age of 20 does it, we get attacked because we're "immature" and we are teenagers. Nice double standard.

You (general you; Blondie, I respect you very much, please don't think I'm directing this post at you! Just trying to get a point across!) don't know me, you don't know the things I've gone through in my life, so how can you assume that I am immature just because I made ONE emotional post? I don't know everything, and I don't claim to know everything. Everyone makes mistakes, yet I am continually being attacked indirectly and it really bugs me!

Now I am stepping out of this debate because it's starting to get ridiculous.
  #19  
June 22nd, 2006, 09:18 AM
syncere
Guest
Posts: n/a
The whole point of this post was do you think its right for teens to have babies and why.. Not are they bad parents. I know there are some teens who are GOOD mothers and some who are bad.. Same with older adults. Age really should have no bearing Id say the same to someone who was 30 living at home with mommy and daddy mooching from them while she goes out partying but, this thread is infact about "teens" not older adults. And NO it isnt the same thing if a adult says I am going to have a night out could you watch my children and go to a bar verses when a teen wants to go out to do things they arent "legally" allowed to be doing. If they were going to a movie or something like that it is fine or hanging out with friends occassionally. But if you as a teen are going out to a party drinking etc no way is that in the same ballpark and NO you shouldnt be doing those things.
  #20  
June 22nd, 2006, 09:39 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Pluto
Posts: 1,257
Quote:
yup, your right. Teen mothers are more harshly judged. Its ok for me as an adult to ask mommy and daddy to babysit so I can go out to the bar(although I have never done this) but if a teen is to do it, we say she shouldnt be out doing these things. Its a complete double standard. And yet it IS because we all know a teen mom who was not responsible, didnt raise her own child, because she was out partying all the time.

I know you feel attacked, but you are not going to have an accurate representation of teen moms on this site. The teen moms on this msg board are a skewed sample in themselves, because the teen moms who ARE out there partying too much and not taking care of their kids prolly dont give two cents about going on a msg board to talk to other moms, they arent here.

Honestly though, who said teen moms are bad parents?? I dont feel teen moms are bad parents. I simply think its not an easy situation, and therefore I hate to see teens actually trying to get pregnant. Its one thing when it happens and you do the mature responsible thing and do the best you can, but its another when a dreamy teen actively sets out to get pregnant, and then gets the shock of her life once the baby is born.[/b]

I think any person who has to go out to the bar to get wasted and have fun is immature.
Same goes to those parents who still drink all of the time and smoke pot. They're not here, they don't give two cents either. Now we're not talking about teens. We're talking about a label: The Party Parents. These are the parents who failed because they did something they were not ready for yet and to get away from it all they become low lifes. They drink, they smoke, they hang out. It's not just teens. It's everyone who thinks they made a mistake but didn't think about adoption or abortion (if they can handle that).

Being a teen parent isn't easy at all. Being a parent, is not easy. It's a "job" you have 365 days a year, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It's always there. You no longer can think for yourself. You think about your kids, their health and their safety way before you think of your own.

We're not talking about teen parenting at all. We're talking about the people who simply SUCK at being a parent.

Your age does not make you a parent. Your experience with other kids does not make you a parent. The moment you have that child makes you a parent. You either suck at it, don't care, want to party all of the time or you're great at it, you're with your child(ren) all of the time, teaching them to become a good person, making their life a little better than yours.

It's like the wizard of oz. the good witch and the bad witch. the good witch makes the best of her life and those around her, the bad witch fails herself and her little monkeys.


Quote:
Its one thing when it happens and you do the mature responsible thing and do the best you can, but its another when a dreamy teen actively sets out to get pregnant, and then gets the shock of her life once the baby is born.[/b]
A 25-40 year old can have the shock of her life when that child is born too. Ever hear of an "adult" who doesn't know how to change a diaper or make a bottle? It's pretty much shocking for anyone ;-)

Quote:
The whole point of this post was do you think its right for teens to have babies and why..[/b]
My opinion, as a teen parent, I would not go around and tell my other teen friends to have a child. Being a parent is a lot of work. I know when you're young you have goals set and to be made by certain points in your life. When I became pregnant, my first goal was to get a job. After I dropped out of a normal High School, my goal was to finish with at least my GED. I have accomplished both of those things and beyond.

As fun as being a parent is, I honestly say it's not for a young teen (or even a 35 year old sometimes). You should at least have your first job, go to school, hang out with your friends, get your first car, go to Prom and have that summer off before you start college.

Considering I am already a teen mom and married, I wouldn't change it for the world. I don't miss the things I "missed" at all. But none of my friends have to know that. I've gone to school, had my first car, I still hang out with my friends (daughter is always included, which is why I have few friends, but those I have are true friends) and I had my "Prom" ( you get the picture).

Being a parent is not cut out for everyone. It's the choice you make and if you make it, you better live up to it. If you don't, you make me want to take your kid in for my own. And I probably would.
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