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  #1  
June 28th, 2006, 09:12 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Overland Park, Kansas
Posts: 717
Why is it that when someone gets pregnant and they say "I'm going to try unmedicated" that other women (not all, but a LOT) automatically say "Oh, yea right...you don't know what kind of pain it's going to be like. You are going to be screaing for that epidural"
I am? Really? You know me THAT well? You know what I can and can't handle? Why do women look at you like you are stupid when you say you want to go unmedicated? Maybe this is directed towards first time mothers...like me.

I want to go umedicated.
Response: You don't know what it's going to feel like. You will probably want the epidural. This is your first kid you can't handle it, you don't know what it's going to be like. Don't say you aren't getting meds, say you are going to "try" without meds.

I want a vaginal, I really want to avoid a csection.
Response: Oh, but you know with everything that goes wrong it's possible you'll have a csection right? You won't DENY one right? I mean what if you NEED one?

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY is everyone so quick to jump the gun on telling me how "screwed up" my birth can go??? I'm not an idiot, I know it's going to hurt, I know it's going to be hard work, I knowthere is a possiblity of something going wrong and me needing a csecition, but it's NOT likely. Why can't ppl just support women and their decisions?????????

Analogy: I'm going to the gas station real quick.
My response: Oh *smile* not unless you get in a car wreck before hand!! You know there is that possibilty ya know?

DUH. Of COURSE I know I could have issues during pregnancy...but WHY is there always this need to bring up all the bad negative stuff when someone says they are pregnant?? I don't tell you of the "possible dangers" every time you step out of your house or car or subway or w/e...

lol, my thoughts are so scatter brained on this because it makes me mad lol....so sorry if this is hard to understand!!!!

But why is there this need to always discourage other women of what they want?!?!?!?
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  #2  
June 28th, 2006, 09:17 AM
mrobinson
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Posts: n/a
Quote:
Why is it that when someone gets pregnant and they say "I'm going to try unmedicated" that other women (not all, but a LOT) automatically say "Oh, yea right...you don't know what kind of pain it's going to be like. You are going to be screaing for that epidural"
I am? Really? You know me THAT well? You know what I can and can't handle? Why do women look at you like you are stupid when you say you want to go unmedicated? Maybe this is directed towards first time mothers...like me.

I want to go umedicated.
Response: You don't know what it's going to feel like. You will probably want the epidural. This is your first kid you can't handle it, you don't know what it's going to be like. Don't say you aren't getting meds, say you are going to "try" without meds.

I want a vaginal, I really want to avoid a csection.
Response: Oh, but you know with everything that goes wrong it's possible you'll have a csection right? You won't DENY one right? I mean what if you NEED one?

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY is everyone so quick to jump the gun on telling me how "screwed up" my birth can go??? I'm not an idiot, I know it's going to hurt, I know it's going to be hard work, I knowthere is a possiblity of something going wrong and me needing a csecition, but it's NOT likely. Why can't ppl just support women and their decisions?????????

Analogy: I'm going to the gas station real quick.
My response: Oh *smile* not unless you get in a car wreck before hand!! You know there is that possibilty ya know?

DUH. Of COURSE I know I could have issues during pregnancy...but WHY is there always this need to bring up all the bad negative stuff when someone says they are pregnant?? I don't tell you of the "possible dangers" every time you step out of your house or car or subway or w/e...

lol, my thoughts are so scatter brained on this because it makes me mad lol....so sorry if this is hard to understand!!!!

But why is there this need to always discourage other women of what they want?!?!?!?[/b]


So true girl!

I think women want to "help" with their good intentions.. they just forget how to!
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  #3  
June 28th, 2006, 09:17 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,496
I know what you mean on this issue. I try to combat the birth horror stories by drowning myself in natural birth books and surrounding myself with people who are positive about natural birth (midwife, doula, etc)..it's good to have those things to turn to when I need to tune out the horror stories or the "watermellon out the hole the size of a lemon" discussions



The thing that gets me the most is when someone learns that I have had one unmedicated birth and then writes it off as "well, you have high pain tolerance." I'm not looking for a pat on the back, but I also don't need to have my accomplishments diminished so that I am looked at as being some kind of elite instead of an average girl who did something unaverage. Comments like this make me feel like it was just "easy for me" kinda thing...
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  #4  
June 28th, 2006, 09:26 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Angelo, Texas
Posts: 3,274
It seriously seems like the moment you find out you're pregnant everyone and their dog is giving you unwanted advice and telling you all their horrific stories. I am also pregnant with my first child, and everyone apparently thinks I'm too stupid to do research on the things that I want and don't want during my pregnancy and during labor/delivery. For example, my SIL had a baby last September. Well she was asking me not that long ago if I was having an epidural to which I replied that I was. Well she immediately went on to say that I didn't need to have one because she's had horrible back problems ever since, etc. I just politely told her that I'm sorry that she had to go through that but I was still getting one and if I had back ache later on I would just have to deal with it. Oh, then my MIL this past weekend was asking me about the diabetes testing. I'm having it done on July 7th and she was like "Well if you have it you can't be eating this and this and this and you're going to have to be on a very strict diet that you're going to hate." I just don't know why everyone thinks they know everything about your body, your baby, and your life. I just want to stick my fingers in my ears lol.
Amanda
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  #5  
June 28th, 2006, 09:30 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Overland Park, Kansas
Posts: 717
LOL I hear what you are saying!!! Stick your finger in your ears and go

" lalalalalalalalalalalalaalalalalalalalal I can't hear you lalalalalalalalalalala"

LOL!!

I just saw this:
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  #6  
June 28th, 2006, 09:33 AM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Sylvania Township, Ohio
Posts: 22,176
Unfortunately that comes with the territory of being pregnant. I am pregnant with my 4th and have people STILL telling me this and that. I just smile at them and just decide to take to heart what I want to. Some advice is something I can use while seems so off the wall that I can't believe someone actually had the nerve to say it to me.
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  #7  
June 28th, 2006, 09:40 AM
**Jenn**'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: NJ
Posts: 11,433
I am so right there with you girl! When I was pregnant with Liam I would tell people I was going to have an unmedicated birth and they all pretty much told me I was crazy for even thinking that way. It's too painful, I don't know what it's going to be like, I'm going to be begging for the epi, etc. Then when I would tell them I was going to do hypnobirthing they thought I was crazier and that it wouldn't work and there was NO WAY I could do it. I just used all their negative comments as motivation! Not only was it something I wanted to do, well now I had something to prove to all the naysayers! And you know what? I did it! Hypnobirthing was wonderful and helped me so much! And you know what's even better? It didn't hurt! I prepared myself, learned all I could learn, read all I could read, relaxed, focused, and it was the best experience of my life! Of course when I tell people of my birth experience they write it off as me getting lucky and having it easy but I know what really happened and all the preparation I did in anticipation of my birth. I know now not to listen to the horror stories. I also learned that no matter what you decide during your pregnancy or for your baby there is always going to be someone giving you a hard time for it--I ran into that with DH's family and me breastfeeding. When you're pregnant or have a baby everyone and their mother seems to think its ok to give unsolicited advice. I just smile and nod and then do what I want!

And yes we all know things can go awry during childbirth and there is no way I would put my child in danger just because I didn't want a c-section but it's also not something I would do unless medically necessary. I had my ideal birth experience but if something happened and it couldn't go that way then I would have done what was necessary. Do people really think you'd put your ideals over the health of your baby? Come on now! Stick to your guns, don't let others discourage you, you can do it!
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  #8  
June 28th, 2006, 09:48 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Overland Park, Kansas
Posts: 717
Oh I'm not discouraged at all!! I just wanted to see if anyone else out there was feeling the frustration!!!
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  #9  
June 28th, 2006, 10:15 AM
CBMS
Guest
Posts: n/a
LoL. I know!

Funniest thing was when I was about to pop, some drunk lady stopped me on the way out of the grocery and said, "oh, you're pregnant." DUH! As I get drunk on her breath...

"It's gonna hurt." As she slurs and sputters and infests me with her rank breath... I'm not sure what she'd been drinking, but it was mixed with a nasty smell of unbrushed teeth...

I was like, "I'll be fine; I've had two unmedicated births, and they weren't all that tough. My body was made to give birth, " and I walk away after having to WEAVE around her... she was trying to make me stay and talk to her.

ugh.

Anyway--the mind (I think) plays a major role in how you end up delivering. I read an article when I was pg with my first about mind over matter birthing, and it was fabulous. I just kept telling myself that "this is not more than I can handle; this is what my body was made for..." and I did it! You can too!!!
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  #10  
June 28th, 2006, 10:43 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,667
What I found amusing was when I went over my due date. People would ask me "Haven't you had that baby yet?" How stupid--do you see I'm still huge?

And I was at the store getting some last minute stuff, and a lady asked me "When's your due date?" "Last Thursday," I replied. A gasp "Well what are you doing out here? You shouldn't be out shopping!" I told her that since the baby was not actually coming out at that moment, I'd probably be all right.

Oh all the "helpful" people in the world seem to find a pregnant woman!
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  #11  
June 28th, 2006, 10:46 AM
~Jess~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Central California
Posts: 16,959
I think it's one of those "war stories" types of things. We like to compare battle wounds. And, I'll admit that I am completely, wholeheatedly jealous of women who have these quick, easy labors (like my sister who was in labor for 3 hours with her first and 1.5 hours with her second-that's counting from the first contraction to when she was holding them in her arms). When I hear about something like that, it makes me want to launch into my horrific labor story. Most times I am able to control myself and just tell those ladies how lucky they are, but inside I just want to scratch their eyes out.

Yup, I planned an unmedicated birth, but ended up with an emergency c-section after 3 hours of pushing-all with no epidural & horrible back labor and yup, I was in labor for literally DAYS. So yeah, my body failed me and I (very unreasonably) feel like it's rubbed in my face that I am a failure when I hear about non-medicated births and what an "amazing experience" vaginal birth is. But that's just me.
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  #12  
June 28th, 2006, 10:54 AM
CBMS
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Tell your sister not to push her luck. LMAO.

My first: almost 9 hours, start to holding my baby girl. No drugs. Laughing and joking with my mom and sisters until it was over. The midwife thought we were all on drugs or something, I'm sure.

My second: one hour and 45 minutes AFTER crossing my legs for about half hour or so because my mom and sister weren't there yet... they walked in and I said, "I'm ready." No drugs. She was born about three minutes later.

My third: I thought I had it licked! Piece of cake? Uh, 24 hours of labor later--NO BABY YET! I had a half dose of nubain at that point... and about four hours later... FINALLY! I still pushed her out in no time, but it took what seemed like an eternity to get to that point...

Good thing that wasn't my first, or I'd have only one child...
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  #13  
June 28th, 2006, 12:30 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,930
Yeah, all these pregnancy questions and comments people make that aren't even thinking. What always bugged me too was people would tell me how to do things, etc. thinking that ummm,... I don't have my own ways of doing things? That I just GOT pregnant and never researched how I want to have my baby, raise my baby? And yes I couldn't stand the whole "Are you still pregnant?" It just gets so old. And tons of people tell you their own story and expect that your birth will be the same. However, I do like to tell first time moms what my labor was LIKE, not assuming theirs will be anything like mine and I don't give them advice on how to raise or have their baby. I have only said how things turned out for me and they can do what they want. I got so sick of people telling me their storys and saying "I bet yours will be just like this and that and you will go this way or that way." RIGHT! People always want to say stupid things.
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  #14  
June 28th, 2006, 01:19 PM
AbbyHannahsMom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,497
you could always make a bet with people and get some money out of it like I did Everyone including my husband told me there was no way I could do it unmedicated. Well finally I got tired of listening to everyone.. and said oh yeah I'll bet ya $100.00. Well my hubby ended up paying up both times This time around he hasnt bet me though
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  #15  
June 28th, 2006, 01:31 PM
glasscandie's Avatar What I make is what I am
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Near Washington, DC
Posts: 15,982
It doesn't stop once you give birth! I've gotten advice on everything under the sun - including what diapers to use, why I shouldn't be BFing, how many times to bath her a week, yada yada yada.
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  #16  
June 28th, 2006, 02:13 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Overland Park, Kansas
Posts: 717
OH NOES!!!!

dern...just love your kids and be happy LOL!!!
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  #17  
June 28th, 2006, 04:14 PM
irishxrose
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Posts: n/a
Quote:
I think it's one of those "war stories" types of things. We like to compare battle wounds. And, I'll admit that I am completely, wholeheatedly jealous of women who have these quick, easy labors (like my sister who was in labor for 3 hours with her first and 1.5 hours with her second-that's counting from the first contraction to when she was holding them in her arms). When I hear about something like that, it makes me want to launch into my horrific labor story. Most times I am able to control myself and just tell those ladies how lucky they are, but inside I just want to scratch their eyes out.

Yup, I planned an unmedicated birth, but ended up with an emergency c-section after 3 hours of pushing-all with no epidural & horrible back labor and yup, I was in labor for literally DAYS. So yeah, my body failed me and I (very unreasonably) feel like it's rubbed in my face that I am a failure when I hear about non-medicated births and what an "amazing experience" vaginal birth is. But that's just me.[/b]


I don't mean to launch into my horrific labor story but I'm going to anyway. I had planned to try for a unmedicated. I thought "I am woman, I am strong!". Well... I was in labor 31 hours with back labor. Joshua's head was sideways. I can't explain to you how back labor is... it feels like your back is tearing away from your body. I was literally screaming and shaking with every contraction. I tried doing my breathing exercises... nothing helped. I went for the epidural... It worked. For a grand total of an hour and a half. I pushed for over three hours, and they finally had to cut me. Trust me, I felt every single thing, so in my eyes it is the equivalent of a natural birth. I may have had an epidural but it stopped working, and every time they'd refill it, it didn't do crap. I still felt everything, I could move my legs, etc.

My point is I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you. My birth experience was HORRIBLE. I was like you - oh my labor's not going to be that bad; I can do this... I was wrong. I hope for your sake that you have a wonderful birth and that going naturally doesn't hurt you as much it hurt me... I was not expecting the pain to be as bad as it was.

I am glad that you are so set into a natural birth; but just remember things can go wrong. Honestly, birth is not all it's cracked up to be.

Of course I'm jaded because of my experience... but I really do hope you have the birth you want.
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  #18  
June 28th, 2006, 04:55 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Overland Park, Kansas
Posts: 717
Quote:
I am glad that you are so set into a natural birth; but just remember things can go wrong. Honestly, birth is not all it's cracked up to be.[/b]
NOOO this is exactly what I'm talking about!!! This CONSTANT reminder that your plan could be screwed up!! OF COURSE I know things can change....of COURSE I know I can get in a wreck everytime I get in a car...Of COURSE I know it's "possibly" dangerous to do this or that...but do I go around reminding everyone of all the "bad things that COULD go wrong"????????????

I don't need to be "reminded" by anyone!! Just SUPPORT the woman and say "well hope all goes well"...there is NO NEED to say "but just remember....just in case"...GAH....
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  #19  
June 28th, 2006, 05:15 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: *queen city* of North Carolina
Posts: 9,497
People drive me crazy!

I said from Day one, if I need an epi I'll get one, but I want to aviod one as long as possible. I did end up getting one, b/c I had horrible back labor [and ONLY back labor], and I kept seeing spots, and hot flashes, and all that "fun" type stuff. And it wasn't that bad, but if I didn't get it I probably would have ended up passed out and had a csec. One of my "Friends" said, "told ya you'd need one". Whatever...people are retarded at times.
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  #20  
June 28th, 2006, 05:40 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Overland Park, Kansas
Posts: 717
Quote:
People drive me crazy!

I said from Day one, if I need an epi I'll get one, but I want to aviod one as long as possible. I did end up getting one, b/c I had horrible back labor [and ONLY back labor], and I kept seeing spots, and hot flashes, and all that "fun" type stuff. And it wasn't that bad, but if I didn't get it I probably would have ended up passed out and had a csec. One of my "Friends" said, "told ya you'd need one". Whatever...people are retarded at times.[/b]

Yea because she knew EXACTLY how your birth was going to go...
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