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  #2  
June 30th, 2006, 12:37 PM
chlodoll
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ofcourse its a womans right! its not a mans job to support the whole family. that is putting to much stress on one person if they cant.
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  #3  
June 30th, 2006, 12:39 PM
mrobinson
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Quote:
I think that a woman has a right to have a child. If her husband cant support her then they shouldnt have children? That is a bit unfair wouldnt you say?[/b]
I don't think a girl or boy should have a child if either of them can't support all three. In a finanical aspect, it's not fair to expect one person to have to pay the bills for all three just as it's unfair to expect only one to rear the child. I wish more women could support their families incase of the worst case senerios.

Quote:
I guess what I am really trying to ask is, if you have a child that is in daycare 5 days a week or more should a woman even bother having a child?[/b]
I think daycare is the least of their worries.. other values are more important.
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  #4  
June 30th, 2006, 12:43 PM
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Brody is in daycare 5 days a week...it would be nice if one of us could stay home...either of us. But to ask why did I have a child if this is the case? Offensive. Why should I not get to have the love of my own child just because I have to work. It doesn't mean he gets any less attention from me when I'm home. I work so we don't end up on welfare. I work so he can have the best things (or at least have things even if they aren't the best). I work so he will learn (someday when he understands) to value the importance of hard work. I work to express myself! I work so I'm not just someone's wife, or mother. Part of who I am is what I do. Why should I lose that just because Brody shouldn't have to be in daycare?

So, since I work (and have to to be able to afford my son) I shouldn't have had him to begin with??? I think that's ridiculous!
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  #5  
June 30th, 2006, 12:47 PM
mrobinson
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Quote:
Brody is in daycare 5 days a week...it would be nice if one of us could stay home...either of us. But to ask why did I have a child if this is the case? Offensive. Why should I not get to have the love of my own child just because I have to work. It doesn't mean he gets any less attention from me when I'm home. I work so we don't end up on welfare. I work so he can have the best things (or at least have things even if they aren't the best). I work so he will learn (someday when he understands) to value the importance of hard work. I work to express myself! I work so I'm not just someone's wife, or mother. Part of who I am is what I do. Why should I lose that just because Brody shouldn't have to be in daycare?[/b]


Quote:
So, since I work (and have to to be able to afford my son) I shouldn't have had him to begin with??? I think that's ridiculous![/b]
I know people who don't work yet put their kids in daycare for more than 5 hours a day, five days a week.. (I know that's not the case here.)

I do think more people should think about why they are having kids before they have them which I kinda thought was the reason of the thread.
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  #6  
June 30th, 2006, 12:51 PM
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I really feel that mothers should be in the home if they can help it. I feel that children do better and so do the mothers by being home with their kids the most they can. That said, I don't think that means that a woman shouldn't have kids if she can't stay home. Sometimes it is just not possible and children are a gift and blessing. They should be taken care of and if the mother needs to work to do that, then she should. However, what I do have a problem with is women who have a child and without there being a need, that child is in daycare from day one and never gets time with it's mother or parents. I love my SIL, but she is an example of this. She had her son and decided to only have him. That's fine, that is her choice. But he has spent his life in daycare, etc. She has said she can not stand to spend an entire day with her son. So she works, non stop it seems. I think if that was her plan, to work over time, send him to daycare and never spend an entire day with him, then she should not have had him. Though I love him and am grateful he is here, she is a terrible example of a good mom. She buys him the best of the best thinking that will make up for all that he does not get- like time. She has to have the best of everything so she works SO MUCH that WE as extended family rarely see her. Last year I saw her once in a year's time and she lives 20 minutes away. However, I saw her son and husband every month at least. Of course it was her decision to have her son and no one can take that decision from her, but she is in no way providing for her son and doesn't seem to really want to.

So while I agree that some mothers have to work, some mothers REALLY don't (I say mothers because women are fine to work, I am talking mothers). Or at least not as much as she does. She is a nurse and could make sufficient money working 2-3 shifts a week instead of working 6-7 days a week like she is. Sometimes, 12 hour days! I feel that most moms shouldn't work if they can help it. This is how I feel, but I don't judge anyone who makes that decision for themselves. They know their situation better than I do.
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  #7  
June 30th, 2006, 12:58 PM
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My opinion on this.....

An "oops" is one thing. People get pregnant by accident, and they deal with the situation as best they can. So if that means they put their baby in daycare because they have to work in order to survive, then so be it.

But, to have a child on purpose with someone that doesn't even make enough money for the new mom to be able to take a few months off and spend time with her new baby, is a bad decision IMO. If someone's husband is not a good provider, maybe that needs to be improved before they start making plans to have children.

If someone is PLANNING to have children, then they should PLAN so they can spend a little bit of time with them.
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  #8  
June 30th, 2006, 01:01 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
Brody is in daycare 5 days a week...it would be nice if one of us could stay home...either of us. But to ask why did I have a child if this is the case? Offensive. Why should I not get to have the love of my own child just because I have to work. It doesn't mean he gets any less attention from me when I'm home. I work so we don't end up on welfare. I work so he can have the best things (or at least have things even if they aren't the best). I work so he will learn (someday when he understands) to value the importance of hard work. I work to express myself! I work so I'm not just someone's wife, or mother. Part of who I am is what I do. Why should I lose that just because Brody shouldn't have to be in daycare?[/b]


Quote:
So, since I work (and have to to be able to afford my son) I shouldn't have had him to begin with??? I think that's ridiculous![/b]
I know people who don't work yet put their kids in daycare for more than 5 hours a day, five days a week.. (I know that's not the case here.)

I do think more people should think about why they are having kids before they have them which I kinda thought was the reason of the thread.
[/b]
I think even if I didn't work I might find a daycare for Brody at least one day a week. He is getting a lot of socialization there. Not something I'm sure I could do by myself at home all day (I know...why would I have to sit at home all day?).

The reason I had a child was because I'm now 33 and have always wanted to be a mother. I wanted a child that I could help shape his future as well as my own.
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  #9  
June 30th, 2006, 01:06 PM
mrobinson
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Quote:
Of course it was her decision to have her son and no one can take that decision from her, but she is in no way providing for her son and doesn't seem to really want to.[/b]
Would you feel the same if the father was working like that and she was home? and why for her and not him?

Quote:
I think even if I didn't work I might find a daycare for Brody at least one day a week. He is getting a lot of socialization there. Not something I'm sure I could do by myself at home all day (I know...why would I have to sit at home all day?).

The reason I had a child was because I'm now 33 and have always wanted to be a mother. I wanted a child that I could help shape his future as well as my own.[/b]
Actually I would put my kids in for the same reason.

You must have a million other reasons to have a child, right?
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  #10  
June 30th, 2006, 01:08 PM
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Quote:
But, to have a child on purpose with someone that doesn't even make enough money for the new mom to be able to take a few months off and spend time with her new baby, is a bad decision IMO. If someone's husband is not a good provider, maybe that needs to be improved before they start making plans to have children.

If someone is PLANNING to have children, then they should PLAN so they can spend a little bit of time with them.[/b]
We planned to have our child. I was able to spend a couple months with him while on leave (however it has left us a little strapped since then). I'm now back at work and catching up on bills. so I guess Im wondering if someone has to work, they should't even consider having children?
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  #11  
June 30th, 2006, 01:11 PM
mrobinson
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Quote:
If someone's husband is not a good provider, maybe that needs to be improved before they start making plans to have children.[/b]
Why do we lay all the responsiblilty on the husband? What if he dies or needs to be taken of? This is why we have single moms on welfare raising kids. Women should be able to do this without dh. They should have their skills up to date so that if they had to enter the work force they could.

Quote:
I guess Im wondering if someone has to work, they should't even consider having children?[/b]
..to lay the guilt the trip that this society expects nothing less than a mom to stay at home and keep the marriage together.. Apparently Dh has no part in that.
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  #12  
June 30th, 2006, 01:16 PM
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Quote:

The reason I had a child was because I'm now 33 and have always wanted to be a mother. I wanted a child that I could help shape his future as well as my own.
Actually I would put my kids in for the same reason.

You must have a million other reasons to have a child, right?
[/quote]
Of course, but how do you list them all? Some seem shallow . Like wanting to see myself in another person. I'm adopted so didn't have that with my own parents. Also, because I'm adopted, I wanted to physically have my own flesh and blood child. Again, this seems shallow. I wanted to be that all important someone in another person's life. I wanted to know how it felt to console a crying child and have him snuggle against me to calm himself. I wanted to know how it felt to look down on a peacefully sleeping child and know he relied on me for everything. I wanted to know how it would feel to see him smile at "mommy" for the first time because I did something to warrant it. I want to know how it will feel to help my son take his first steps, to drive a car for the first time, to help him be a gentleman to his first date!

I'm sure there are more...but I'm crying, so gonna stop.

Quote:
Quote:
If someone's husband is not a good provider, maybe that needs to be improved before they start making plans to have children.
Why do we lay all the responsiblilty on the husband? What if he dies or needs to be taken of? This is why we have single moms on welfare raising kids. Women should be able to do this without dh. They should have their skills up to date so that if they had to enter the work force they could.

Quote:
I guess Im wondering if someone has to work, they should't even consider having children?
..to lay the guilt the trip that this society expects nothing less than a mom to stay at home and keep the marriage together.. Apparently Dh has no part in that.
I am our breadwinner. Dh and I actually entertained the idea of him quitting his job so he could stay home with Brody. Right now its not feasible. We need his income to catch up.
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  #13  
June 30th, 2006, 01:18 PM
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There is some degree of planning involved when people decide to start TTC. We are not talking about "oops" babies, that is a whole different scenario.

If a couple makes a conscious choice to start TTC, then that implies that they have a PLAN for: how to handle their money, how much time off they are going to take, etc. It means that they are READY. If they're not ready (financially, or they don't have the time, or whatever) then they have the option of waiting.

And many people choose not to have children, because they care more about their career and they recognize that. If the thing that makes you happiest in life is working 100 hours a week, then having children doesn't make sense.
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  #14  
June 30th, 2006, 01:21 PM
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Not everybody has the luxury of being able to be a stay at home parent. It doesn't make them lesser parents, or that their children will just lack behind children whose mother or father stay at home. Daycares, provide great socialization, among other benifits [i've seen it first hand, working at one]. Daycares aren't evil, and the parents whose kids go to daycare, arn't evil either. I'm glad i'm able to stay home for awhile, but I will need to, at least PT, if we ever want to be out of debt, so that down the road, we can afford to save money for larger expenses such as college, car, etc.
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  #15  
June 30th, 2006, 01:28 PM
mrobinson
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Quote:
If a couple makes a conscious choice to start TTC, then that implies that they have a PLAN for: how to handle their money, how much time off they are going to take, etc. It means that they are READY. If they're not ready (financially, or they don't have the time, or whatever) then they have the option of waiting.[/b]
that's it though.. People make the conscious choice to TTC all the time without having plans. It drive me insane.
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  #16  
June 30th, 2006, 01:32 PM
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Quote:
Quote:
If a couple makes a conscious choice to start TTC, then that implies that they have a PLAN for: how to handle their money, how much time off they are going to take, etc. It means that they are READY. If they're not ready (financially, or they don't have the time, or whatever) then they have the option of waiting.[/b]
that's it though.. People make the conscious choice to TTC all the time without having plans. It drive me insane.
[/b]
We started TTCing without a full out plan. It doesn't mean we didn't consider everything. We don't have a lot of money and it's REALLY tight right now. At least until we get caught up from my not being paid for 2 and a half months. We did think about if he'd be in daycare and if we'd have to cut things out that we normally do. We don't eat out as much, I don't shop as much (boohoo).

Hmm, I guess that's kinda like planning though huh? Never mind then, we planned!
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  #17  
June 30th, 2006, 01:33 PM
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Quote:
So, since I work (and have to to be able to afford my son) I shouldn't have had him to begin with??? I think that's ridiculous![/b]
I think that when 2 parents HAVE to work to support themselves and any future children, it is unfair to say that they should never have children. Who are we to take that experience away from them?

BUT, if it is financially feasible, parents should raise their own children. I think that if you
(general you, not directed toward anyone in particular) can afford to have a SAH parent (mother or father-doesn't matter which), but CHOOSE to put your child in daycare because "you just don't like being home" or "can't handle the kids all day," or some other reason like that, then maybe you should consider not having children.

I truly believe that when women started working outside the home and putting their kids in daycare, that is when our society started to go downhill. Values stopped being instilled in our children and consistent discipline all but disappeared.

I do not think there is anything wrong with putting your child in daycare 1 day a week or enrolling the kids in a moms-day-out program. Every mom needs a break sometimes and it is good for the socialization of the children.
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  #18  
June 30th, 2006, 01:38 PM
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Quote:
BUT, if it is financially feasible, parents should raise their own children. I think that if you
(general you, not directed toward anyone in particular) can afford to have a SAH parent (mother or father-doesn't matter which), but CHOOSE to put your child in daycare because "you just don't like being home" or "can't handle the kids all day," or some other reason like that, then maybe you should consider not having children.[/b]
What if it's not financially feasible (at least right now) to have one or the other parent stay home? I am still "raising" my own children even though they are in daycare. Meaning, I am not on any kind of government aid. And I wouldn't put a child in daycare just so I could work. And I wouldn't work just so I could afford daycare. I think if the money you spend on daycare each month equals what you bring home in a paycheck, you might as well stay home.
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  #19  
June 30th, 2006, 01:44 PM
~Jess~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Quote:
BUT, if it is financially feasible, parents should raise their own children. I think that if you
(general you, not directed toward anyone in particular) can afford to have a SAH parent (mother or father-doesn't matter which), but CHOOSE to put your child in daycare because "you just don't like being home" or "can't handle the kids all day," or some other reason like that, then maybe you should consider not having children.[/b]
What if it's not financially feasible (at least right now) to have one or the other parent stay home? I am still "raising" my own children even though they are in daycare. Meaning, I am not on any kind of government aid. And I wouldn't put a child in daycare just so I could work. And I wouldn't work just so I could afford daycare. I think if the money you spend on daycare each month equals what you bring home in a paycheck, you might as well stay home.
[/b]
If you read my full post, you'd see that I put this is the very first line:


Quote:
I think that when 2 parents HAVE to work to support themselves and any future children, it is unfair to say that they should never have children. Who are we to take that experience away from them?[/b]
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  #20  
June 30th, 2006, 01:50 PM
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But why not? I mean why can't I have both? A career and children? If children of Mom's who HAVE to work turn out okay then children of mom's who CHOOSE to work will turn out okay. Here in Canada we get a year if paid mat leave (you collect EI) I'm not taking the whole year because of financial reasons (pay is less than a third my salary and this was an "oops" so I wasn't prepared financially). But honestly, even if I could afford to be a SAHM I don't think I would. I put a lot of years into school, a lot of hard work and over coming many many obstacles. Just because my career is something I want to continue doesn't mean I'm not going to be a fabulous mom. There are bad career moms and there are bad SAHMs. Just like here are great CMs and great SAHMs.
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