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Is it ok to be with a man who's ex is pregnant?


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  #1  
July 1st, 2006, 01:40 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 5,120
Ok, well I don't know about you all but I'm getting a little sick and tired of discussing and dissecting the antics of Ms. Spears, but that debate brought up a question in my mind. Is it ever, under any circumstances, ok for a woman to get involved with a man who has a baby on the way? What if the man and the mother of his child have already broken up? I personally think it's for the most part a big giant NO, because regardless of the state of his relationship it is disrespectful to the mother of his child to be involved with someone else. The only exception I can find is when the mother of the baby chose to end the relationship, and is fine with the relationship her ex has with the other woman.
And, on a related topic, what about the mother? If she is broken up with the father of her child, is it ok for her to start a relationship with someone else? I think this is only ok if the father of the baby refuses to take responsibility and has left her, in which case why should the woman be deprived of love and support during her pregnancy?
Discuss....
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  #2  
July 1st, 2006, 01:46 PM
chlodoll
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I think if the relationship is over and done FOR SURE then I guess it is all fair game. I wouldnt personally get involved but I guess sometimes you cant help who you fall in love with.

With the pregnant woman dating other men thats upto her. I personally find something odd about a man dating a pregnant woman. Like maybe there are ulterior motives involved.
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  #3  
July 1st, 2006, 01:49 PM
Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
With the pregnant woman dating other men thats upto her. I personally find something odd about a man dating a pregnant woman. Like maybe there are ulterior motives involved.[/b]
Just out of curiosity what kind of ulterior motives?
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  #4  
July 1st, 2006, 01:51 PM
chlodoll
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Quote:
Quote:


With the pregnant woman dating other men thats upto her. I personally find something odd about a man dating a pregnant woman. Like maybe there are ulterior motives involved.[/b]
Just out of curiosity what kind of ulterior motives?
[/b]
Well on any show I watch about child molestors and pedophiles they say that they befriend the family first, gain their trust. It may take years before they start molesting the children becuase they need to develop a bond first. I am not saying every man who dates a pregnant woman has this motive though, I guess its just my male paranoia kicking in!
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  #5  
July 1st, 2006, 02:23 PM
mrobinson
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Quote:
Is it ever, under any circumstances, ok for a woman to get involved with a man who has a baby on the way?[/b]
It depends.. If their relationship is over and the new women is ok with her being second fiddle to the man's new baby, and priorities to the pregnant mother then why not?

Quote:
What if the man and the mother of his child have already broken up?[/b]
Why not? I just hope his at least involved in the basics of support to the mother of the child and when the baby gets here, he is involved with the child.

Quote:
And, on a related topic, what about the mother? If she is broken up with the father of her child, is it ok for her to start a relationship with someone else?[/b]
Same senerio as the dude.


The baby is made and is going to be here. No matter what age, this broken up pair are parents to the same child. Any other relationship has to be second fiddle.
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  #6  
July 1st, 2006, 03:06 PM
~Jess~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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As long as the couple are completely broken up BEFORE another relationship is started, I see no problem with it for the mother or father. In the case of Brit tho, weren't Kevin and Shar still together when they started dating? That is a HUGE no-no.
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  #8  
July 1st, 2006, 04:44 PM
Cereal Killer's Avatar Aiming for mediocrity
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If the relationship is over then I don't see why there should be any limitations placed on either party moving on. Pregnant or not, it is hard when an ex moves on, especially if it is before you do. I, personally, don't feel that it is any business of an ex who or when his/her former gf/bf decides to date, the relationship is over you no longer have to answer to that person. The only thing that should matter is that the father is an active participant in his child's life, and his personal life should have no bearing on that (unless a court deems the situation an unfit environment for children).

I really hate to hear of women who want to use their children (whether unborn or existing) as pawns or trump cards to make a point with their ex. I have heard of women who refused to allow the father's to see their children out of vengeance and spite, I think it is sad, and the only true victims in these scenarios are the children.

Quote:
If she is broken up with the father of her child, is it ok for her to start a relationship with someone else? I think this is only ok if the father of the baby refuses to take responsibility and has left her, in which case why should the woman be deprived of love and support during her pregnancy?[/b]
Why is there a double standard? If the relationship is over, then it is over and both parties should be allowed to move on. If the father wishes to have no part in raising the child or if he wishes to be involved in every possible aspect, his dating status should not affect this. There is no right time to break up, and I know (from experience) how much more it hurts when you are pregnant. But I think it is better for all parties involved (including the child) that the mother and father move on and start healing so they are better equipped to co-parent without dragging out the hurt and affecting the child in the process.

The most important thing is the baby, and that should be the focus.
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  #9  
July 1st, 2006, 06:02 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I really don't know. I guess it's as long as they are broken up, then it is fine. But the mother or fathers new person has to know their boundaries!
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  #10  
July 1st, 2006, 06:10 PM
irishxrose
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If they are broken up.. I guess it's okay. I think I would more have a problem if guy or girl starting dating another person when they are with someone else and expecting a child.

I have experience with this topic... because of my fiance. His real dad isn't even in the picture. His dad now (who he considers his real dad) got with his mom when she was pregnant, and his name is in the birth certificate - not his biological dad. Jason's dad is such a wonderful father and grandfather... and he in absolutely no way had ulterior motives. He has raised Jason since he was born, and when Jason got kicked out of his mom's house when he was younger, his dad took him in, and helped pay for his bills until he could get back on his feet. Jason's dad is taking care of a son that isn't even his biologically... but he considers Jason to be his own and that is all that matters. So sometimes this type of situation does work out... my fiance and his dad are living breathing examples.
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  #11  
July 1st, 2006, 06:15 PM
nette's Avatar Super Mommy
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I'm sure its kinda stupid but unless the guy is a 'bad' guy I think they should both wait till the child is born. Pregnancy is such a hormonal roller coaster that and when you child is born you guys kinda forgive each other for the up and down nine months. I don't think if you are having a good relationship you should toss it to the dogs due to be overly hormonal during pregnancy.

It needs to be very over before you throw away the family you were going to have together. So unless this is something they have been debating for awile or their partner completly fails them I feel they should wait it out and be supportive till things can be less hormonal and stressful.

At mininum I think they shouldn't go jumping into something else.
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  #12  
July 1st, 2006, 06:32 PM
duality's Avatar Miss Mama
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Arizona
Posts: 4,158
Quote:
If they are broken up.. I guess it's okay. I think I would more have a problem if guy or girl starting dating another person when they are with someone else and expecting a child.

I have experience with this topic... because of my fiance. His real dad isn't even in the picture. His dad now (who he considers his real dad) got with his mom when she was pregnant, and his name is in the birth certificate - not his biological dad. Jason's dad is such a wonderful father and grandfather... and he in absolutely no way had ulterior motives. He has raised Jason since he was born, and when Jason got kicked out of his mom's house when he was younger, his dad took him in, and helped pay for his bills until he could get back on his feet. Jason's dad is taking care of a son that isn't even his biologically... but he considers Jason to be his own and that is all that matters. So sometimes this type of situation does work out... my fiance and his dad are living breathing examples.[/b]
My boyfriend, for example, isn't Ayden's biological father. Her biological father decided when I was 2 months pregnant that he'd rather not grow up and that his alcohol problem was far more important than my pregnancy. I left him, and got a job. I met Brandon, my now boyfriend, at said job when I was 3 months pregnant. We started talking when I was 4 months pregnant and started dating when I was 5 months pregnant. Does he have an alterior motive? No. It takes a lot for a 19 year old male to want to be with a girl that is pregnant with a child that isn't his. His only motive was to be there for me. He went to doctor's appointments with me, he went to an ultrasound with me, he was my support, he was there when I had her, and he is absolutely wonderful with her. As far as I'm concerned, he is her father. He may not have made her but sperm is not the only thing that constitutes you as a father.

A lot of people think it's wrong that I started dating while I was pregnant. I'm sure Robert has already ran through quite a few different females, and do I care? No. I don't. If the relationship is over, I don't see why the mother-to-be and the father-to-be can't move on.
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  #14  
July 1st, 2006, 11:20 PM
kadydid
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For anyone else, they can do what they like. For me if I was dating someone and found out the ex was preggo, I would say see ya later, for myself, and my own sanity. After someone has already had kids and are used to the whole baby thing that is one thing but there is generally a lot of crazyness when a baby is born and I just wouldn’t want to deal with it.

But as a rule I would say you can lump them all together. The circumstances could be very different in each relationship. And I don’t think I would consider someone a man stealer for dating a man who has a baby on the way.
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