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Should Arranged Marriages Be Banned?


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  #1  
July 2nd, 2006, 09:47 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Overland Park, Kansas
Posts: 717
I just saw this question somewhere.....I don't think they do these in America...I'm not sure....but just wanted to ask if you thought they were right/wrong or moral/immoral?

I don't like arranged marriage. I would HATE someone telling me who I could or could not be with....what about love?
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  #2  
July 2nd, 2006, 09:58 PM
chlodoll
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Why would the ban arranged marriages?

Arranged marriages work out really well in some cultures. Most of them outlast marriages that were for "love".

And arranged doesnt have to mean their spouse was chosen from birth or something! Usually it means that the parents will invite people over for their daughter/son to meet. The daughter or son has final say. They cant force anyone to marry someone they dont want to.

Quote:
I don't like arranged marriage. I would HATE someone telling me who I could or could not be with....what about love? [/b]
Do you know anyone in an arranged marriage?

My inlaws were and arranged marriage. They have been married for 35 years and the are very much in love.
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  #3  
July 2nd, 2006, 10:17 PM
mrobinson
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I have heard about sucessful arranged marriages.. It sounds like if you're raised that way, they seem to be normal. If we in North America are going to respect religious freedoms, we have to be ok with them even if don't agree with them... I don't believe fundamental Christian women should be submissive to their husbands but I have to respect their religious freedom and choice in it.. There are lots of people who do chose this lifestyle.

That said, my DH keeps asking me when my dad is going to either give him land or a cow for taking me as his wife.
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  #4  
July 2nd, 2006, 10:18 PM
chlodoll
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Quote:
That said, my DH keeps asking me when my dad is going to either give him land or a cow for taking me as his wife. [/b]
In my husbands culture its the husbands family that pays for the wife so you should be asking where your money is at lol
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  #5  
July 2nd, 2006, 10:20 PM
mrobinson
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LOL! Oh I'll be telling him!
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  #6  
July 2nd, 2006, 10:26 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Overland Park, Kansas
Posts: 717
Teeheehee you two are funny LOL!!

Um...honestly... I know nothing of arranged marriage. I just saw it on another debate and thought it might give our ladies something to talk about LOL!!

I do think it could work, as it obviously has many numerous times. I guess I'm talking about the ones where they are forced to marry each other when they don't like each other and are in fact in love with someone else.....Or is that just in the movies?? LOL!!!
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  #7  
July 2nd, 2006, 10:28 PM
chlodoll
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I think thats just in the movies lol

I think maybe in some Indian cultures it is more strict, but in most there would be a number of suitors that the parents would choose and the woman/man would pick. Then they become engaged and that when they get to date lol Its kind of a backwards way to do it but it seems to work for many people!
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  #8  
July 2nd, 2006, 10:32 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Overland Park, Kansas
Posts: 717
Darn...and I thought this was a good topic too!!! LOL!!!
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  #9  
July 2nd, 2006, 10:33 PM
Jinxcat's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Overthere
Posts: 9,569
Quote:
I have heard about sucessful arranged marriages.. It sounds like if you're raised that way, they seem to be normal. If we in North America are going to respect religious freedoms, we have to be ok with them even if don't agree with them... I don't believe fundamental Christian women should be submissive to their husbands but I have to respect their religious freedom and choice in it.. There are lots of people who do chose this lifestyle.[/b]
Amen, sister! Couldn't have said it better myself. (Why did you get me here? Now I am hooked! )

Quote:
That said, my DH keeps asking me when my dad is going to either give him land or a cow for taking me as his wife. [/b]
Actually, he might be owing YOU that cow!
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  #10  
July 2nd, 2006, 10:35 PM
mrobinson
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Quote:
I think thats just in the movies lol

I think maybe in some Indian cultures it is more strict, but in most there would be a number of suitors that the parents would choose and the woman/man would pick. Then they become engaged and that when they get to date lol Its kind of a backwards way to do it but it seems to work for many people![/b]
I've met a few people who are courting.. It's so funny. The parents meet first. If they like each other, the next "date" is the parents meeting the bride and groom to be... Then the families start hanging out and then the engagement is annouced. It's so weird to me but so normal to them..

Quote:
Quote:
I have heard about sucessful arranged marriages.. It sounds like if you're raised that way, they seem to be normal. If we in North America are going to respect religious freedoms, we have to be ok with them even if don't agree with them... I don't believe fundamental Christian women should be submissive to their husbands but I have to respect their religious freedom and choice in it.. There are lots of people who do chose this lifestyle.[/b]
Amen, sister! Couldn't have said it better myself. (Why did you get me here? Now I am hooked! )

Quote:
That said, my DH keeps asking me when my dad is going to either give him land or a cow for taking me as his wife. [/b]
Actually, he might be owing YOU that cow!
[/b]
This place is so addictive!!!
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  #11  
July 2nd, 2006, 10:35 PM
chlodoll
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Quote:
Darn...and I thought this was a good topic too!!! LOL!!![/b]
I still think its a good topic!

Do you think being absolute love makes a marriage last longer? Or is there something else involved? Do you think that people who are in love sometimes jump to marriage to quickly?
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  #12  
July 2nd, 2006, 10:36 PM
mrobinson
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Quote:
Darn...and I thought this was a good topic too!!! LOL!!![/b]
I think it's an awesome topic.. as westerners need to learn and accept more. It's like women who chose to wear burkas.. some think it's liberating as they don't have to conform to the western sexualization of women.. That's a great point to me!
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  #13  
July 2nd, 2006, 10:37 PM
chlodoll
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Quote:
This place is so addictive!!![/b]
lol Its to true!! I am here way to much
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  #14  
July 2nd, 2006, 10:38 PM
mrobinson
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LOL! (I have to go to bed and .....) see you tomorrow!
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  #15  
July 2nd, 2006, 10:38 PM
chlodoll
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Quote:
I think it's an awesome topic.. as westerners need to learn and accept more. It's like women who chose to wear burkas.. some think it's liberating as they don't have to conform to the western sexualization of women.. That's a great point to me![/b]
I think they are liberating! Aslong as they arent actually forced to wear it.
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  #16  
July 2nd, 2006, 10:39 PM
Jinxcat's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2005
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Quote:
Quote:
This place is so addictive!!![/b]
lol Its to true!! I am here way to much
[/b]

You could be doing something else...like making someone a siggy!
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  #17  
July 3rd, 2006, 06:38 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,667
I personally know two couples who had arranged marriages. They are Indians (people from India--not Native American Indians). Arranged marriages are just part of their culture and even though they are in America, their parents still arranged their marriages. Both families seem very happy and both have been married for over 12 years. America is supposed to be all about freedom of religion, and arranged marriages are part of the religion/culture of some people here. I don't think anyone should be FORCED to marry someone else, but having your marriage voluntarily arranged by the families involved doesn't seem like the worst thing in the world to me.

I do think you need more than love to have a successful marriage--you need to have respect for each other and commonalities in many areas of thinking. I've heard it said that you really need to have the following four issues resolved to the satisfaction of both parties to have a successful marriage--Religion, Parenting, Money and In-Laws. If both partners agree on how to handle these four things, the marriage will most likely succeed.
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  #18  
July 3rd, 2006, 07:18 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Angelo, Texas
Posts: 3,274
At first when I saw the topic info I was like "No, they aren't right" but then after reading what some of you had to say, I think that they are ok. (Not sure if that makes sense lol). Like, arranged marriages are probably nothing out of the norm for them, just like in my beliefs finding your partner is the norm. Also, with arranged marriages at least you know that (for the most part) you will get along with your inlaws, which can really be a big problem for marriages. I don't think that the arranged marriages are the way that they used to where they HAD to marry their parent's choice whether they hated the person or not. I know my grandparents marriage was sort of arranged. He worked for her dad and their parents introduced them and had them go on a date to see if they liked each other and they've been married for 51 years now. (Sorry I know how much everyone on this board hates "personal experiences" but I just thought that I would include that.)
Amanda
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  #19  
July 3rd, 2006, 07:54 AM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Overland Park, Kansas
Posts: 717
Quote:
At first when I saw the topic info I was like "No, they aren't right" but then after reading what some of you had to say, I think that they are ok. (Not sure if that makes sense lol). Like, arranged marriages are probably nothing out of the norm for them, just like in my beliefs finding your partner is the norm. Also, with arranged marriages at least you know that (for the most part) you will get along with your inlaws, which can really be a big problem for marriages. I don't think that the arranged marriages are the way that they used to where they HAD to marry their parent's choice whether they hated the person or not. I know my grandparents marriage was sort of arranged. He worked for her dad and their parents introduced them and had them go on a date to see if they liked each other and they've been married for 51 years now. (Sorry I know how much everyone on this board hates "personal experiences" but I just thought that I would include that.)
Amanda[/b]
LOL!! This is how I thought. I was like "Oh, now way" but I was thinking of the "movie arranged marriages" those apparently only happen in movies!! LOL!! What these ladies are talking about is something that I can completely understand too
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  #20  
July 3rd, 2006, 08:29 AM
Boxerlove1's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,299
Well can SOMEONE arrange a marriage for me, PLEASE! I'm tired of dating and I can't seem to pick anyone worth a flip! (that's the 'Arranged Marriage Fairy' today)

Seriously, I have no problem with arranged marriages. I have known people/families whose culture includes arranged marriages. They work out pretty well - maybe in part b/c both families have both individuals best interests at heart going into it. It seems like it would be a wonderful thing, personally, to have that kind of security.
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