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Do you believe in Marriage?


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View Poll Results: Do you believe in Marriage?
Yes 34 68.00%
No 5 10.00%
Other 11 22.00%
Voters: 50. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
July 10th, 2006, 03:10 PM
mrobinson
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I don't think marriage is the only way two people can love each other but apparently there are people who can't see it any other way. I wish the people who do get married, did more to work within their marriage but it is what it is.



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  #2  
July 10th, 2006, 03:14 PM
Jen25's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Colorado
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I voted other. If you really want to get married, go right ahead. But I dont get what the big deal is..What difference does it make if you have a peice of paper or not? Does that really make your relationship better/stronger? I dont think it does.
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  #3  
July 10th, 2006, 03:26 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,496
For my husband and I, marriage has many meanings and purposes. Relationship wise, it was like a binding of hearts..the culmination of our agreement to live towards the same values and goals together through it all. It was a chance for our families to come together to meet (many live in different countries) and also the fulfillment of family tradition (many catholics). It also aided in our immigration process

Financially, it allows us to save money and better plan our retirement.

It is a symbol to ourselves as well as others that we are eternally committed to eachother.

However, despite our personal preferences on the matter, I do not believe marriage is necessary to fulfill the things we have gotten through it (well, except maybe the tax part )
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  #4  
July 10th, 2006, 03:33 PM
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Posts: 5,120
Well, I actually mean to choose other, but I did "no" by accident. Here are my thoughts.
In theory, marriage is lovely. It's something I have always wanted, and if I meet the right person, I won't rule it out. But I think it's hard to put into practice. The idea that you love someone unconditionally, that is an idea that I think is unrealistic unless it is regarding your children. We may think that the person that we marry is someone we will love unconditionally, but I think there are always conditions to love, it should always be followed by a BUT. "I will love you always BUT if you ever cheat on me don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you" for example. Obviously, when you decide to marry someone, you assume that you know everything about them, and that you will love them forever, but this is often a faulty ideal. The person that you think you know, you may come to find you don't even know at all. After spending every waking moment for over 2 years with the man I was engaged to, I certainly thought I knew everything about him. But then he started beating me up. And then I got a call from his other girlfriend who he had been with for over a year behind my back. That really made me have some doubts in the idea of unconditional love, because I certainly didn't have much love for him after that!
I have seen good marriages though, and I believe that they are possible. My parents are in great marriages, just not with each other. It took my dad 4 college tries to find his soulmate! So I guess, in a nutshell, no I guess I really don't believe in marriage. I believe in love.
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  #5  
July 10th, 2006, 03:33 PM
mrobinson
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Quote:
However, despite our personal preferences on the matter, I do not believe marriage is necessary to fulfill the things we have gotten through it (well, except maybe the tax part )[/b]
I remember talking to LouLoumom about this a long time ago. Why doesn't the US recognize common-in law's the same?
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  #6  
July 10th, 2006, 03:36 PM
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Posts: 3,496
To tell you the truth, I don't really know much about the law in the area of tax/marriage. I know the benefits of filing jointly/ jointly dependent children, but I am not sure about who is eligible for it...I guess I just assumed you had to be married, but maybe that isn't the case?
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  #7  
July 10th, 2006, 04:09 PM
mrobinson
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I agree that the idea of marriage is great in theory.. I think marriage isn't the problem as much as it is the idea of marriage and what it has become.

Marriage is hard work. I think we raise our kids to think it's easy, and most importantly, it's just what you do. I know many people have a strong sense of values of it and some have religious values put in it. I think that's noble. IMHO, we put so much value in it that when it starts going downhill, where we mess up is how we then approach it and it affects our faith and questions our self-worth. If using the services of counsellors wasn't so taboo for some, I think some relatioships could be solved enough to not be so horrible when it ends..

I did vote no because I lack faith in people's approach towards it. Many people can see how putting work into the relationship is the real value and not the paper. It's not cut down those who value the paper, because I think most of those people tie their values into different parts of their soul. I think that people who don't have the paper can also have the same value of their relationship in their soul.
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  #8  
July 10th, 2006, 04:29 PM
Cereal Killer's Avatar Aiming for mediocrity
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I absolutely believe in marriage and everything it represents.
I find it sad and insulting when others refer to marriage as "a piece of paper", my marriage is so much more than my license! It is an expression of our commitment to each other and our family. It doesn't define my relationship with my husband, though it is very meaningful and important.
Marriage is work, but it is something worth working on and something DH and I strive to maintain and improve. I love being married, I love to think about our wedding, I love remembering how Matthew looked at me when I walked down the aisle, and remembering our vows to each other. My marriage is not a piece of paper, it is a commitment in our hearts. It is vows we made to each other in front of our family, our friends and God. It is something that has far greater meaning than the piece of paper it is written on.

It also means that if it doesn't pan out, I get half ...just kidding!
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  #9  
July 10th, 2006, 04:40 PM
Jen25's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 12,443
Quote:
I absolutely believe in marriage and everything it represents.
I find it sad and insulting when others refer to marriage as "a piece of paper", my marriage is so much more than my license! It is an expression of our commitment to each other and our family. It doesn't define my relationship with my husband, though it is very meaningful and important.
Marriage is work, but it is something worth working on and something DH and I strive to maintain and improve. I love being married, I love to think about our wedding, I love remembering how Matthew looked at me when I walked down the aisle, and remembering our vows to each other. My marriage is not a piece of paper, it is a commitment in our hearts. It is vows we made to each other in front of our family, our friends and God. It is something that has far greater meaning than the piece of paper it is written on.

It also means that if it doesn't pan out, I get half ...just kidding![/b]
Oh, I wasnt trying to insult anyone, what Im saying is, why do people put so much into wether a relationship is legal or not. Everything you described can be attained without a marraige license...Thats all I was trying to say. I am married after all So I do beleive it can work, that is why I chose other. I just dont get people who look down on others who live together but arnt married. Some people dont need the validation of a ceremony and the governments ok to have a great, commited realtionship.
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  #10  
July 10th, 2006, 04:41 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,201
Its not that I dont believe in marriage, but you can have all the commitments and acts of marriage without actually being "married". Me and DF have been together a long time and didnt really see the need to go and get married, we are fine the way we are BUT now that things overseas are getting more dangerous and Im just worried if something happend to him, I wouldnt legally have much say in anything, nor would he if something happend to me. I want to make sure in the event of either of our deaths, that our family will be well taken care of. Therefor we are getting married next summer. For the legal perks. Plus I always wanted to get the pretty dress and all LOL
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  #11  
July 10th, 2006, 04:42 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 6,149
Quote:
I absolutely believe in marriage and everything it represents.
I find it sad and insulting when others refer to marriage as "a piece of paper", my marriage is so much more than my license! It is an expression of our commitment to each other and our family. It doesn't define my relationship with my husband, though it is very meaningful and important.
Marriage is work, but it is something worth working on and something DH and I strive to maintain and improve. I love being married, I love to think about our wedding, I love remembering how Matthew looked at me when I walked down the aisle, and remembering our vows to each other. My marriage is not a piece of paper, it is a commitment in our hearts. It is vows we made to each other in front of our family, our friends and God. It is something that has far greater meaning than the piece of paper it is written on.

It also means that if it doesn't pan out, I get half ...just kidding![/b]
Ditto! I don't think that marriage is for everyone...but I do believe in marriage. Its a way to tell the whole world that I found the person I love enough to spend the rest of my life (hopefully) with. My best friend and soulmate if you will. What's wrong with that? I don't think my saying "yes" to believing in marriage is a bad thing (I know, no one said it was). But it's not like believing in marriage is like I'm saying I believe in Santa! I love that when I'm out that people can see my wedding ring and know I'm happy. I know, not everyone is happy in marriage, but that's true of relationships in general a lot too. I will teach my son that marriage isn't easy. I've been divorced, so I know this as FACT!!! There's a lot that goes into it. Love, pride, respect, compromise and many other things. I love being married.
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  #12  
July 10th, 2006, 05:28 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,667
I agree that marriage should not minimized as "just a piece of paper." I think when the parties take the time to actually make the effort to get married (whether it's going to the courthouse, having the preacher come to your house, or having a big 'public' wedding with all the frills) they ARE in fact making a greater commitment than people who don't. Besides there are various legal protections and benefits to being married that you can't always get if you live together 'without benefit of clergy' (as they used to say).

I think the reason that there are so many divorces today (which is one of the biggest arguments given as a reason NOT to get married in the first place) is because marriage has been minimized and is not treated with the seriousness that it used to be. Lots of people get married that shouldn't, or go into marriage with unrealistic expectations. Marriage is not some kind of fantasy world of romance where your partner is supposed to meet your every need. I guess most people don't enter dating or live-together arrangements with these same expectations, so maybe that's why some of these arrangements do last longer than some marriages.

I believe in marriage--I also agree it is a LOT of hard work sometimes, but isn't anything worth having?!
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  #13  
July 10th, 2006, 05:35 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: *queen city* of North Carolina
Posts: 9,497
Quote:
Quote:
I absolutely believe in marriage and everything it represents.
I find it sad and insulting when others refer to marriage as "a piece of paper", my marriage is so much more than my license! It is an expression of our commitment to each other and our family. It doesn't define my relationship with my husband, though it is very meaningful and important.
Marriage is work, but it is something worth working on and something DH and I strive to maintain and improve. I love being married, I love to think about our wedding, I love remembering how Matthew looked at me when I walked down the aisle, and remembering our vows to each other. My marriage is not a piece of paper, it is a commitment in our hearts. It is vows we made to each other in front of our family, our friends and God. It is something that has far greater meaning than the piece of paper it is written on.

It also means that if it doesn't pan out, I get half ...just kidding![/b]
Ditto! I don't think that marriage is for everyone...but I do believe in marriage. Its a way to tell the whole world that I found the person I love enough to spend the rest of my life (hopefully) with. My best friend and soulmate if you will. What's wrong with that? I don't think my saying "yes" to believing in marriage is a bad thing (I know, no one said it was). But it's not like believing in marriage is like I'm saying I believe in Santa! I love that when I'm out that people can see my wedding ring and know I'm happy. I know, not everyone is happy in marriage, but that's true of relationships in general a lot too. I will teach my son that marriage isn't easy. I've been divorced, so I know this as FACT!!! There's a lot that goes into it. Love, pride, respect, compromise and many other things. I love being married.
[/b]
My thoughts exactly. Prior to getting married, it was just a piece of paper, but as soon as we said "I Do", it was so much more then that. At church yesterday, the pastor said, "Divorce is/was easy, being married isn't" [in referance to how divorce was in biblical days, it can still be applied today. In most cases, its much easier to throw in the towel then admit that things within the marriage need to be worked on.]
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  #14  
July 10th, 2006, 05:59 PM
Cereal Killer's Avatar Aiming for mediocrity
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People keep mentioning the divorce rate, well that is a documented statistic. How about the "break up" rates, we can't see that because it is unable to be documented.
Yes, aside from the commitment in our hearts, our marriage also grants DH and I a legal commitment. We benefit through our taxes and insurance. If anything happens to either one of us, there is no question of custody, property ownership, or beneficiaries. IMO, a relationship with no legal commitment is not at any less risk than a marriage, dare I say, it is at higher risk. In the heat of an argument things are said, threats are sometimes made. In order to leave a marriage, there is a waiting/cooling off period (in most states, anyways), the couple must hire lawyers and split all assetts as well as determine custody and support. I would say many couple reconcile before the process makes it past the cooling off period. In a relationship which is not legally recognized, the parties just have to walk away (except in the case of unwed parents, in which case a custody battle may ensue).
I am not negating the validity of an unwed commited couple's relationship, I don't believe everyone has to get married. I just find it frustrating when people site their reason for not wanting to commit as the divorce rate, when the divorce rate is where it is because people don't take relationships and marriage seriously...it is almost paradoxical.
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  #15  
July 10th, 2006, 06:33 PM
Sunflower_Mommy2003's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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There are happy marriages and miserable marriages, healthy marriages and abusive marriages, thriving marriages and failing marriages, even second, third, fourth, and fifth marriages.

With divorce rates such as they are, I don't believe it's indicative of level of commitment. I think it's a tradition, between consenting adults, and if it fits in with your lifestyle, beliefs, or faith...by golly, go for it.

Dh and I just had our 5th anniversary in April, and being married is has been great for us. But, I don't think making it official through a ceremony or having it recognized by the state has changed how we relate to eachother, how much we love eachother, or how committed we are in the slightest.

Jen
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  #16  
July 10th, 2006, 06:37 PM
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I think a lot of you ladies have made a lot of excellent points. I am getting married in November and I feel that marriage is so much more then a piece of paper or a legal binding. My fiance and I will commit our love to each other in front of our family, friends, and God. Yes, sometimes I joke and say "The only thing that will really change is my last name" but I say that because we've lived together for a while and been committed to each other, and physically (moving in together, etc.) nothing will change. However, I think that the vows that we will be saying to each other mean so very much. That being said, I don't think that marriage is a neccessity to prove your committment to someone. My fiance and I have been committed and exclusive since we first started dating, but I feel that taking it to the next level just makes our committment that much stronger and that much more worth cherishing. Just my 2 pennies!
Amanda
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  #17  
July 10th, 2006, 09:09 PM
kadydid
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My husband and I committed to each other in front of a strange lady, 4 friends and a hairdresser. We would have splurged for the Elvis but he wasn’t there that day. Having said that the only reason I am married is because “society” aka “the man” has it set up in such a way that I can not share my sweeties insurance (so we could TTC our little sweetie) Other wise I might not have considered marriage. I am fine being married in fact I have a pretty traditional marriage and I like the more dominant type man, but I could have went the rest of my life never being married again.

In Scandinavia the marriage rate has gone down a lot. Having a child there out of wedlock is not a big deal. And I *think* they have some sort of social medicine so that is not really a factor for them. I read this article some time ago, kind of interesting…..

http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2...marriage_x.htm

I say if it something that you feel you need, you should do it. But if it isn’t I don’t see anything wrong with that either.


Quote:
There are happy marriages and miserable marriages, healthy marriages and abusive marriages, thriving marriages and failing marriages, even second, third, fourth, and fifth marriages.

With divorce rates such as they are, I don't believe it's indicative of level of commitment. I think it's a tradition, between consenting adults, and if it fits in with your lifestyle, beliefs, or faith...by golly, go for it.

Dh and I just had our 5th anniversary in April, and being married is has been great for us. But, I don't think making it official through a ceremony or having it recognized by the state has changed how we relate to eachother, how much we love eachother, or how committed we are in the slightest.

Jen[/b]
I feel this way too.
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  #18  
July 11th, 2006, 08:20 AM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: North Texas
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interesting facts for common law marriage
Common-law marriage (or common law marriage), sometimes called informal marriage or marriage by habit and repute is, historically, a form of interpersonal status in which a man and a woman are legally married. The term is often mistakenly understood to indicate an interpersonal relationship that is not recognized in law. In fact, a common law marriage is just as legally binding as a statutory or ceremonial marriage — it is just formed differently.
The essential distinctions of a common law marriage are:

Common law marriages are not licensed by government authorities.
Common law marriages are not necessarily solemnized.
There is no public record of a common law marriage (i.e., no marriage certificate).
Cohabitation alone does not amount to common law marriage; the couple in question must hold themselves out to the world to be husband and wife.
In some jurisdictions, a couple must have cohabited and held themselves out to the world as husband and wife for a minimum length of time for the marriage to be recognised as valid.
Otherwise, the requirements are the same for common law marriage as they are for statutory marriage, i.e., the parties must mutually consent to be married, be of legal age or have their parents' permission, and so on.

There is no such thing as "common law divorce." Once a marriage is validly contracted, whether according to statute or according to common law, the marriage can only be dissolved by a legal proceeding in the pertinent trial court (usually family court or probate court).

Since the mid-1990s, the term "common-law marriage" has been used in parts of Europe and Canada to describe various types of domestic partnership between persons of the same sex as well as persons of the opposite sex. Although these interpersonal statuses are often, as in Hungary, called "common-law marriage" they differ from true common-law marriage in that they are not legally recognized as "marriages" but are a parallel interpersonal status, known in most jurisdictions as "domestic partnership" or "registered partnership."
Canada
Under Canadian law, the legal definition and regulation of common law marriage fall under provincial jurisdiction. A couple must meet the requirements of their province's Marriage Act for their common law marriage to be legally recognized.

similar for america

However, in many cases common law couples have the same rights as married couples under federal law. Various federal laws include "common law status," which automatically takes effect once two people (of any gender) have lived together in a conjugal relationship for one full year. Common law partners may be eligible for various federal government spousal benefits.
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  #19  
July 11th, 2006, 08:28 AM
Jen25's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 12,443
Look, Im not trying to insult anyone, but it IS insulting to say that becuase you had a ceremony and have a license that somehow your relationship is better than those who dont. All Im saying is, you can be in a loving, commited, happy realtionship without being married! And for the record the only difference between those that live together in a committed realtionship and those that are married are a legal document and tax/ins benefits.
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  #20  
July 11th, 2006, 08:31 AM
mrobinson
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All Im saying is, you can be in a loving, commited, happy realtionship without being married![/b]


I've mentioned it before. There is a cycle to a healthy relationship. Lots of people (gay, unwed, or married) have achieved it. I don't think marriage is necessary but it takes a ton of work by two healthy individuals to make ANY relationship reach the final stages of a relationship.
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