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Children who get toys & gifts in between holidays


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  #1  
July 11th, 2006, 09:19 PM
~Jess~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Growing up, my parents didn't have much money. Back in those days, debt was not nearly as acceptable as it is now, so since we didn't have much money, us kids only got gifts on our birthday & Christmas. Before my kids were born, I sat dh down and told him that I wanted to do the same thing. I don't enjoy seeing children in a store crying for a toy and I certainly didn't want to have to deal with that from my own children. We told our family that they are not to give our children anything except the occasional book or clothes in between holidays.

So far, it has worked out quite well. *knock on wood-lol* I never have to deal with my son asking me for something when we go somewhere because he already knows ahead of time that the answer will always be "no."

Here's the deal tho-whenever I tell someone about our rule, I get the strangest looks from people like I am depriving my children.

For those of you whose children get gifts/toys in between holidays, where do you draw the line to make sure you aren't spoiling them? Or do you care if they are spoiled? Can a child truly be deprived if his needs are being met? I would love some insight as to why I seem to be looked down on at times. Some kids seem to get whatever they want whenever they want it (my bil for one)-how can they be taught the value of money when they are in this situation?

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  #2  
July 11th, 2006, 09:30 PM
chlodoll
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I dont think you are depriving them in the slightest! Whatever works best for your family. I know personally we will probably buy them stuff all the time because I cant help it. lol But I think it depends on the situation. Like if they are educational toys I dont see anything wrong with getting them in between. I know once a month my Mom and I would go downtown for the day when I was little. She would always buy be something. It didnt have to be big or fancy and it was always educational (the only thing i had that wasnt was barbie!) If you were just buying them action figure whenever they wanted then I think you may be asking for trouble.
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  #3  
July 11th, 2006, 09:31 PM
Tanya G's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This is our first child, and he is only 9 months old so I dont think that would be an ideal rule at this age as he is changing so quickly that it would be silly for him to only have toys at xmas and his birthday because he would only have age approprate toys for such a short time. I think when children are really small, they outgrow the age appopriate toys so quickly that maybe thats why you get the looks? how old are your children?

I grew up in a household where my parents didnt celebrate birthdays or xmas, and they didnt allow anyone else to buy us birthday or xmas gifts. They were too poor themselves to buy us anything so consequently we pretty much had nothing. we made do with our imaginations for the most part. But because of this, I will have no rules for my child about when he can have gifts or get new toys. I completely understand your rule, but when your child grows up, they may in turn spoil their child saying well my parents ONLY allowed gifts on birthdays and xmas so I am gonna give my children gifts all the time, know what I mean? Because I never had xmas or bdays as a child, I want to make a big deal out of those for Cohen.
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  #4  
July 11th, 2006, 09:46 PM
~Jess~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
I think when children are really small, they outgrow the age appopriate toys so quickly that maybe thats why you get the looks?[/b]
You make an excellent point!!! My oldest son is a July baby (Turns 3 next week), so his b-day & Christmas are spaced in a way that he didn't have to go without age-appropriate toys, kwim? My second son is a Sep baby, but he has all of the hand-me-downs from my older son, so it works out perfectly. I can see how someone who had a Dec baby might wonder how on earth I could go a full year without buying something for my kids. *slaps forehead* That never occured to me.




Quote:
I will have no rules for my child about when he can have gifts or get new toys.[/b]
Are you concerned at all about him becoming spoiled, or have you drawn a figurative cutoff line in your head?

I only ask because I have a friend who buys her child something EVERYTIME they go somewhere. It started out as a bribe situation. "If you'll behave in the store, I'll buy you a toy." and then developed into him refusing to behave unless a toy was involved and became a vicious cycle that, unfortunately, has never been nipped in the bud and he is 5 now.
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  #5  
July 11th, 2006, 10:03 PM
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I hate to admit it, but I am a big sucker for BOOKS. My kids don't get a lot of toys between "gift-giving events," but when we go to the store and see a huge display of children's books, many of them will be coming home with us!

I agree that kids shouldn't be showered with gifts all the time either--birthdays and Christmas are enough. My kids (ages 5 and 3) have actually started buying their own toys with money they've earned doing chores. If they want something, we find out how much it is and they save for it--first it has to be acceptable to us, of course. People think that's really off the wall, too. I mean, kids EARNING something? What was I thinking? They also have to save some to put in the bank, and give some--either as a gift or at church or somewhere.
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  #6  
July 12th, 2006, 03:44 AM
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I love how my brother handles this. If his kids see something they want, they each have a journal my sister-in-law carries in her purse. They can write down what it is they wanted and work towards getting it through chores, good behavior, helping eachother out, good grades, etc. They only end up getting something from the journal once every few months, but I still feel like its the culmination of good work and they don't seemed spoiled by it at all.

Sometimes she asks them to write why they want the thing as well, so that they remember why it was they wanted it and if it is still worth it after those weeks of hard work.
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  #7  
July 12th, 2006, 06:17 AM
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Quote:
I love how my brother handles this. If his kids see something they want, they each have a journal my sister-in-law carries in her purse. They can write down what it is they wanted and work towards getting it through chores, good behavior, helping eachother out, good grades, etc. They only end up getting something from the journal once every few months, but I still feel like its the culmination of good work and they don't seemed spoiled by it at all.

Sometimes she asks them to write why they want the thing as well, so that they remember why it was they wanted it and if it is still worth it after those weeks of hard work.[/b]

Thats an awsome idea! I've planned on doing something along those lines.

I don't think you'd neccesarly be spoiling them. It really depends on the situation though. At birthdays and christmas, alone you could still be spoiling them. I think giving into the whinning, is what the problem is. If you give in once, its just setting a patern for the future. And one thats hard to break. Some friends of our, if you buy them a new toy [even b-days and xmas], they play with it for 5 minutes and thats it. I don't think its a bad idea to have to have good behavior, or whatnot before getting a new toy, they might apprechate it more that way, since they had to work hard to earn it. Although, I know some people who say, the things mentioned above, are expected, and therefor saying they need to do those things to get the new toy, says, that when they don't want something they can behave badly, or whatnot.
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  #8  
July 12th, 2006, 07:26 AM
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What my parents did when I was a child will probably be what my fiance and I will do. When are children get old enough to understand the concept of keeping things "clean" we will give them an allowance every week for doing things like keeping their room clean, etc. That way they can feel like they earned that money to get that toy they wanted instead of just having it handed to them. My parents did this with us and it worked very well.
Amanda
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  #9  
July 12th, 2006, 09:18 AM
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Since Brody is only 4 months, I haven't had to deal with this yet. But my plan is not to buy toys as a bribe. Maybe if he's been really good...we'll pick one up, but definitely not every time we go to a store!! I also have a "plan" (we'll see if I stick to it ) to tell him he can have a new toy (if he asks) but once we get home, he'll have to give one away to someone needy. This way, he can decide if he wants a new toy that badly or if he'd rather keep the ones he knows he likes. But I figure doing this...buy one, give one away...will kinda keep a status quo of toys at our house.
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  #10  
July 12th, 2006, 09:30 AM
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My brother and I were homeschooled. I was from first grade until the end of eight grade. My brother from kindergarden to the end of sixth grade. We would occasionally get something in between our birthdays and chirstmas. My birthday is in November so thats a really long time from Christmas till then. Mainly it was if we had earned money with an allowence or if we had earned something in school. The other time would have been like after the dentist when I had to get babyteeth and the adult teeth pulled to make room.

My mom had a rule when we were growing up that if we didnt take care of it we lost it. Also most of the things she did get for us were educational.

I think with Max I am going to do the samething. Getting toys or gifts is something that should be special and not something that is expected KWIM
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  #11  
July 12th, 2006, 09:39 AM
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Oh I also wanted to add that the "no toys other then b-day and x-mas" policy would have been horrible for my sister and I. My birthday is December 8th and hers is December 28th lol.
Amanda
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  #12  
July 12th, 2006, 10:02 AM
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At this point I'm not sure what my rule will be. My daughter is 9 months old and dosn't really understand it yet. I do get her toys when I find something she might like or that she needs for developmental growth (the other day I bought her stacking rings for $5.49 at Kroger and the week before I got her some Link-a-Doos because she had lost a lot of them and likes them so much). Although I never thougt I would be one to spoil my child, I find myself wanting to give her more because I grew up without much. I guess time will tell.
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  #13  
July 12th, 2006, 10:15 AM
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Quote:
Oh I also wanted to add that the "no toys other then b-day and x-mas" policy would have been horrible for my sister and I. My birthday is December 8th and hers is December 28th lol.
Amanda[/b]
That is exactly why I didn't get much when I was little. My birthday is December 23rd.
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  #14  
July 12th, 2006, 10:16 AM
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I feel the same way.. when I was growing up we hardly had any money.. I mean christmas's and birthday's were limited with gifts.. I was provided for dont get me wrong I never was starving but as for material things I may have wanted along the way were few and far between.. I dont give into my son if he screams for something at the store.. If I see something I know he could benefit from and money provides I get it for him.. My daughter is only 6 months so until she gets older I will get her as many things as I think she can learn from and a few for "fun" toys as well.. If that is spoiling my children thats alright with me.. Wanting things for your children that you werent able to have I dont think is wrong in any way
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  #15  
July 12th, 2006, 10:25 AM
Sunflower_Mommy2003's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I can definately see the benefits in just giving gifts on holidays, however...what if you have a child who's birthday is very near---or even just within a month of---Christmas? What happens when summer comes and you want to get him/her a sprinkler...or a set of sandbox toys or a bugcatcher?

When I was little, we mostly just got toys for Christmas or Birthdays, which sucked for me because my birthday is about two weeks away from Christmas. Dh's birthday is also in the same month as Christmas. Ds's is in October.

We often take Quinn (almost 3) for a ride on the carosel once a week; it only costs $1. When we go, we often stop by target and pick out a new matchbox car for him, as we're building a collection of real city-type vehicles, like a bus, garbage truck, construciton trucks, etc. He adores them. And they cost less than a dollar. It's almost become a weekend tradition.

He probably is a bit spoiled, he's being raised almost like an only child since his teenage brother (15) is so much older. But we don't let him 'beg'. We pick out the toy. While I'm looking, he's usually admiring and pushing buttons on a variety of other bigger, more expensive toy vehicles. But he seems to be content with whatever we choose for him. I realize that may change as he gets older, and if he starts whining or becomes demanding each time we visit the toy aisle, we'll simply stop taking him.

Jen
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  #17  
July 12th, 2006, 12:42 PM
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Frisky,
If your parents were like mine they did a whole lot of the "this is your x-mas and b-day present". I hated it!
Amanda
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  #18  
July 12th, 2006, 05:27 PM
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Quote:
Frisky,
If your parents were like mine they did a whole lot of the "this is your x-mas and b-day present". I hated it!
Amanda[/b]
I was lucky that my mom didn't do that but my dad (the divorced when I was 2), and everyone else, did. They figured they were getting off cheap and would use the excuse "We just have to buy so many presants for christmas". If you can spend on to differet presents for someone else you can do the same for me. another thing I hated was getting a Christmas card with "...and have a Happy Birthday too!" at the bottom. ***. If you won't buy two different presents you can AT LEAST buy two cards!!!!

I'm so glad Layla was born in October and not December.
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  #19  
July 12th, 2006, 06:23 PM
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Lol! And on top of the combined presents my sister and I shared a b-day party on my b-day (since hers was so close to x-mas). So I was always sad because I had to share my party lol. Our daughter will be born in October as well, and I'm so glad she won't be a December baby.
Amanda
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  #20  
July 12th, 2006, 06:45 PM
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Quote:
Lol! And on top of the combined presents my sister and I shared a b-day party on my b-day (since hers was so close to x-mas). So I was always sad because I had to share my party lol. Our daughter will be born in October as well, and I'm so glad she won't be a December baby.
Amanda[/b]
My name is Amanda too!
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