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virginity relating to religion


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  #1  
July 12th, 2006, 08:56 PM
apples's Avatar Member
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What does your religion (or personal beliefs) have to say about sex before marriage if anything? Did those beliefs have anything to do with you choosing TO or NOT choosing to be a virgin until your wedding night?



I was told kindly by someone on another thread that this may be a good place to discuss sex pertaining to religion. If you would like to read more about this topic there is another thread in the heated debates, but I'd really like some opinions from the religious side of things. Thanks!
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  #2  
July 12th, 2006, 09:03 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Although I was still Catholic by name when I lost my virginity to my fiance, it wasn't religious ideas that kept me from having sex before that. It was my personal views about sex being the ultimate closeness, an invitation to come inside you, that I wanted to save that for a man that would be special and a man I would be having children with.
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  #3  
July 12th, 2006, 09:50 PM
Cereal Killer's Avatar Aiming for mediocrity
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Quote:
an invitation to come inside you[/b]
hehe....get it.....hehe!!

Okay, back to grown up talk!
I have been raised Catholic and so, yes, premarital sex is a no-no! At the time and in that moment, though, my thought was only that I was in love (I thought I was ) and it was the best way for me to express my feelings. We had been together for over a year and I wanted to be as close as possible to him.

We are actually still friends, both married with children. Like I said, I don't regret it and I don't think what happened was wrong. To be honest, he and DH are not the only men I have been with either, and I have no regrets about any of the decisions I made.
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  #4  
July 13th, 2006, 01:28 AM
irishxrose
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I was raised Methodist Christian (well until I was ten), so I was told that sex before marriage would earn me a spot in he11, but I never really cared. Like I said in the other thread, in my religion now (Pagan), it is a personal choice, and will not burn you for eternity. I personally believe that making love is a sacred time, and something to be revered, but sex is just sex. Yes, I've had a f*ck buddie, but we weren't interested in a relationship at the time, just sex. We are still very close to this day, and best friends. Sex just made us a little closer than other best friends. Sex truly isn't a big deal to me. I won't give it to just anybody, I have to know them (well this was back in the day when I was actually single; now my fiance is the only one who's getting sex from me!).

Also to me, making love and sex has a VERY big difference.
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  #5  
July 13th, 2006, 05:34 AM
bright future's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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While I'm Christian now, I wasn't until a couple of years ago. I'm not sure how that would have affected my decision to have sex before marriage... I did and without doing so I wouldn't be with my husband or have my son, so I don't regret it. The chain of events that has led me to this point in my life can't be altered and I wouldn't want them to be.

I had no religious beliefs in my household growing up. My parents never really spoke to me about sex either. I lost my virginity at 17.
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  #6  
July 13th, 2006, 07:16 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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My religion says that premarital sex is a no-no, but it didn't have any affect on my decision at that time. Like someone else said, I felt it was the right time and went through with it. I don't regret anything about it either. I don't feel that I'm doomed to hell because of my decision either.
Amanda
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  #7  
July 13th, 2006, 07:49 AM
mrobinson
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Quote:
What does your religion (or personal beliefs) have to say about sex before marriage if anything? Did those beliefs have anything to do with you choosing TO or NOT choosing to be a virgin until your wedding night?
I was told kindly by someone on another thread that this may be a good place to discuss sex pertaining to religion. If you would like to read more about this topic there is another thread in the heated debates, but I'd really like some opinions from the religious side of things. Thanks! [/b]
(I think it's awesome you took it up here too!)

I was very much an atheist at the time I lost my virginity. (I was very messed up emotionally and actually thought if there was a God, why would he put me on Earth?) I realize now my life is not the fault of God and I wish I had a better perspective then.

I can't say I'm Christian in the North American Church system sense, but I do believe in a Creator and I pray throughout the day and at night. I hope to having children soon. Dh and I have talked about how we are going to raise our kids with spiritual meaning. I plan on having a very open talks about human's sex parts as early as they talk. (To their level I mean. No pee-pee, poo-poo language at first ~ vagina and penis talk.) I think that prepares them for any inappropriate talk from strangers, family, "friends" or associates in their life. I hope if we talk openly from the start, we can continue speaking frankly about it as they age.. I hope through love, self-eestem and prinicples they will make educated decisions regarding their own sex lives. ((pretty please, God?)) If they choose to wait until their wedding night I will support them, but I don't think I'd encourage it. I don't believe people should get married until they've lived with each other for a year. I also don't think people should be having babies as soon as they are together. I hope they will work on an inner relationship, a couple relationship, strengthen that and then have a child. Sex is their decision based on where they are in relationship.

Mistakes happen to everyone.. sex is no exception. Babies happen.. I have to open to the idea I didn't instill all the values I hoped to and I may have a son come home and tell me his g/f is pregnant or have a girl and have her tell me she is pregnant. That is not the fault of religion.. that is my failure as a parent.
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  #8  
July 13th, 2006, 07:50 AM
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I was brought up in a household that wasn't very religious. My mom was a non-practicing Jew, my father a Christian, I was exposed to both religions but the descision was left up to me. Ultimately, I decided Christianity was right for me, but since I don't follow a strict order or associate with any particular denomination, I never had any clear cut guidlines about sex outside of marriage so it didn't affect my decision to lose my virginity at 15. Thats a descision I don't regret, it was with someone I loved deeply and we waited a long time and made sure we were both ready. I only regret one person that I slept with. At the time, I thought I was in love with him, but later came to find out that his feelings were different. This person happens to be the father of my baby, though, so I can't really say that I regret it, but I have learned from it. Being alone and pregnant has taught me a huge lesson about the sanctity of my body, and the seriousness of sharing it with someone, and it has definately changed my views on sex. Will I abstain untill marriage this time? Probobly not, but I will be much more careful to make sure that the next person I am with is the person I will be with for the rest of my life.
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  #9  
July 13th, 2006, 11:57 AM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Quote:
What does your religion (or personal beliefs) have to say about sex before marriage if anything? Did those beliefs have anything to do with you choosing TO or NOT choosing to be a virgin until your wedding night?
I was told kindly by someone on another thread that this may be a good place to discuss sex pertaining to religion. If you would like to read more about this topic there is another thread in the heated debates, but I'd really like some opinions from the religious side of things. Thanks! [/b]
(I think it's awesome you took it up here too!)

I was very much an atheist at the time I lost my virginity. (I was very messed up emotionally and actually thought if there was a God, why would he put me on Earth?) I realize now my life is not the fault of God and I wish I had a better perspective then.

I can't say I'm Christian in the North American Church system sense, but I do believe in a Creator and I pray throughout the day and at night. I hope to having children soon. Dh and I have talked about how we are going to raise our kids with spiritual meaning. I plan on having a very open talks about human's sex parts as early as they talk. (To their level I mean. No pee-pee, poo-poo language at first ~ vagina and penis talk.) I think that prepares them for any inappropriate talk from strangers, family, "friends" or associates in their life. I hope if we talk openly from the start, we can continue speaking frankly about it as they age.. I hope through love, self-eestem and prinicples they will make educated decisions regarding their own sex lives. ((pretty please, God?)) If they choose to wait until their wedding night I will support them, but I don't think I'd encourage it. I don't believe people should get married until they've lived with each other for a year. I also don't think people should be having babies as soon as they are together. I hope they will work on an inner relationship, a couple relationship, strengthen that and then have a child. Sex is their decision based on where they are in relationship.

Mistakes happen to everyone.. sex is no exception. Babies happen.. I have to open to the idea I didn't instill all the values I hoped to and I may have a son come home and tell me his g/f is pregnant or have a girl and have her tell me she is pregnant. That is not the fault of religion.. that is my failure as a parent.
[/b]

ooooh great response!
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  #10  
July 23rd, 2006, 01:41 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My personal belief is that you shouldn't have sex with someone you wouldn't marry - if that makes sense...

I know some people think "sex is sex" ...but I think that "type" of sex (for lack of a better word) is akin to other bodily functions like taking a pooh & if I had a purely physcial need - I could take care of it myself.

I wouldn't have sex with someone just to have sex because I think that you are opening yourself up to a lot of complications (such as infection, illness, or a pg) for a little bit of fun. I wouldn't ever risk that for fun - regardless if hte fun were not of a sexual nature as well - KWIM?

I also don't happen to believe you should have sex if you aren't in a position to handle consequences..such as those stated previous. That is why I made sure I was out of my parent's house & living on my own before having sex. I know it is over-analytical in a lot of people's minds as well as a kill-joy - but my feeling is that if you are mature - you will make decisions that reflect that - regardless of what one might want to do in the moment. I waited because if I was a "big enough girl" to have sex - then I should also be grown enough to handle whatever came with it & you can't really say that completely unless you are under your own roof. All my friends lost their virginity before me (and most were similar or same exact religion) so I can't say it was a religious conviction as much as how I was raised. I also had a high school boyfriend of 2 yrs that had sexually active prior to us dating - and we never even came close... I think it's about conviction in general - wherever it comes from & either you have a personal conviction on it or you don't. I had decided wayyyy early on that I wouldn't have sex until after I was grown - so I didn't. Others were much less clear in their intenet (such as my friends) - and many knew LONG before they lost their virginity - it was just a matter of time & who it would be.

I have no regrets. I enjoyed high school with no high-drama. My boyfriends were never the center of my life...and as it turns out the man I chose to loose my virginity (and the only man I have had sex with) ended up becoming my Dh (many years later). I like that he is the only one & I don't ever wonder what someone else would be like - cause he'll be whoever I want him to be & vice-versa
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  #11  
July 27th, 2006, 02:54 PM
Bekah's Avatar happy 2 be a girl mommy!
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I was raised and still am in a christian home, and I believe it with all my heart.
I lost my virginity to my BF at 16 (we are now engaged) and we both go to church regularly, I admit I sometimes feel condemned but at the time we thought we were ready( we really weren't , it's caused most of the rows we have) and we love eachother with all we have. I often feel guilty about my decision -- but I could NEVER regret it, it meant so much to me and still does.Though I would never in my right mind have had sex with someone I didn't love, or plan to spend the rest of my life with.

Sex is a personal choice -- for those who are ready.
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  #12  
July 27th, 2006, 02:58 PM
mrobinson
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OT:

To anyone who might be struggling with guilt.. I hope this helps:

Coping with guilt and overcoming it

Suggested steps to overcome guilt
Step 1: You can recognize the role guilt is playing in your life by choosing a current problem and answering the following questions in your journal:

a . What problem is currently troubling me?

b . Who is responsible for the problem?

c . Whose problem is it, really?

d . What did I do to make this problem worse for myself?

e . How much guilt do I feel about this problem?

f . How much does the guilt I experience exaggerate or exacerbate my problem?

g . If I felt no more guilt what would my problem look like then?

If the answer to question ``g'' is that your problem can be solved by reducing guilt, go to Step 2.

Step 2: Redefine your problem with the absence of guilt as an issue.

In answering the questions in Step 1 you recognized that guilt was preventing resolution of the problem. To redefining your problem, answer the following questions in your journal:

How insurmountable is the problem?

Is this problem an interpersonal or intrapersonal problem?

If it is interpersonal: Can I help the other person and myself to set aside guilt and resolve this problem?

If it is intrapersonal: Can I set aside guilt or the fear of it and resolve this problem?

Does this problem have more than one solution? Can others and myself experience satisfaction, comfort, and resolution with a minimum of debilitating guilt?

Whose problem is it, really?

Is it my problem or another(s)?

Am I taking on another's responsibility?

Am I trying to keep another from experiencing pain, hardship, or discomfort?

Step 3: If the problem is really someone else's, give the problem back to the person(s) to solve and to deal with.

If the problem is yours, go to Step 4.

Step 4: You must confront the real or imagined guilt or fear of guilt preventing you from either handing the problem back to the person(s) whose problem it really is (Step 3) or from handling the problem on your own. Consider the following:

a . What fears are blocking me at this moment from taking the steps I need to resolve this problem?

b . What are the irrational beliefs behind these fears?

c . Refute the irrational beliefs using the steps given in the ``Handling Irrational Beliefs'' section two in Tools for Personal Growth.

d . Initiate a program of self-affirmation as presented in the "Self-Affirmations'' section 3 in Tools for Personal Growth..

e . Use an imagery scenario with ``guilt'' as an object you packaged in a nice box. It is brought to a mountain top and thrown off a cliff for good.

f . Affirm for yourself that:

You deserve to solve this problem.

You deserve to be good to yourself

You deserve to have others be good to you, too!


Step 5: If your guilt is not resolved after completing Steps 3 and/or 4, return to Step 1 and begin again.
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  #13  
August 2nd, 2006, 08:15 AM
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I was raised in a Christian home, and when I was a teenager in the early 90's there was a movement going on where chastity rings were being worn by teens who vowed to abstain from sex until marriage. I never wore a ring (because I felt I didn't need a physical symbol) but I vowed to myself to remain a virgin until I was married. My reasons weren't religiously motivated though, even though premartial sex was frowned upon in my church.

I remained a virgin until my wedding night (at 21yrs old) because I didn't want to get involved in the emotional drama of a sexual relationship. I had friends who were sleeping with their BF's and I saw what they went through and then witnessed the breakups and was there to try to pick up the pieces of their heart left on the floow. I didn't need to go through their pain to relate to it. I wanted to protect myself from that.

I was also afraid of STD's or getting pg even though I knew that there was BC and condoms, etc. I am living proof that the pill doesn't work 100%. My parent's were dating when they discovered that my mom was pg and they got married a few months later. I didn't need to play with those odds to enjoy a few moments of fun that I knew I would eventually get to experience.

I have no regrets with my decision and I married my highschool sweetheart. We started dating when I was 16 and we discussed the "line" and how to avoid situations so that we weren't tempted. Yes...I had makeout sessions with my BF but the line was never crossed. Our wedding night was very special because I knew that we didn't have any excess baggage in our marriage or relationship. We had no regrets and weren't in any hurry to grow up and deal with situations we weren't emotionally ready to handle.

Looking back I would make the same decision. So I guess the long answer to your question is no...my religion didn't prevent me from having premartial sex...I did. My faith gave me the support to continue with my decision despite temptations that I faced.

I had many friends who went to other route from me and slept with their BF's but I never looked down on them for their decision. It's a personal choice and I think religions are so caught up in the legalities of things instead of looking at the reasons.

I think the Bible says no to premartial sex because of the emotions, and physical somplications that can arise from it...not to be a kill joy and ruin the beauty of sex. Heck...there's an entire book of the Bible dedicated to the topic of sex and romance (The Songs of Songs). I had a youth pastor stand up once before a sermon and yell out "Sex is Great!" and gosh...did it ever get out attention! We then went on to talk about how it's a wonderful thing but so much baggage can arise from it and how it's best for a committed relationship like marriage. He was the talk of our retreat and for the rest of the year!
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  #15  
August 4th, 2006, 08:49 PM
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I think that my religion had a huge play in me staying a virgin until I got married. As well as my bringing up, but I was brought up that way because of my parents religion. Christian.

I was 18 when I got married. And I was a virgin on my wedding night, well to be honest, until two days after my wedding night. I was too tense, and just wouldn't relax. Therefore we didn't have sex until 2 days later. I know, I'm a dork!

I believe that the White wedding dress signifies purity, and I wanted to be pure, for my husband when I stood before him at the alter.

My husband, who was 20 when we married, however was not a virgin. When he was 15 he had sex with practically a stranger. Someone he'd known for less than a week. His dad handed him a condom and said "Make me proud son", (his dad is a whole other story). He regrets not waiting for "the one" a.k.a. me. And although I don't condemn him or judge him, I think it would have been awesome had he waited for me.

I will definately be raising my children the same way. Wait until you are married. The Bible that I believe in has many verses about it, but right now, I'm not going to post them all. I'm just giving my personal POV.
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