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Surrogacy and some uncomfortable feelings about it

Forum: Heated Debates


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April 16th, 2012, 08:15 AM
BittyBugsMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1,317
20 - 40K for doing something that I could do with my husband anyway sounds awesome! There are days I wish I could surrogate but I think I'd struggle with the fact that I'd feel obligated to the actual parents to live my life to their specifications... might be worth it for 40K...
AtomicMama and HappyHippy like this.
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June 17th, 2017, 04:05 AM
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by MindyRambo View Post
First off, it's been way too quiet in here!

Seems like lately I have been hearing a lot about surrogacy, and not just on this board, but on other boards and in real life.

I am going to open myself up here to possible flammage by admitting that itís one thing that I have always felt really judgemental about. I would like to understand it a bit more, and I would like to feel less judgemental about it. Letís face it, itís none of my freaking business.

I think one thing that really bothers me, and it also bothered me on adoption boards, is that when someone annouces they will be a surrogate, that is then followed by a flurry of compliments to that person to the effect of ďYou are so selfless, so generous, what a wonderful gift to give to another coupleĒ

I have to admit it really rubs me the wrong way. I actually donít see it as that selfless, especially since big $ can be made being a surrogate. Itís not altruistic imo, and in fact I can see how some people could thrive on that attention, and I donít think thatís a good thing. Those comments rubbed me the wrong way on adoption boards too, because I donít think you need to be a saint to adopt or to place a child for adoption, and it pisses me off when people say that, because it implies that you would have to be saint to love a child that is not biologically your own. I think some are convinced they could only love their bio kids and thatís just crazy to me.

I think the thing that bothers me the most though is my own perception of it leading to the commodification of children.

I also think that when you use your own eggs to be a surrogate you are opening yourself up (and the couple) to a lot of possible legal problems.

I also know that a new generation of children is finally getting old enough to talk about their experiences being the children of surrogates. Iíve heard a lot from these young people and many of them feel abandoned by their surrogate, they wish they had a relationship with the person who gave them life, and they are often denied this by surrogates who go out of their way not to ďget attachedĒ to the child they are carrying.

I would like to understand better, and I hate the judgement I feel. Please help me see things from a different perspective.
Good Morning,

My husband and I have been actively trying to conceive for 8 of our 13yr marriage. Never used any form of bc. I found out due to childhood abdominal surgeries I cannot carry a child. We inquired on over 12 foster kids and also had a baby girl where my husband cut the cord. The birthmom changed her mind. Legally, she sighed over her rights and it was irrevocable, but we couldn't keep a baby from her mom.

Our friend who is the wife of my husband's lifelong friend is our surrogate. She isn't being compensated as she doesn't want to be. We, of course, are going to do everything we can for her! She is doing this because they have seen our pain. They have kept it secret and are not telling anyone until she begins showing. She has been in this process since October (our first egg donor had an issue and we had to regroup), and hasn't told a soul. She isn't in this for the attention. But, when people DO find out, I hope they see her for the selfish angel she is!

Have a great day!
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November 9th, 2017, 05:57 PM
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: USA, Florida
Posts: 12
Seems like there are some personal feelings involved in this and I find that fascinating to watch. Maybe I'm wrong?

My thoughts on surrogacy come from emotional places and not real research or experience. I can't really comment on what it would be like or the impact it would have on my family.
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May 10th, 2019, 12:29 PM
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 1
Hi to everybody! My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 4 years. As you could expect we got zero-result. My lining doesnít create a suitable condition for implantation. I had very poor response to the stimulation.
After some years of trying we decided we have to find a woman who could be our surrogate. Iím sure we did something improperly. We couldnít trust as she behaved too slyly and even weirdly. Seemed our potential surrogate mother had her companion and they were preparing to cheat on us. The source of our meeting wasnít trustworthy, unfortunately.
We were going to save some money choosing altruistic surrogacy but it might end with a big issue, I guess.
Today we are under guarantee of the World center of baby. itís a clinic in Eastern Europe. They provide us with surrogate and arrange whole program. I wanted to say we were about to make mistake. Having surrogacy plans itís too easy make a mistake. Thus I call you to apply to only competent and professional facilities. sss xxx
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