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Surrogacy and some uncomfortable feelings about it

Forum: Heated Debates


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April 16th, 2012, 09:15 AM
BittyBugsMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 1,317
20 - 40K for doing something that I could do with my husband anyway sounds awesome! There are days I wish I could surrogate but I think I'd struggle with the fact that I'd feel obligated to the actual parents to live my life to their specifications... might be worth it for 40K...
AtomicMama and HappyHippy like this.
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October 28th, 2016, 02:13 AM
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 5
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how it's hard for you to survive your loss. We all here dream to become parents. It's our only goal. I wish you strength to keep going to this goal. We are also going to use surrogacy. Price plays big role in this case. In my country surrogacy is very expensive. We live in USA and this procedure costs here $150 000. We are not able to pay this price. We thought to go to Ukraine. Surrogacy costs are ~$30 000-50 000. This price is much lower than in our country. But price is not everything. We went to Ukraine to visit a couple of its clinics. To be honest, we are disappointed. We were full of hope and 100% sure weíll find that one clinic for us. First of all we visited BioTexCom. There are many reviews about this clinic and most part of them is positive. First thing we saw when we entered the clinic was people, too many people. Lines were very long so we had to wait for hours to talk with the doctor. All staff was busy and it was hard to find someone who could answer our questions. All seats were taken and many people were just standing for a really long time. It was really uncomfortable to be there! There were blacks everywhere! Not telling about all those chinese and indians and other rag-tag. We had to endure all that for 3 hours until there was finally our turn to talk with the doctor. To be honest there was no desire to stay there any longer. I recommend them to hire more employees and make separate hall for whites. In this case this clinic will gain more success. Then we went to Nadiya, Isida and some other clinics. Well, nice and calm places. There were white people everywhere, no lines, no rush. The only question is if we really can trust such clinics which have no clients?
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October 30th, 2016, 04:14 AM
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 11
We've also decided to have surrogacy abroad. Costs for this procedure are too high for our abilities. We want to have kids no matter what! First we tried IVF. We had 5 cycles and all of them failed. Each failure was unbearable. Each following cycle was like a knife in my heart. IVF pulled a lot of money from us. That's why we needed to find a clinic with good conditions and lower price. We chose Ukrainian biotexcom. First of all because of good reviews and reasonable price. This clinic is really popular I should say. We were there in July to meet with our doctor. There were really many people. We were standing in lines for hours and there were many couples who were staying with us. We all have one aim and I'm glad to find this place which can help us to have children.
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January 29th, 2017, 05:01 PM
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 20
Hello girls! I've also faced infertility and surrogacy was my last chance to have a baby. I was born without a uterus. It was really hard forme, especially when I've got married and we decided to become parents. I'mreally glad that you moved on and turned to surrogacy! I've also had thisprocedure in Ukrainian clinic in 2015. I became a mother of a beautiful babygirls and I'm so happy now! It took 2.5 months for our clinic(biotexcom) tofind surrogate mother for us. We didn't expect they will do this so fast. Iwish you all the best in your surrogacy journey! I hope you'll keep updating uswith good news! By the way I really enjoyed reading your blog. That was a verygood idea to start blogging about your journey! I think you'll inspire a lot ofcouples who have infertility struggle.
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March 14th, 2017, 08:17 AM
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 4
Wow, this clinic is so popular that people even post about it as an off-topic...So, let me tell something regarding the first massage here. I think that surrogacy is ok to be paid, i mean the surrogate needs a compensation for it, it is not easy and a big job! Why a person has to go for a risk and for free? hm...
I personally use services of Perfect Surrogacy Coordination Center https://www.perfect-surrogacy.com/ and their surrogate mothers are just great! experienced surrogate mothers and beautiful model egg donors and we have a procedure just the same month as we applied and sign a contracts. I have nothing against a compensation to a surrogate and will be happy to pay her even more afterwards, if she needs funds for her own children and well-being.
Kisses to all the present and future mommies!
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June 17th, 2017, 05:05 AM
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by MindyRambo View Post
First off, it's been way too quiet in here!

Seems like lately I have been hearing a lot about surrogacy, and not just on this board, but on other boards and in real life.

I am going to open myself up here to possible flammage by admitting that itís one thing that I have always felt really judgemental about. I would like to understand it a bit more, and I would like to feel less judgemental about it. Letís face it, itís none of my freaking business.

I think one thing that really bothers me, and it also bothered me on adoption boards, is that when someone annouces they will be a surrogate, that is then followed by a flurry of compliments to that person to the effect of ďYou are so selfless, so generous, what a wonderful gift to give to another coupleĒ

I have to admit it really rubs me the wrong way. I actually donít see it as that selfless, especially since big $ can be made being a surrogate. Itís not altruistic imo, and in fact I can see how some people could thrive on that attention, and I donít think thatís a good thing. Those comments rubbed me the wrong way on adoption boards too, because I donít think you need to be a saint to adopt or to place a child for adoption, and it pisses me off when people say that, because it implies that you would have to be saint to love a child that is not biologically your own. I think some are convinced they could only love their bio kids and thatís just crazy to me.

I think the thing that bothers me the most though is my own perception of it leading to the commodification of children.

I also think that when you use your own eggs to be a surrogate you are opening yourself up (and the couple) to a lot of possible legal problems.

I also know that a new generation of children is finally getting old enough to talk about their experiences being the children of surrogates. Iíve heard a lot from these young people and many of them feel abandoned by their surrogate, they wish they had a relationship with the person who gave them life, and they are often denied this by surrogates who go out of their way not to ďget attachedĒ to the child they are carrying.

I would like to understand better, and I hate the judgement I feel. Please help me see things from a different perspective.
Good Morning,

My husband and I have been actively trying to conceive for 8 of our 13yr marriage. Never used any form of bc. I found out due to childhood abdominal surgeries I cannot carry a child. We inquired on over 12 foster kids and also had a baby girl where my husband cut the cord. The birthmom changed her mind. Legally, she sighed over her rights and it was irrevocable, but we couldn't keep a baby from her mom.

Our friend who is the wife of my husband's lifelong friend is our surrogate. She isn't being compensated as she doesn't want to be. We, of course, are going to do everything we can for her! She is doing this because they have seen our pain. They have kept it secret and are not telling anyone until she begins showing. She has been in this process since October (our first egg donor had an issue and we had to regroup), and hasn't told a soul. She isn't in this for the attention. But, when people DO find out, I hope they see her for the selfish angel she is!

Have a great day!
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September 21st, 2017, 08:50 AM
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 3
I do not think that there is anything to worried about surrogacy. It is just a way to facilitate infertile couples. It can be the reason of saving your relationship. I was really happy when I have listened about surrogacy. It is like adopting my own child. I visit a clinic in Ukraine. That was the best clinic in Ukraine. Packages they are offering our best. They kept my privacy as I am a supermodel. I am really happy for that. you should also try this. I was also very nervous when I came to know about them. But now life is beautiful.
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November 9th, 2017, 06:57 PM
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: USA, Florida
Posts: 13
Seems like there are some personal feelings involved in this and I find that fascinating to watch. Maybe I'm wrong?

My thoughts on surrogacy come from emotional places and not real research or experience. I can't really comment on what it would be like or the impact it would have on my family.
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