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  #1  
July 15th, 2006, 11:32 AM
MommieinNC's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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to choose and act on "transexual behaviour" at an early age?

Based on a post I posted in my 20something Mommies group, I quote myself:

Quote:
her little boy whom is nine years old is very emotionally disturbed and throws temper tantrums that would put charles manson to shame to say the least... it's pretty bad... yet he's also going through an identity crisis at the same time.

because of this, his "mother" thinks it is not only appropiate to allow this little boy to paint his nails in very feminine shades, but also to wear dresses..... DRESSES!!!! she allows this little very impressionable nine year old little boy to go around in nail polish, dresses, etc even to school....

we've all explained to her that this isn't very smart, but she truley believes that her son may be "transexual" and feels as though he has the right to express himself as much as he wishes, and she tries to encourage him to be himself...
http://www.justmommies.com/boards/in...owtopic=276992[/b]
Now... this little boy is nine years old... He is a special needs adoption (he was adopted from the state with severe emotional problems)... and his new Mother is now both allowing and encouraging him to "be himself" by painting his nails, wearing makeup, and even wearing dresses to school. It would be one thing if the mother allowed dresses and that was that... However, she allows and ENCOURAGES him to wear them to school where the child is not only picked on, but teased, humiliated, and beaten up...

At what point do you ladies think the line should be drawn and the child be made to dress in gender appropriate clothing? At what age do you think it's appropriate for them to no longer have to? Do you think the school has a right to step in (as they have tried to do in the past?)

What's your opinions in general??
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  #2  
July 15th, 2006, 12:04 PM
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  #3  
July 15th, 2006, 12:17 PM
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On the school...

If they have a dresscode, they have the right to step in and regulate. Despite having one or not, they have the duty to protect all children in their buildings. And while it might be easier to ask the child to dress differently, the school would be fulfilling their duty to the safety of their students and the nurturing of their minds to attack the problem by going after those pupils who are teasing, beating up, etc. This should NOT be happening in a school and it is their job to control it and influence change in the behavior! not to make the child dress differently.


On dressing in girls clothing...

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."
Henry David Thoreau
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  #4  
July 15th, 2006, 12:41 PM
MommieinNC's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Kitt Posted Today, 03:04 PM
I have nothing to say other than I think you need to read your own siggy line from the Marquis de Sade[/b]
There is a MAJOR difference here... I am a grown adult, over the age of 18 (or 21 in some areas)... This is a nine year old CHILD who already has significant emotional problems.
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  #5  
July 15th, 2006, 12:44 PM
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And who's to say they wouldn't get worse if his identity were taken from him? Perhaps it would be better to force the school to take action against those hurtful children (as is THEIR JOB) and continue to let the child explore who he is.

Edit: this is not to say that the child's identity is their clothes only, but to force them to dress a certain way with no rules set by the school and to tell him to change so that others don't hurt him instead of attacking those that are hurting him, that could affect his identity.
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  #6  
July 15th, 2006, 01:02 PM
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*puts on protective, flame-retandent clothing*
My son is 3 and we have started a collection of boy-appropriate dress up clothes (policeman, knight, army man, etc.) because he loves playing make-believe and his only options were our daughters sparkly princess dress up clothes. My husband and I decided that it was time to teach him that boys wear boy clothes and girls wear girl clothes, and that includes when playing dress up. I do not think that it is in any way appropriate to encourage a 9-year-old boy to dress like a girl.

But, at the same time, I can't believe that that woman would even be allowed to have foster kids, seeing as she is a prostitute. If I knew her, I would be on the phone to CPS so fast it would make your head spin.
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  #7  
July 15th, 2006, 01:14 PM
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I already put a reply in the other forum but if this is how he chooses to dress, who he chooses to be, then I see no problem with it. Someone very close to me was dressing as early as that, his parents found out and threatened to disown him if they ever found out he was dressing again when he was 11 years old! He is a wonderful person, married with children but from time to time enjoys dressing feminine. It is not a lifestyle choice but for years he got a lot of crap from his family and suffered severe depression as a result of this. Since he was a child, he has never had a close relationship with his parents and that is sad, all because they didn't agree with the choice he made. I found resources for him on the internet to present to his parents saying just because someone dresses TG, they are not necessarily gay. Here is a link to back it up: The real truth about crossdressing

As far as the prostitution, that is something you should call CPS about. She is putting herself and those children at a great risk!
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  #8  
July 15th, 2006, 01:57 PM
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I let my son wear nail polish (usually blue, black or red just like his dad), and Skirts (black, usually heavy meterial, Just like his dad) and CHAP STICK. Nether wear there skirts often and only in the house. However skirts or "one legged pants" are becoming more popular. As for the nail polish they both wear it out often. I see nothing wrong with having more unigender clothing and If it continues as he gets older I will have to make his clothing. However there are things this parent is not thinking about: Judging from his past he could be just acting out his past abuse ( by making himself a target), Friends are very importent to children not being socailly accepted can hurt the child, How other adults treat him is also importent. I think a lot of this could be countered by a little care in color/style chooses and creating school and home cloths. The only thing that I worry about is if s/he is doing this for self-harm purposes.
As for the Prostitution if it is leagel in the state there is nothing wrong with her having that as a career (acorrding to law) if it's not then call CPS. If the only part of her parenting you see is on healthly is that then there's no reason to worry. If abuse/neglect are occuring then you should call CPS.
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  #9  
July 15th, 2006, 02:04 PM
chlodoll
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I think in that situation she should allow him to do as he feels at home but at school he needs to dress appropriately for his own sake. Once her gets a bit older he can decide on his dress at schooland face whatever consequences there may be. If he feels comfortable in dresses and girls stuff then thats who he is. It might be a phase or it might be forever. I dont think it should be discouraged , it should only be when regarding saftey.

ETA - I think onc ehe is in highschool he can wear what he wants.

I saw a show about something similar and there 8 year old boy felt he was a girl. He liked to dress up, wear make up, play barbies, do dance, and when you asked him if he was a boy or a girl he would say it didnt matter. He came from a mormon family and his parents actually got a divorce because of this. The Dad couldnt take it that his son was "gay" or whatever. I think it shows that people dont choose to be homosexaul/transexual etc. They are born this way and they need to be able to be themselves.
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  #10  
July 15th, 2006, 06:17 PM
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oh my goodness I dont even know what I would do in that situation. If my son as a grown adult or even as a teen decided to dress up as a woman and really enjoyed that, I would be supportive and do my best to not judge him. I want my son to be who he truly is and not be afraid ever of what his parents may think, but at the same time, if he was just 9 years old... I dont know. I wouldnt let him go to school like that and get made fun of, thats for sure. But at the same time, I wouldnt want to teach him that he should feel ashamed either. Thats a really difficult situation. If he has had emotional problems in the past is he seeing a therapist? I think I would take my son to see someone becuase I am not qualified in these matters.
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  #11  
July 15th, 2006, 07:49 PM
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OK, well this is a little embarrising but..
When I was a little girl, about 8 or 9, I wanted to be a boy...it has alot to do with, I think, a traumatic event in my childhood. I refused to wear ANYTHING remotely girly, I always wanted boys clothes, but my mother refused to buy them for me so I wore girls clothes that looked like boys clothes instead. I had short hair, so short it was actually buzzed at the bottom, and I wore one earring. I had a jacket that I bought at the salvation army with "Christopher"embroidered on it and made everyone call me that. I even went as far as to stuff my underwear to give the appearence of a penis (AHH this is so embarrasing!! ) My poor parents must have thought I was going to grow up to be a transexual, but you know what? They let me do it, they let me express myself. I went to school like that and everything, and I was made fun of terribly, but I didn't care what anyone thought. Eventually, I grew out of it...Now, I'm one of the girlies girls you will ever meet, makeup, nails always manicured, a shoe and purse w h o r e, the whole 9 yards. It was a stage, that's all, and I outgrew it on my own. I would say she should do the same thing.
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  #12  
July 15th, 2006, 08:09 PM
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I dont really know what I would do in this situation. Um, I have to say though that I was a HUGE tom-boy in school. I had hair that was maybe an inch long, a half an inch at it's shortest. I wore big baggy clothes and also tried to always shop in the boy's section. I hated the "girly girls" and would rather have been rough-housing with the boys and getting dirty and making messes and just acting like a boy. I even went so far once in high school, when I was at a friends house, to wrap my breasts in an ace bandage and put on a baseball cap really low and baggy pants and a couple t-shirts and we went out like that. I bet my friend that I could make people think I was a boy and I did. No one even knew the difference. NOW, however, I am a HUGE girly girl. Makeup everyday, long hair, form fitting clothes, cleavage, HEELS. I once told my mom that she would NEVER catch me in anything pink and now it is my favorite color. I even have a huge PINK tattoo!!
I dont know what I would do if my son (should I be blessed with one) decide he wanted to dress in women's clothing. I would probably let him do it at home, but I dont know if I would let him wear it to school. ONLY because I would be afraid of the torture he would have to endure there. I know its the school's responsibility to protect the children there, but I also know that doesnt always happen and I would feel the need to protect him all of the time. So..........oh I dont know!! LOL. I would have to say I would probably let him express himself as much as possible as long as it didnt get to the point of causing him harm.


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  #13  
July 17th, 2006, 09:59 AM
Saigon's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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If she is a prostitute, how did she ever become a foster mother/ adoptive parent?

You know my thoughts on his dress.
And I agree with Kitt. Yes you are an adult, but your lifestyle isnt something others would approve of, how would you feel if people were telling you how to act? Just because someone is of legal age, doesn't mean they are mature. (no I am not saying YOU are immature) So that would mean, some people that are not of age are more mature...

If a girl decided to dress "like a boy" she would be seen as defeating the social norms,breaking free from the bounds of our gender restrictions. Yet it is a double standard for men.

What deems gender appropriate? Brandon has some jumpers that could be unisex and will walk around in my heels. And Sami will wear some of Brandon's old onesies that are red and blue.

Am i "corrupting" my children by allowing them to dress in the opposite sex's clothing?

I don't think so, its just clothing!

As far as being teased, etc....kids will ALWAYS find a reason to tease another child. If not for the way he dresses, then for the fact he is adopted, or any other reason.

I think we need to forget about the problems of dress and focus on getting hate out of our schools. THAT is the big issue here
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  #14  
July 17th, 2006, 10:02 AM
mrobinson
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I think we need to .....focus on getting hate out of our schools. THAT is the big issue here[/b]
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  #16  
July 18th, 2006, 08:23 PM
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I would have no problem telling my son he wasn't wearing a dress to school, just as my mom wouldn't let me wear a tutu. I don't think it is in his best interest at that age to be lacking understanding of social norm. I don't think we should teach our children to strive to fit a social norm, but they do need a healthy understanding of consequences of not following social norm so they can make an informed consent about what is worth it & what is not.

Wearing dresses doesn't make a girl anymore than standing in your garage makes you a car (borrowed that one ). So I would try to teach my child that clothing isn't how we express ourselves & that there are ways to express one's self more adequately.

That doesn't mean I would not allow it in my home, that I would shame a child, etc. I think it is something htat can be handled in a way to ease hte social issues it inflames for the child. We can work on hate in hte schools all we want (and we SHOULD be doing that) - but other children will always have certain things that makes them more likely to alienate a student that is different. It is something we can work to get rid of...but it is natural to be weary of what is different from you & in socially they study this behavior...the "us" and "them" so that we can feel more normal - we pick at the abnormal. I think there is no way of getting around this in today's world with a boy in a dress.
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