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  #1  
July 18th, 2006, 08:07 AM
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Join Date: May 2006
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I posted this in the religious debate, general spirituality and the LDS parenting forums.

Not really a debate, more a question. Okay my SO is LDS (Mormon) and I am not.. He is not practicing 100% right now (no drinking, smoking, etc, but obviously premarital sex). I was raised in the United Church. I have a string faith but it's more that I believe there is a higher power. I'm not sure which, if any religion, is right. maybe their all right. but that's not my question! We've decided that SO will take the baby to the LDS church. Mostly because I think some sort of faith and church community can be a good thing, and mine is rocky at best. I don't think I will take him/her to "my" church (even though there is family pressure to do so) as a small child. I would like to exposure him/her to various religions though but that wouldn't be until he/she is older and can understand more. I cannot see me converting to LDS anytime in the near future. Not because I don't believe Joseph Smith was a prophet (I'm not sure if he was or wasn't) but because of some of the moral beliefs (homosexuality, sex before marriage, etc are a sin). This is where things get sticky. I don't really mind the church telling my child that certain things are a sin AS LONG AS they don't judge, criticize, or restrict the human rights of these "sinners". (i.e, my SO things homosexuality is a sin, but accepts my gay brother and his right to live his life as her wants, because you condemn the sinner not the sin, kwim?). If my child asked me if I think "insert sin here" is a sin. I will tell them what I believe. I don't/won't criticize the church because I don't think it matters what you believe is right/wrong as long as you don't act on those beliefs (see above on judging, criticizing, etc). And obviously they will be exposed to my VERY LARGE family who are not Mormon, and our friends, also very few are Mormon. I think when they get older, if there were exposed to different views, religions, etc as a child they will decide what THEY believe despite what church they were raised in.

Anyway do you think this will work? My family dynamic was pretty much this. My mom raised us Christian and my dad was agnostic. Or do you see any potential hazards down the road? What are they? I want to address these things with SO before they some up.

Hopefully i explained it well.
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  #2  
July 18th, 2006, 08:34 AM
oicyur's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I think you have a very open mind, as well as your SO so I think you are off to a great start. If both of you can accept each other's beliefs and let your child be exposed to both religions unbiased and have the child choose for itself, then I think you're doing things the right way.

That being said (and I don't know if you've already done this or not so it;s just a suggestion) I think that both you and your SO should fully explore each other's religions and see if the two of you can find a religion that both of you can agree on. It is very possible to have an interfaith relationship. It happens all the time and things are just fine, but from my experience and things I've seen in my life, it is easier if the two of you belong to the same religion. If you've already fully explored each other's religions and still can't agree, that's fine. It will still work out in the end. But that's just my two cents. Good luck with everything!
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  #3  
July 18th, 2006, 08:35 AM
mrobinson
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(repeated post from the spirituality board:


Hi Sarah!

I think it will work.. Especially on the religious debates, I have been attrached to the faith because many of the faith (minus one or two) have been nothing more than open-minded and tolerant. I think because they have been denounced and so many people have misconceptions about their faith, they've learned how to handle conflict appropriately.. (That's a strength and credit to the faith, IMHO.) On the debate boards, their openness and tolerance to homosexuality is what drawn me to learn more.. I have a few mormon friends from here and one from the Distress Centre.. One of my favorite values of them is their belief to eat meat sparingly..

Any way I'm rambling...

I think as you are both open and aware of what your family values will be, your children will be blessed for it. Compassion and unconditional love for the human race is what we need more of..

Cheers, Michelle
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  #4  
July 18th, 2006, 08:52 AM
kadydid
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Me personally I wouldn’t send my child to a church that had completely opposite views as me.
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  #5  
July 18th, 2006, 09:34 AM
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Well, my mother is Jewish and my father Christian. They solved the problem by never taking us to church. We celebrated Christmas and Hanukkah. I went to a Catholic school, and then to the JCC (Jewish community center) after school...needless to say it was confusing! I eventually chose Christianity, but it had alot to do with the fact that my family pretty much abandoned Judiasm after my grandfather passed away. I think it is generally a good idea to expose your child to both faiths and let them decide for themselves what they believe...
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  #6  
July 18th, 2006, 09:36 AM
mrobinson
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Quote:
I think it is generally a good idea to expose your child to both faiths and let them decide for themselves what they believe...[/b]
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  #7  
July 18th, 2006, 10:39 AM
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I agree with the previous poster that you should find one faith for your family and stick with it. If religion is important to you at all--you want yourself and your children to attend church together, celebrate religious holidays, observe your religion in your home--that should be done on a "whole family" basis or not at all. Being "open-minded" about religion in general is one thing--having to be "open-minded" within your own home is another issue altogether. Blondie's situation is a good example-- growing up with "Jesus is the Son of God" on one side and "Jesus was a regular guy" on the other side. How you reconcile that?? I guess you have to pick, but most of the time children raised with that kind of confusion usually pick to believe NOTHING. When your child asks you "Was Joseph Smith really a prophet?" what are you going to say--"I don't know." or "Maybe." or "Nobody really knows, despite what they've been telling you at church."

I know you already have a baby on the way, so it's a little late for some pieces of advice, but if religion is NOT important to you and also NOT important to your boyfriend, then your relationship will probably work out fine. I'm not sure exactly how old you both are, but I think you're pretty young. Most people in their early 20's aren't really "practicing" any religion, but as they get older, have children, etc., that becomes more important. Knowing what I know about LDS, their religion is more than just a "faith," it's a lifestyle and you pretty much have to accept it all or nothing.

I really don't know what advice to give you at this point, except to be aware that problems may arise down the road.
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  #8  
July 18th, 2006, 10:59 AM
Lash's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: North Texas
Posts: 17,716
Quote:
I agree with the previous poster that you should find one faith for your family and stick with it. If religion is important to you at all--you want yourself and your children to attend church together, celebrate religious holidays, observe your religion in your home--that should be done on a "whole family" basis or not at all. Being "open-minded" about religion in general is one thing--having to be "open-minded" within your own home is another issue altogether. Blondie's situation is a good example-- growing up with "Jesus is the Son of God" on one side and "Jesus was a regular guy" on the other side. How you reconcile that?? I guess you have to pick, but most of the time children raised with that kind of confusion usually pick to believe NOTHING. When your child asks you "Was Joseph Smith really a prophet?" what are you going to say--"I don't know." or "Maybe." or "Nobody really knows, despite what they've been telling you at church."

I know you already have a baby on the way, so it's a little late for some pieces of advice, but if religion is NOT important to you and also NOT important to your boyfriend, then your relationship will probably work out fine. I'm not sure exactly how old you both are, but I think you're pretty young. Most people in their early 20's aren't really "practicing" any religion, but as they get older, have children, etc., that becomes more important. Knowing what I know about LDS, their religion is more than just a "faith," it's a lifestyle and you pretty much have to accept it all or nothing.

I really don't know what advice to give you at this point, except to be aware that problems may arise down the road.[/b]
I agree that it might be hard as the mother when the children will have questions. you might have to establish in your household that the father is the religious leader and he is the one to answer all questions. and i also agree that the LDS faith is a lifestyle that is lived daily. i'm not LDS but i do agree that following that faith is a daily indepth type of belief system as opposed to one possiblymore "laid back" really bad choice of word, i can't think of another.
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  #9  
July 18th, 2006, 11:06 AM
mrobinson
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Hmm.. I wonder if the word is tolerant? (I know, I know, it's not supposed to be a debate.. I couldn't resist.)
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  #10  
July 18th, 2006, 11:40 AM
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Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 5,120
Quote:
I agree with the previous poster that you should find one faith for your family and stick with it. If religion is important to you at all--you want yourself and your children to attend church together, celebrate religious holidays, observe your religion in your home--that should be done on a "whole family" basis or not at all. Being "open-minded" about religion in general is one thing--having to be "open-minded" within your own home is another issue altogether. Blondie's situation is a good example-- growing up with "Jesus is the Son of God" on one side and "Jesus was a regular guy" on the other side. How you reconcile that?? I guess you have to pick, but most of the time children raised with that kind of confusion usually pick to believe NOTHING. When your child asks you "Was Joseph Smith really a prophet?" what are you going to say--"I don't know." or "Maybe." or "Nobody really knows, despite what they've been telling you at church."

I know you already have a baby on the way, so it's a little late for some pieces of advice, but if religion is NOT important to you and also NOT important to your boyfriend, then your relationship will probably work out fine. I'm not sure exactly how old you both are, but I think you're pretty young. Most people in their early 20's aren't really "practicing" any religion, but as they get older, have children, etc., that becomes more important. Knowing what I know about LDS, their religion is more than just a "faith," it's a lifestyle and you pretty much have to accept it all or nothing.

I really don't know what advice to give you at this point, except to be aware that problems may arise down the road.[/b]
I agree to an extent, as I mention it was confusing growing up, and their were times I wished that there was a clear cut belief for me to follow...but at the same time it also gave me an open mind. Because of the way I was raised, I don't see one faith as being superior to another. I think what I believe is what I believe, and what you believe is what you believe-to each their own. Spirituality is not genetic-it shouldn't necessarily be passed down from generation to generation. It is an individual choice, and should be an individual path to explore. I see religion dividing people so much-it divides families, it divides nations, it causes bloodshed and heartbreak, maybe if more families were diversified, if the idea that the path to spiritual awakeness is an individual one, we would see a lot less of that.
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  #11  
July 18th, 2006, 01:22 PM
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 5,109
Thanks ladies...

To answer a few questions above:

We are in mid (me) to late (him) twenties

He is religious. I have "faith". To me which religion you practice doesn't matter, its more of a community and support thing.

If asked if Joespeh Smith was a prophet my answer will be I don't know! At least that's what it would be right now.

I know LDS is a lifestyle. And though its not what I'm used to I am willing to compromise. I.e, I agreed to no alcohol in the house. Yeah I do like a drink but I don't need one, so this is a not a big deal to me. My SO compromised on things that are improtant to me. No beef/pork (he eats it, I don't, the baby won't). No ear piercing for babies (he's latino, seems like they all do it), etc. I think if the church was preaching extremes, or wasn't accepting of 'sinners' things would change. One thing I like about the LDS church is you are not baptised until you are 8 (which is still too young but at least it's not an infant).

I guess I'm just hoping that being raised in one faith, ANY faith, my child will later ask questions and choose a faith that suites them instead of going through life not thinking about it at all. And at least the United Church and LDS Church agree on Jesus.

On a side note: My mother was always of the opinion that being gay was "wrong", (I NEVER thought that, we used to argure about it) Of course when my brother came out she accpted him, seeing his struggle even changed her mind.
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  #12  
July 18th, 2006, 02:03 PM
mrobinson
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Quote:
On a side note: My mother was always of the opinion that being gay was "wrong", (I NEVER thought that, we used to argure about it) Of course when my brother came out she accpted him, seeing his struggle even changed her mind.[/b]
That's unfortunate but not uncommon.. My family is homophobic too.. Sad really.
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  #13  
July 18th, 2006, 10:54 PM
chlodoll
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I guess that I am part of an interfaith relationship. I am at best agnostic (trying to wrap my head around everything) and DH is muslim. Since I dont have a strong faith and more of a belief in good we have decided to raise our children muslim. I myself have made personal sacrifices for my DH's faith like no alcohol, no pork etc but these things are pretty surface and I dont mind not eating bolgona lol DH has also made some compromise with my beliefs. Its pretty common (though not nesscary) for muslims to circumcise but I refused and DH is fine with that. I think in the end people will decide what they believe on their own. We will raise our children muslim but as they get older if they dont believe it thats fine. I wont encourage them not to.

I think its best just to dicuss everything before your baby is born or when they are still little. There will have to be some compromise and it probably best to get it out of the way now.
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