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Should They Be Included In The Yearbook?

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October 13th, 2012, 12:39 PM
Tammyjh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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H.S. Yearbook Won’t Include Student’s Baby, Suicide Victim « CBS Minnesota

Should a memorial page for a student who committed suicide be included?

Or how about the children of teen moms (a senior pic of mom with her baby/child)?
Tammy, Mom to
Abby (19), Kacie (13), Chase (11), & Jacob (7)

"...They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!" ~ Bobby ~ Supernatural
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October 13th, 2012, 05:07 PM
Frackel's Avatar DOh!
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I read this story the other day, or at least stories about it.

The suicide victim, that one actually pisses me off. Was that student NOT a student? Seriously? I'm not really sure I can elaborate on why it pisses me off, without getting more pissed off, if that makes any sense. One of the other stories I read they wanted to exclude any and all pictures of this boy, because they didn't want to come across as if they were "celebrating suicide". I'm not sure which site that was on, I'll have to look.

I have yearbooks with students who didn't stick around for the whole year. I have yearbooks with students who later passed away, or passed away during the school year. I have a yearbook with a student who committed suicide during the year. That yearbook has a memorial page in it. I don't look at her pic and think the school was somehow "celebrating suicide". What kind of effed up logic is that ****? Honestly now. What kind of screwed up would someone have to be to actually "celebrate" that. If anything per picture serves as a reminder of who she was, and who she remains(in memory) to those who knew her. She was a sweet, intelligent, beautiful, once very confident, devoted friend, willing to lend a hand to anyone in need. She had demons, sure. Who doesn't? Yes she made a choice, a choice I have very strong feelings about(which I will not share for my own sake), and one I don't agree with making. But that doesn't change what, and who she was before she made that choice. The reason her picture is in the yearbook is because she WAS A STUDENT. People loved, and still love, her. People wanted to memorialize her, and they did. I am sure the school, the yearbook committee, editors, etc... had a difficult time deciding exactly HOW to memorialize her. But not doing so? No, that was never on the table, at all. They've, unfortunately, had many memorial pages over the years. I cannot picture them ever NOT doing so, if there was call for it.
It's not a page for celebration of death, or somehow making suicide seem like a "good" thing. It pisses me off that they're looking at it from that angle at all. It's a page to celebrate this boy's LIFE and remind people that kids struggle too. Kids can, and do, have a rough time with life, for a myriad of reasons. This page would be a way to not only help some grieve(because it would), but also help spread awareness that suicide is not the answer(this is my personal belief).

I do understand the not wanting teen moms to have their kids in the pics with them. The ONLY reason I say that is because most schools have rules that it's "student only" portraits allowed. So that would exclude ANYONE from being in the pic with them. It's nothing against being a teen mom, I don't think. By making a blanket exclusion of ALL people, they avoid the awkwardness of having to explain why they can't, and won't, include ANYONE in a student's portrait.
I have personally never had a yearbook that allowed people to be in the pic with the student, senior or not. The only thing I have seen is the exception of pets/animals, but never people. So I don't know what there is to get up in arms about, with that one. Sure the girl should be proud of her accomplishments. She should feel wonderful that despite making choices she probably wasn't ready for, she persisted and did what she thought was best. She shouldn't expect others to praise her for every decision, but I am sure it's nice to know others support her, and commend her for making what could have been a very difficult thing and finding the best way to get through it. She stayed in school, when far too many choose not to. But just because she made some good choices doesn't mean she gets to break policy. It's kind of stupid to expect that you can, imo.
I was pregnant when I graduated myself, not that it much matters. But had my dd been born before I had my senior pics taken, I wouldn't have put her in my yearbook either. She wasn't the one attending school, I was. (unless you count being in my womb )

It's funny to see the school now say they didn't get a chance to react, or think(the original stories I saw, they never said this, just that this sets a precedent for them). Sure they did, at least somewhat. They gave answers to reporters. If you're not prepared to speak, then say nothing, don't say something you'll later have to retract-and KNOW you'll have to retract.
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October 13th, 2012, 08:20 PM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I'm ok with excluding people's kids from the photos. I don't think if the baby ends up in a candid the photo should be excluded though.. just not in the head shots.

The suicide one... that one makes me mad. I think it should be allowed. While a memorial should be left up to the student body, the kids picture should be left in the book.
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October 13th, 2012, 09:00 PM
Frackel's Avatar DOh!
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You know, if I were the parent of the boy they want to exclude, I'd feel like ***** slapping someone. Talk about turning something tragic into something even MORE tragic. As if the family, loved ones, friends, students and even community weren't already suffering. This, despite my feelings on suicide, is just not right. I can't honestly understand where in the hell their mindset comes from.

I do understand not knowing how to handle something, because you want to handle it with CARE. But from the sounds of it, that's not what they're doing. It's a total CYOA and "not our problem". I am 100% NOT for that. Yeah, it's a touchy subject, it's rough, it's raw, it's going to bring out emotions, it's going to make people think, it's going to make people remember, it's going to bring about all kinds of things...good and bad. What it won't do, is CELEBRATE HIS DEATH. Yeah all caps, it pisses me off that much.

This might be because I grew up in a really small town, population about 1500. My graduating class was only 40 kids(and only 35 actually graduated, well, walked with us anyway). My hometown dealt with things much in the same way a family would. I realize schools with a lot more students have so much more to deal with than we did. But our small size did not exclude us from everything else every other district dealt with(and it still doesn't). I can't imagine them treating something like this in such a callous manner. It just flat out seems cruel

Hell, I hate this school district I live in now. My kids don't even attend it. But even THEY wouldn't do this. And they're currently under a huge amount of scrutiny and in serious jeopardy of being shut down if they don't clean up their act. That right there speaks volumes to me. If these boneheads here can have even a modicum of heart, and think about others, there is absolutely no reason why people claiming to can't too.

I probably shouldn't reply on this subject anymore. It's actually been bothering me for days now. I don't know the boy, his family, his friends, or anything, and it hurts me to think about it. I can't even imagine their pain.
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October 14th, 2012, 06:35 AM
Tammyjh's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree. I have no problems whatsoever with a memorial page for the student who committed suicide and applaud the students who have started a petition to have it included.

As far as the teen mom and her child, I don't think the child should be included in the picture. Its mom who is the graduating senior, not the child.
Tammy, Mom to
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October 14th, 2012, 07:34 AM
Frozenoj's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I agree with pretty much everyone else. In the baby is caught in a candid shot that would have been included if the baby hadn't been there, don't exclude it just for that. But they don't need to purposely add a candid shot nor should the baby be in the mother's head shot. The baby doesn't go to school there!

I'm a bit confused about the suicide. If he died in January, why wasn't he included in last year's year book? Was it too late to change it or something? I don't remember getting our yearbooks until at least a month before the end of school so I'd think they could have put in a rushed change or something. I can kind of understand why they don't want to include him in the year's since he didn't go there at all this school year. I do think they should include a memorial page if for some reason they just couldn't, rather than didn't, do one last year.

Another option is for perhaps the students to purchase an ad page. I know in our yearbooks basically anyone could purchase like a sponsorship page and include baby photos or a shout out to a relative graduating or whatever. Letters from parents and stuff like that. I can't see why they wouldn't be allowed to purchase a page like that for either the memorial or the teen mom if she wanted. I don't think they should have to pay for the memorial, but it's an option if the school refuses.

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October 14th, 2012, 12:24 PM
MzzMommaD's Avatar Sibe Momma
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What my highschool did when students had kids, for example, seniors buy their own whole page and can put what ever they want on it. THERE they should be able to include their child(ren) if they choose. However for their actual PHOTO i wouldnt want or encourage that. But it never bothered me if they had their baby in the photos.
As for the suicide case, I would probably sue a school if they denied my child to be in the year book because of a suicide. Its a remembrance of a classmate and friend, a yearbook is to serve for memories, even if they arent all happy.

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October 14th, 2012, 03:18 PM
K.A.T's Avatar Enjoying her Sticky Bun
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Graduating head shot should be of teen alone. Not teen and child.

As for the suicide, that's f'd up. He would have been graduating too, he should be included. What if one of the reasons he committed suicide is because he was bullied? He should be remembered, period!

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October 14th, 2012, 04:28 PM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Yes the teen who commited suicide should be in there, and I'm really suprised it isn't being allowed. We had 2 suicides in my town and their pictures were included.

I also went to a school that had a lot of teen moms (not all the moms were from the same town, it was a school that had a teen mom program in it so they came from other cities) and they always had pictures of their babies in them. Granted the school also had a free daycare as long as mom attended her classes. I see no reason why that shouldn't be allowed either, I guess I don't see it as a big deal.
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October 14th, 2012, 07:11 PM
Frackel's Avatar DOh!
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I wouldn't see the teen moms thing as a big deal either, but if it's policy then it's policy. If they didn't have a policy about students needing to be alone in the photos, then it would be a non-issue. Although, as it stands, I still think it's a non-issue, but in the other direction.

The other boy, there is no policy in place, it's just flat out wrong. How they're going about it is even more wrong.

I think if the yearbook allows for people to purchase a page that might be a good alternative, in both situations. But I can honestly say, no school around here, and neither school that I graduated from(I graduated from two my senior year) allowed for something like that. There isn't the possibility of a sponsorship type page or anything like that. In fact what went into the yearbook(other than senior portraits and their baby pics) was chosen entirely by yearbook staff comprised of students and one or two teachers.
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November 2nd, 2012, 12:21 PM
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I don't see the need for the kid to be in the picture. It's about her graduating not about her being a mom. Other kids could argue that they should be allowed to have their dog, cat, gerbil, fish, etc in their picture.

There definitately should be a memorial page for the suicide victim. I bet if a student had been killed in a car accident or had died from cancer, they would have a memorial page.

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