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  #2  
July 25th, 2006, 09:40 AM
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My kids would cease to attend a school where conversations with parents, teachers and administration did not solve a bullying problem. To me, that demonstrates an inability to keep their students safe.

And we don't allow hitting (when they get older they will learn when self defense is necessary- school bullies rarely fit this description).
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  #3  
July 25th, 2006, 10:04 AM
mrobinson
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Quote:
My kids would cease to attend a school where conversations with parents, teachers and administration did not solve a bullying problem. To me, that demonstrates an inability to keep their students safe.

And we don't allow hitting (when they get older they will learn when self defense is necessary- school bullies rarely fit this description).[/b]
You said it better than I ever could.
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  #4  
July 25th, 2006, 10:06 AM
kadydid
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IMO I think it depends on the age of the child. When we first moved here both of my older kids had an issue with this at one point or another. When it first happened I called the school and talked to the teacher, and the other child got in trouble. The next time (same kids) the kid got caught and he got into trouble. The school has a no tolerance policy so if they catch them they get suspended, and he did. Before the next time happened we decided to go another route, and allowed our son to choose for himself he if defended himself. We warned him that he might get into trouble with the school, but for defending himself, he would not get into trouble with us. So that is what he did, and I fully support my Childs right to knock the crap out of someone who is constantly hurting them. He told the principle the whole truth and did get into some trouble but then the principle called me after all the dealings were over and told me that he could not tolerate hitting on school grounds but was proud of Joshua for being honest and up front about the whole thing, he had a lot of respect for the way he handled it and took his punishment.

The ages of the kids in the story were in the 4th grade. I think you have to go case by case and age appropriate. Of course we donít want our kids to fight, but we also donít want them to be afraid to fight when it comes to defending their own bodies.
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  #6  
July 25th, 2006, 10:12 AM
kadydid
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Quote:
Quote:
IMO I think it depends on the age of the child. When we first moved here both of my older kids had an issue with this at one point or another. When it first happened I called the school and talked to the teacher, and the other child got in trouble. The next time (same kids) the kid got caught and he got into trouble. The school has a no tolerance policy so if they catch them they get suspended, and he did. Before the next time happened we decided to go another route, and allowed our son to choose for himself he if defended himself. We warned him that he might get into trouble with the school, but for defending himself, he would not get into trouble with us. So that is what he did, and I fully support my Childs right to knock the crap out of someone who is constantly hurting them. He told the principle the whole truth and did get into some trouble but then the principle called me after all the dealings were over and told me that he could not tolerate hitting on school grounds but was proud of Joshua for being honest and up front about the whole thing, he had a lot of respect for the way he handled it and took his punishment.

The ages of the kids in the story were in the 4th grade. I think you have to go case by case and age appropriate. Of course we donít want our kids to fight, but we also donít want them to be afraid to fight when it comes to defending their own bodies.[/b]

I agree!
[/b]
Are you dealing with this right now?
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  #8  
July 25th, 2006, 10:18 AM
mrobinson
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<div class=\'quotetop\'>QUOTE(kadydid @ Jul 25 2006, 11:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}></div><div class=\'quotemain\'>IMO I think it depends on the age of the child. When we first moved here both of my older kids had an issue with this at one point or another. When it first happened I called the school and talked to the teacher, and the other child got in trouble. The next time (same kids) the kid got caught and he got into trouble. The school has a no tolerance policy so if they catch them they get suspended, and he did. Before the next time happened we decided to go another route, and allowed our son to choose for himself he if defended himself. We warned him that he might get into trouble with the school, but for defending himself, he would not get into trouble with us. So that is what he did, and I fully support my Childs right to knock the crap out of someone who is constantly hurting them. He told the principle the whole truth and did get into some trouble but then the principle called me after all the dealings were over and told me that he could not tolerate hitting on school grounds but was proud of Joshua for being honest and up front about the whole thing, he had a lot of respect for the way he handled it and took his punishment.

The ages of the kids in the story were in the 4th grade. I think you have to go case by case and age appropriate. Of course we donít want our kids to fight, but we also donít want them to be afraid to fight when it comes to defending their own bodies.[/b][/quote]

I respect how you dealt with this.. I don't have kids so it's hard for me to know if I would have dealt with it any differently.

I know of a girl (16) who was being attacked by a gang on the way home from school daily.. She had to move. There were no charges or school suspensions to deal with it.. I don't know to this day how I would have handled it differently..

I know my DH and I hope our kids will enjoy martial arts.. We plan in enrolling them into it (as well as swimming.) I'm hoping my kids will make the right decisions when faced in any type of senerio.. If they have my temper, I'll be more worried they learn to control it.
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  #9  
July 25th, 2006, 10:22 AM
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There are some public schools who have a "no kicking out" policy (well, they do have one...but the thing is that the district becomes responsible for paying for the education of any child they kick out ). I taught at one of these for a while but just had to leave because I couldn't take the non-action anymore...I wanted to pay to get some of these kids out!! They had counciling, punishments, special classes, conferences, suspensions and no change in the kid yet they continued to let them in the doors so that they could be violent towards other students! I don't think I could send my kid to a "no kicking out" policy school in the future!
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  #10  
July 25th, 2006, 10:44 AM
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We will first encourage our children to talk to a teacher or other adult at school. I know sometimes they just brush it off as "oh they're just playing around" and do nothing about it. If that's the case, or if they do something and the bully still doesn't stop, then we will encourage them to defend themselves. I don't think it's right that they should have to suffer in silence if they've already tried the reasonable resolution first. JMO.
Amanda
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  #11  
July 25th, 2006, 10:53 AM
mrobinson
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There has to be a point where there are different solutions.. If the child and circumstances are equal to moving schools, would you be open to that over teaching them it's ok to fight? A bully usually only has to be hit once but there are more kids who are way out of control.. I think we need to teach our kids to try anything but fight. How to avoid the situation to start, etc..

As the original poster asked about after taking it to school officials, and they're policies can't keep a child safe, then I would move my family.
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  #12  
July 25th, 2006, 11:17 AM
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I think that trying all the reasonable resolutions first is best, but what if you aren't able to just move to another school? For example, I grew up in a town where there was only one school so what do you do then?
Amanda
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  #13  
July 25th, 2006, 11:19 AM
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If the only school in town was unsafe for my kids, we'd be moving. But totally understandable that others have different opinions on that. We'd, of course, attempt strong pressure on administration first.
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  #14  
July 25th, 2006, 11:56 AM
kadydid
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I know of a girl (16) who was being attacked by a gang on the way home from school daily.. She had to move. There were no charges or school suspensions to deal with it.. I don't know to this day how I would have handled it differently..[/b]
Thatís scary, I would call the police. I canít imagine living in a place like that. What if you couldnít afford to change the situation (ie move, switch schools) Thatís terrible.
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  #15  
July 25th, 2006, 12:02 PM
Ashes78
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IMO I think it depends on the age of the child. When we first moved here both of my older kids had an issue with this at one point or another. When it first happened I called the school and talked to the teacher, and the other child got in trouble. The next time (same kids) the kid got caught and he got into trouble. The school has a no tolerance policy so if they catch them they get suspended, and he did. Before the next time happened we decided to go another route, and allowed our son to choose for himself he if defended himself. We warned him that he might get into trouble with the school, but for defending himself, he would not get into trouble with us. So that is what he did, and I fully support my Childs right to knock the crap out of someone who is constantly hurting them. He told the principle the whole truth and did get into some trouble but then the principle called me after all the dealings were over and told me that he could not tolerate hitting on school grounds but was proud of Joshua for being honest and up front about the whole thing, he had a lot of respect for the way he handled it and took his punishment.

The ages of the kids in the story were in the 4th grade. I think you have to go case by case and age appropriate. Of course we donít want our kids to fight, but we also donít want them to be afraid to fight when it comes to defending their own bodies.[/b]
ITA! My son had one little boy who kept picking on him at school. The teachers had been told and the kid would get punished but he would still continue to do it. The boy started pushing on Zach one day and Zach decided he had finally had enough and he fought back. The little boy has not bothered him since. I think a lot of the time, the bullies do it because they think that particular child won't fight back.
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  #16  
July 25th, 2006, 12:05 PM
mrobinson
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Quote:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE
Quote:
I know of a girl (16) who was being attacked by a gang on the way home from school daily.. She had to move. There were no charges or school suspensions to deal with it.. I don't know to this day how I would have handled it differently..[/b]
Thatís scary, I would call the police. I canít imagine living in a place like that. What if you couldnít afford to change the situation (ie move, switch schools) Thatís terrible.
[/b][/quote]

You know if the police and school can't do anything, I think it's worth going into debt and moving.. As a parent, my main focus would be my child's safety. If the other child is already that unstable that, who's to say to what lengths they'll go.. I don't want my child to join a gang in order to feel safe. I think it's avoidable by moving on.
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  #17  
July 25th, 2006, 12:40 PM
Mom2DavidandAaron's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I do teach my child to defend himslef. I told him that when they call him names, he should fight back with words but if someone hits him, he should defend himself. But my son is sooooooo kind it's just not in his nature to hit. I won't force him to it, but I continue to tell him that he should defend himself.

Sharon
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  #19  
July 25th, 2006, 01:00 PM
mommywannabe's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Indiana
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I will advise my child to defend him/herself. Of course, going to a teacher or adult would be the best thing at first. But if it continues, I would probably be more upset if he/she just stood there and took it rather than fighting back. My dad always told me......never start a fight and never throw the first punch, but if someone starts with you, you finish it! I have never gotten into an actual fist fight, but just the fact of showing the person that you will fight back is most of the time enough to get them to back down and leave you alone. I do not condone violence, but I also dont think its right to just lay down and take it. I will be enrolling my children (if they want) into some sort of self defense class as soon as they can go like my parents did and hopefully that will help them feel more confident should they be faced with a situation where they need it.



casey
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  #20  
July 25th, 2006, 01:12 PM
mrobinson
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I think moving is a bit much. That costs money and some do not have that luxury to do so. What do you do then? I think that anyone has the right to defend themselves at any age especially if being abused.[/b]
I don't think having a school district that won't do anything is in the best interest of the child. People leave worn-torn countries for a reason.. If a parent can't take out a loan to move, then move the child with family until they can. If we teach our kids to fight, it's no wonder why gangs and wars start.. Right now Lebanon is in chaos because they are "defending" themselves..
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