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Should grandparents be responsible....


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  #2  
July 27th, 2006, 11:46 AM
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I think that the parents should be fully responsible. The grandparents don't have any say in the decision to have grandchildren--so they shouldn't be responsible for helping out.

Although--ethically I think it is a nice thing for them to do.
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  #4  
July 27th, 2006, 12:11 PM
Boxerlove1's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Its a nice gesture... but no. They shouldn't feel obligated
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  #5  
July 27th, 2006, 12:13 PM
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  #6  
July 27th, 2006, 12:17 PM
mrobinson
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Quote:
I think that the parents should be fully responsible. The grandparents don't have any say in the decision to have grandchildren--so they shouldn't be responsible for helping out.

Although--ethically I think it is a nice thing for them to do.[/b]
Nobody should be responsible other than the actual parents. If one parent needs a break then the other parent should take over. Most grandparents want to help out at some point and that is nice but I don't think it should ever be their responsibility.
[/b]


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  #7  
July 27th, 2006, 12:48 PM
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I think the parents are and should be responsible 100%. Then again, I also don't believe in "grandparents rights".
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  #8  
July 27th, 2006, 02:56 PM
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Ditto Ditto Ditto and Ditto LOL!
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  #9  
July 27th, 2006, 05:41 PM
CJMOM209
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I don't think that they should be responsible. However, I think most grandparents are more than willing to help out and buy stuff for the grandkids!
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  #10  
July 27th, 2006, 05:58 PM
Tanya G's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Nope I see no way in which they are at all obligated. But at the same time, if you are desperate for help, having a rough time and ask them for help and they refuse... well I dont think they are being a very good parent to you or a very good grandparent. My mom has only watched Cohen for about an hour once and that was it, but thats because I am not the type of person to ask. As many of the other posters have said, I feel my son is MY responsibility. But if I did ask and was desperate, and my parents said no, I would be pretty upset with them.
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  #11  
July 27th, 2006, 06:07 PM
Mom2DavidandAaron's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Should they be responsible to help out once in awhile for you to have a break? Or should you be fully responsible because you decided to have the child/children?[/b]
I don't think they should be responsible, but it's nice that they do. My mom and mil help me out whenever I need it and although I appreciate it very much, I don't think it's something they have to do. My children are my responsibility even if sometimes it's nice to have a break.

Sharon
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  #12  
July 27th, 2006, 07:13 PM
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I'm going to break the trend here and say it depends.

If you have the kind of family where you have several generations living in one house, or younger generations financially supporting older ones than yes I think they are obligated to help.
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  #13  
July 27th, 2006, 08:54 PM
Chunky Monkey's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My IL's do help out but that is because that's what they want to do. They love their grandchildren, all 6 of them and will even call me to complain that I don't have her babysit very often...only on mine or DH's birthday, our wedding anniversary o& my DH's formal company Christmas party and maybe 1-2 other times in the year.

If the grandparent is not close to the grandchildren for whatever reason, then I don't think they are obligated. It is just a choice of the grandparents.
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  #14  
July 27th, 2006, 11:00 PM
irishxrose
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I say it depends and this is why - this is my situation. I live with my parents because Joshua was unplanned and I am young. I also have a mental illness. DF does not live with me, and works night shifts at a security company. Am I to be expected that it is all ME taking care of my son, every day and every night until Jason has a night off? I am to feed Joshua, change him, take care of him for 24 hours straight for several days even though I live in the same house as my parents and they are always there to help? I have an illness that sometimes breaks through, and I do need a break every day; because if I don't, I get frustrated and I put my son and myself at risk. Since DF does not live with me; I can't just go to him and say please, take Joshua so I can get an hour to myself. It doesn't work that way in my life. My parents take him for two hours at night so I can rest, and give my mind a chance to cool down. DF helps me on his nights off.

My point is that you can't just say that for every single situation that it is completely a parent's responsiblity. For me, I have an illness that can break through my medication, and I have several other factors coming into play. For me, I would go crazy if I had to take care of Joshua 24/7 with no time to myself. I don't force my child on my parents. They know my illness, we've dealt with it since I was a child. I don't want to put my child at risk; and they know that. Plus they love Joshua so much, and enjoy the time with him.

Anyways; every situation is different and I am not the one to look down on them for relying on the grandparents to help; because I have and still am going through it myself.
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  #15  
July 28th, 2006, 02:06 AM
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I guess not. Well I can see wanting a break from the kids. That's ok. We all need a break from our kids on occasion. Grandparenents should not be obligated to help out. It's their choice to do so.
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  #16  
July 28th, 2006, 02:10 AM
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I personally think if you're going to make the choice to keep your child, then it's your responsibility to take care of him or her. I sure wouldn't want Julia's grandparents (my inlaws, OR my parents) to think they have a fair say in the way we raise her, so that in turn means no obligation (which is null and void anyway, since we live literally across the country).

I don't think the grandparents should feel obligated - but I don't know many grandparents who *wouldn't* take their grandchild for a couple of hours!
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  #17  
July 28th, 2006, 12:31 PM
Colee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think that only the parents should be TRULY responsible for their children..after all they are the ones that decided top have children,not the Grandparents(well,with you they have..but not the GC). However,some families have situations and reasons for Grandparents watching the child...myself for instince...I am chronically ill...my Mother knows this. She took an early retirement to help me out with my children. She helps me...not that she comes and takes my children..she doesnt. However,she helps me with errands and if I need 10 mintues to myself because I dont feel good. No,it isnt her responsiblity...but this is what she chooses to do to help me out. I have never taken advantage of the situation...or expected her to do these things for me..she does them because she loves me and she loves her grandchildren.

I just wanted to add that because my Mother helps me with the children,that doesnt mean that she has a say in how they are raised. While she is alone with the children,then it is up to her to disapline as she sees fit(we have the SAME type of disapline habits). When the children are with me and my Mother happens to be there..I am Mommy and what I says goeds...they know this...as does my Mother. My Dad on the other hand thinks he has the right to disapline any child..not just mine..so i cant even start to explain about that..LOL
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  #18  
July 28th, 2006, 12:46 PM
mrobinson
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I say it depends and this is why - this is my situation. I live with my parents because Joshua was unplanned and I am young. I also have a mental illness. DF does not live with me, and works night shifts at a security company. Am I to be expected that it is all ME taking care of my son, every day and every night until Jason has a night off? I am to feed Joshua, change him, take care of him for 24 hours straight for several days even though I live in the same house as my parents and they are always there to help? I have an illness that sometimes breaks through, and I do need a break every day; because if I don't, I get frustrated and I put my son and myself at risk. Since DF does not live with me; I can't just go to him and say please, take Joshua so I can get an hour to myself. It doesn't work that way in my life. My parents take him for two hours at night so I can rest, and give my mind a chance to cool down. DF helps me on his nights off.

My point is that you can't just say that for every single situation that it is completely a parent's responsiblity. For me, I have an illness that can break through my medication, and I have several other factors coming into play. For me, I would go crazy if I had to take care of Joshua 24/7 with no time to myself. I don't force my child on my parents. They know my illness, we've dealt with it since I was a child. I don't want to put my child at risk; and they know that. Plus they love Joshua so much, and enjoy the time with him.

Anyways; every situation is different and I am not the one to look down on them for relying on the grandparents to help; because I have and still am going through it myself.[/b]
It sounds like an agreed arrangement in your case.. I would say that your parents and your SO agreed to work with you.. I don't think you forced this on anyone, right?
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  #19  
July 28th, 2006, 01:08 PM
irishxrose
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I say it depends and this is why - this is my situation. I live with my parents because Joshua was unplanned and I am young. I also have a mental illness. DF does not live with me, and works night shifts at a security company. Am I to be expected that it is all ME taking care of my son, every day and every night until Jason has a night off? I am to feed Joshua, change him, take care of him for 24 hours straight for several days even though I live in the same house as my parents and they are always there to help? I have an illness that sometimes breaks through, and I do need a break every day; because if I don't, I get frustrated and I put my son and myself at risk. Since DF does not live with me; I can't just go to him and say please, take Joshua so I can get an hour to myself. It doesn't work that way in my life. My parents take him for two hours at night so I can rest, and give my mind a chance to cool down. DF helps me on his nights off.

My point is that you can't just say that for every single situation that it is completely a parent's responsiblity. For me, I have an illness that can break through my medication, and I have several other factors coming into play. For me, I would go crazy if I had to take care of Joshua 24/7 with no time to myself. I don't force my child on my parents. They know my illness, we've dealt with it since I was a child. I don't want to put my child at risk; and they know that. Plus they love Joshua so much, and enjoy the time with him.

Anyways; every situation is different and I am not the one to look down on them for relying on the grandparents to help; because I have and still am going through it myself.[/b]
It sounds like an agreed arrangement in your case.. I would say that your parents and your SO agreed to work with you.. I don't think you forced this on anyone, right?
[/b]
Nope... we all agreed this was the best way.
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  #20  
July 28th, 2006, 01:14 PM
mrobinson
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Nope... we all agreed this was the best way.[/b]
I think that's awesome! They choose to help be apart of the raising of their grandson's life.. I know my parents would have refused to if it was me.. I think it's great you're parents choose to do this.. Their hearts are obligated and that makes them great people for it. I think in your case the responsiblity was agreed (chosen) too, so I can see why you feel they are responsible in your situation.
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