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"Oh,but you look sooo good"


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  #1  
November 2nd, 2006, 02:12 PM
Colee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Northeastern Ohio
Posts: 16,731
I know we've ALL heard this comment "Oh,but you look SOOOO good". Am I the only one that take seriously offense when someone says this? This is something everyone says when they dont know what else to say. I found myself telling my BIL(whom was dying from colon cancer) how good he looked. After the words flowed out of my mouth I just wanted to kick my own self in the butt. I mean,what a terrible thing to say. He knew he didnt look good and that I was only saying it to make him feel better. Why are we as a society apt to say such silly things to people who are chronically or terminally ill? Why is society in general 'afraid' of people that are sick? They are the same person they were before becoming ill. I would rather someone tell me that I look like $hit and offer me a helping hand then tell me how great I look....it's my insides that are screwed up,not my apparence!
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  #2  
November 2nd, 2006, 02:24 PM
mrobinson
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Quote:
I know we've ALL heard this comment "Oh,but you look SOOOO good". Am I the only one that take seriously offense when someone says this? This is something everyone says when they dont know what else to say. I found myself telling my BIL(whom was dying from colon cancer) how good he looked. After the words flowed out of my mouth I just wanted to kick my own self in the butt. I mean,what a terrible thing to say. He knew he didnt look good and that I was only saying it to make him feel better. Why are we as a society apt to say such silly things to people who are chronically or terminally ill? Why is society in general 'afraid' of people that are sick? They are the same person they were before becoming ill. I would rather someone tell me that I look like $hit and offer me a helping hand then tell me how great I look....it's my insides that are screwed up,not my apparence![/b]
Sometimes people mean it nice.. but I know exactly where you are coming from.. I'm sure you've heard the email about the nice guy with a positive attitude story? No? Well he gets shot, get's rushed to the hospital, can see in the staff's eyes he was going to die. When a nurse asks him if it's allerigic to anything he replies, "yeah, bullets." (laughter in can) Then he asks the staff to work on him with a fight spirit because his is..

Well, I really don't care for those types of emails because I think there are far better ways to convey messages but at least we can take the humour from it. If the person has that type of personality maybe you could work it into a joke, despite the gravity but some people aren't like that.. I'm finding more and more there are people who prefer the superficial answers. Those answers bug me totally.
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  #3  
November 2nd, 2006, 05:01 PM
glasscandie's Avatar What I make is what I am
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Near Washington, DC
Posts: 15,982
I'd rather people just didn't comment at all, personally unless they're saying I look fabulous and I know I look fabulous...or I'm having a not OK day and out of the blue someone says "Wow you look great today!" That really perks me up.

I would NOT like it if someone told me I looked like sh*t, when I knew I did anyway lol That's the opposite of sugarcoating...like, ratpoisoncoating or something lol When I was preggo I felt really horrible one day in the 3rd trimester, didn't shower, my feet were swollen, didn't bother with makeup, and my MIL was like "Wow you look like cr*p today". Gee, that sure was helpful
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  #4  
November 2nd, 2006, 05:48 PM
Tanya G's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Quebec
Posts: 3,929
Well SO was diagnosed terminally ill when they first found his cancer. He said the only thing he had left was his looks. He felt like utter crap, he had no energy, he couldnt even get out of bed to get himself a glass of water, he would fall all the time, bang his head etc, I'm talking VERY bad shape, but the one thing that made him live I swear, was caring about the way he looked. HE would get out of bed everyday and take a bath, or sit down and shower, and make his hair look good(before he lost it to the chemo) and put on his best clothes. I have to say, he did look good. Even now when I see pics of him when he was sick, I see how skinny he was because he lost so much weight, and his face looks sunken in and red cheeks, but he looks very attractive. Anyway as I said, he said it was all he had left. I guess you have to play it by ear with those comments, some ppl liek to hear those things.

He was also a big joker. He didnt wnat anyone to know he was sick, but one time we needed a ride back from teh hospital so I had my brohter pick us up and when Ian got out of the car he fell down. My brother didnt know what was wrong and asked and Ian said "Oh I had too many drinks at the hospital bar".
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  #5  
November 2nd, 2006, 05:56 PM
Colee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Northeastern Ohio
Posts: 16,731
Quote:
Well SO was diagnosed terminally ill when they first found his cancer. He said the only thing he had left was his looks. He felt like utter crap, he had no energy, he couldnt even get out of bed to get himself a glass of water, he would fall all the time, bang his head etc, I'm talking VERY bad shape, but the one thing that made him live I swear, was caring about the way he looked. HE would get out of bed everyday and take a bath, or sit down and shower, and make his hair look good(before he lost it to the chemo) and put on his best clothes. I have to say, he did look good. Even now when I see pics of him when he was sick, I see how skinny he was because he lost so much weight, and his face looks sunken in and red cheeks, but he looks very attractive. Anyway as I said, he said it was all he had left. I guess you have to play it by ear with those comments, some ppl liek to hear those things.

He was also a big joker. He didnt wnat anyone to know he was sick, but one time we needed a ride back from teh hospital so I had my brohter pick us up and when Ian got out of the car he fell down. My brother didnt know what was wrong and asked and Ian said "Oh I had too many drinks at the hospital bar".[/b]
I always say it's a good thing I dont look as bad as I feel because people would run in the other direction...so I understand your SO feeling that way about his looks.
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