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Long-Distance Relationships

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May 4th, 2007, 10:53 PM
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May 4th, 2007, 11:07 PM
SusieQ2's Avatar Jersey Girl
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I don't think they are doomed. I think it entirely depends on the people who are involved and their willingness and level of commitment to each other.

Look at how many soldier spend so much time so far away from their SO and I don't believe that those relationships are doomed to fail. I have talked to military wives who said that experiencing the lost distant relationship made them appreciate each other even more because you forget about all of the little things that irritate you and just realize how much you miss having that person by your side every day.

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May 5th, 2007, 12:52 AM
Raela's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I mostly lurk on this board, but this topic caught my attention.

Like sbwolfer said, it depends on the couple and the level of commitment.

My DH(then boyfriend) did LDR for a year. He was 18, I was 16. He left for basic training(Air Force) on our 4 month 'anniversary' of dating. After that, was tech school and then he got stationed at Travis AFB, CA. We saw each other every 3 months or so, over the period of a year. It wasn't easy always and we put a lot of effort into keeping our relationship alive and healthy, but it was totally worth it. We are still together 5 years and 2(well.. 2nd comming in August) kids later. Still very much in love and happy and we both still think it was worth going through the long distance.

He's actually deployed right now.. so after a few years of being together, we're getting a taste of what it used to be like, sort of. Definately did not miss it and I can't wait for him to get home!

Anyway, no, I do not think they are doomed. I think that if the couple is realistic with their expectations and are both willing to be commited to the relationship and making it work, that they can. Keeping communication lines open while in one, I think, is one of the most important things. Heck.. that's important in a non LDR.

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May 5th, 2007, 04:10 AM
quietsong's Avatar Just Another Slacker Mom
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Anyway, no, I do not think they are doomed. I think that if the couple is realistic with their expectations and are both willing to be commited to the relationship and making it work, that they can. Keeping communication lines open while in one, I think, is one of the most important things.[/b]
It depends a lot on the people, their expectations and their needs. Some people NEED physical contact in order to feel close, and in those cases long distance relationships can be a difficult thing. However, with a lot of commitment and communication, they can work out. My DH and I began our relationship in a distance relationship (we'd met online), we only saw each other for one weekend every month or two, and everyone I knew thought I was nuts and it would never work out. 5 years and a baby later...

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May 5th, 2007, 06:25 AM
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Absolutely not!! My dh and I met and then were almost immediately separated and began a long-distance relationship which lasted almost a year before he was able to move to where I was living....it takes work and dedication but if you and that person are truly right for each other than you simply will make it work....it's not that big of an issue really. It's difficult but definitely do-able. I always find it odd when couples split up just becuase they will be separated by distace for a while...I feel like the relationship must not have had that much long-term potential in the first place then. JMO.
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May 5th, 2007, 06:53 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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For me it would NEVER work.

If DF had to go away then it would work but I would not start a relationship knowing it was going to be LD.
Mum to Ross, Elliot, Jack, Jasmine and Evie
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May 5th, 2007, 07:05 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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Yes I think they are doomed to fail if they go on that way indefinately. A year or two apart, maybe the couple can survive it.

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May 5th, 2007, 07:23 AM
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I agree with the ladies who said it depends on the couple and their level of commitment. Dh and I met the summer before our senior year of high school. He lived in FL, I in NC. I was down in Fl caring for my dying grandmother during my summer and met him while working a part time job at a grocery store. At the end of the summer, I went back to NC to finish school---and we then proceeded to have a long distance relationship for 2 1/2 years before we married. Now our lives continue to be LDR because of the military.

And like someone said--I feel that it really helps our marriage. It's hard, it causes fights--but in the end, you value that person that much more because you know they won't always be there, so you enjoy the time you have with them.
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May 5th, 2007, 07:34 AM
glasscandie's Avatar What I make is what I am
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It depends. DH and I have been seperated often because he's in the military, and we're obviously lasting. In fact, I think it's brought us closer. The only time we write detailed, intimate hand-written letters to each other is when he's gone, and I really cherish them.

On the other hand, if it was something I knew would go on for a very long time, probably it wouldn't work. I'm the type of person that really needs the man with me. I dated for 3 1/2 years one guy when I was in high school. He graduated before me, and went to Rutgers U. (which was only about 45 minutes away...but might as well have been Australia because I was in school as well). We broke up halfway through his first year there, because it was too hard to go from seeing each other everyday for nearly four years, to not seeing each other more than once/month.
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May 5th, 2007, 07:49 AM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
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My DH works on the road. He had two weeks off at the end of March and beginning of April, and since then he has been home two days. We keep in touch through daily phone calls and e-mails. We have a plan to bring him home for good in another two years or so.

We've been doing this for nearly a year now, and I haven't noticed any detriment to our relationship. If anything we are more considerate and supportive of each other.

We talk a lot more, too.
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May 5th, 2007, 07:52 AM
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It can work, but it wouldn't work for me.
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May 5th, 2007, 09:54 AM
M4NE's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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DH and I started off in a LDR, but we were able to see each other at least every other weekend. I agree with everyone who said they can work, but it depends on the level of commitment. And to those of you who have DH/SO's who are serving in our military, my thoughts and prayers and most of all THANKS go out to you and your families for your sacrifice.

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May 5th, 2007, 10:23 AM
frgsonmysox's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Chris and my relationship has always been built on long distances. When we first got together (I was a senior in HS, he had graduated 2 years before I did) he was in SC, I was in MD. We met online. I saw him every 3 months for about 3 days. Then after I graduated I moved down to be with him, and we spent one year as a normal couple. And then he enlisted. So he left for Basic and Tech (another 4 months or so without him), then we got back together. Now he's on a deployment rotation so he leaves every couple of months for a couple of months.

It's hard, I won't lie. But it is doable. And you do end up appreciating the other one a little more.
~Beth~ Wife to my Airman Chris, and mommy to: Anthony Nathaniel (8/31/04), Anastasia Fae (8/01/06), Baby C (lost on 10/12/07), David Cillian (7/31/08), Charles George (4/29/10), and Alan Christopher (2/22/12)

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May 5th, 2007, 09:31 PM
tianbi's Avatar Veteran
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I'm also a luker here but I thought I'd reply to this thread

I met my now DH in an online game. Purely by chance, we hit it off as friends and started talking via msn/email/phone. I lived in Australia at the time and he was here in the US. Like turned to love, and in December 2004 I flew out to meet him for the first time. We spent 3 weeks together before I had to leave, and they were the best and fastest 3 weeks I've ever had. I was hesitant at first, coming half way across the world to meet a man, but it was the best decision of my life. After that visit I wasn't able to return until December 2005 so we were seperated for almost a year. We spent alot of time on the phone (international calling cards are a godsent lol!). I've been in the US with him for almost 18 months now, we're sooo happy together and expecting our first child in August (yay!). Even now living here, we're still seperated alot LOL since he's a truck driver and spends up to a month on the road at a time before coming home for a few days. I used to travel with him (great way to see the country!) but now with our daughter on the way, a truckers life really isn't feasible for me. Life isn't always easy and I'm still working through immigration, but I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.

Long distance relationships can definately work out, but it does take alot of patience, love and communication. I think you have to go into it with your eyes wide open (esp in my case), it is extremely difficult at times, but well worth it if it works out. I think in alot of ways our seperations have strengthed our relationship, and we appreciate the time spent together so much more too. We're working towards finally bringing him off the road next year once his truck lease is up, I can't wait to have him home all the time!

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May 5th, 2007, 10:30 PM
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For me it would NEVER work.

If DF had to go away then it would work but I would not start a relationship knowing it was going to be LD.[/b]
OT but your siggy never fails to make me smile. What a beautiful child
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May 6th, 2007, 12:15 PM
Wolfmama09's Avatar " He's a marshmallow!"
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no, my Df and I met and got to know each other for about 4 months before he left for Iraq the 1st time.He came back after a year and we're still together . He's going to be leaving sonn again in a couple of days.It's definately hard but it's do able

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May 7th, 2007, 01:06 AM
KBeans's Avatar Believe in your body
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nope and me and dh are proof.

he moved away 2 months after we met and fell completely in love. he moved to vegas and i lived in philadelphia, pennsylvania. 2300 miles apart of not more....he was gone for 10 months before coming home and proposing. i then moved out here with him and here we are 4 years later, been married for 3 with a new little bean.

edited to add that we talked everyday and the 3 hour difference made it tough too sometimes...he was 3 hours earlier than me but i would wait up and we learned alot more about each other talking and listening to each other. we always say that it would not have been the same had he stayed with me on the east coast. the distance made our hearts grow fonder
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May 10th, 2007, 11:47 PM
rose198172's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I don't think that LDR are doomed to fail; I just think that the couple needs to be realistic about things.
Writer, Navy wife, autistic mom of two autistic kids (E is 6, C is 5).

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May 11th, 2007, 12:08 AM
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DH & I met when we were 16 & 18 (we were a summer camp fling that lasted!) and we had a LDR for 2 yrs before I graduated high school and moved out near his hometown to attend university. We had a decent phone plan and called eat other 1x a week, and we wrote letters to each other every few days and sent them via snail mail (we started dating before there was email). We've been together for almost 14yrs and married 9yrs so it can work out and age doesn't matter. It truly does depend on the couple and how much you put into the relationship. You get what you put in.
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