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  #1  
June 1st, 2007, 02:21 PM
*Aspen*
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Do you think it would be more beneficial to the mother and society in general if when we see a pregnant teen, we offer her support instead of look down upon teen mommies/pregnant teens? The deed has already been done....what good comes from being condescending? I think the only thing we can do now is support her to help her become the best she can be to her full potential.
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  #2  
June 1st, 2007, 02:24 PM
oicyur's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Utah
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Support, yes. Glorify, no. While I think it's important to offer support to anyone in a not so ideal situation, I don't think it should ever be seen as ok, which tends to happen. To often people start to offer support and it turns into a glorification of the act.
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  #3  
June 1st, 2007, 02:29 PM
donomama
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Define glorify. My mom's teenage neighbor got pregnant. She decided to keep the baby. This was her second pregnancy and the first baby she had given up for adoption. My mom wanted to give the girl a baby shower. The other neighbors were horrified that she would glorify this pregnancy. Some even told my mom she shouldn't have the baby shower because it condones and encourages it. My mom had the shower anyway, and no one came.

I think teenage mothers, especially if the father is not around, need even more support than older moms sometimes. I don't think that is glorifying it.
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  #4  
June 1st, 2007, 02:34 PM
*Aspen*
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Quote:
Define glorify. My mom's teenage neighbor got pregnant. She decided to keep the baby. This was her second pregnancy and the first baby she had given up for adoption. My mom wanted to give the girl a baby shower. The other neighbors were horrified that she would glorify this pregnancy. Some even told my mom she shouldn't have the baby shower because it condones and encourages it. My mom had the shower anyway, and no one came.

I think teenage mothers, especially if the father is not around, need even more support than older moms sometimes. I don't think that is glorifying it.[/b]
Baby showers aren't about glorifying the pregnancy, it's about celebrating the life of the child. That is sad no one showed up.
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  #6  
June 1st, 2007, 02:44 PM
Ms.Michelle
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Quote:
Define glorify. My mom's teenage neighbor got pregnant. She decided to keep the baby. This was her second pregnancy and the first baby she had given up for adoption. My mom wanted to give the girl a baby shower. The other neighbors were horrified that she would glorify this pregnancy. Some even told my mom she shouldn't have the baby shower because it condones and encourages it. My mom had the shower anyway, and no one came. [/b]


Quote:
Do you think it would be more beneficial to the mother and society in general if when we see a pregnant teen, we offer her support instead of look down upon teen mommies/pregnant teens? The deed has already been done....what good comes from being condescending? I think the only thing we can do now is support her to help her become the best she can be to her full potential.[/b]
Absolutely we need to support them. How is more the debate!
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  #7  
June 1st, 2007, 02:46 PM
donomama
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I have to tell you though, how great my mom is. She called every one of those women and told them that they should be ashamed of themselves!
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  #8  
June 1st, 2007, 02:47 PM
Ms.Michelle
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I have to tell you though, how great my mom is. She called every one of those women and told them that they should be ashamed of themselves! [/b]
Now that's a strong woman!
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  #10  
June 1st, 2007, 02:52 PM
donomama
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I think they need support like any other pregnant woman needs support. Advice, a baby shower, a listening ear. I think that they also need some extra support. Most teen moms are taken by suprise and haven't been planning and preparing for the child. They often haven't researched different parenting methods, discipline methods, they sometimes don't know how to eat healthy during the pregnancy, etc. They're still kids. So I think that they need as much help as they can get.

Personally, if I was close to a teenager who found herself pregnant, I would make sure she knew the importance of prenatal care, nutrition and health. I would offer to let her borrow my maternity clothes and use my baby stuff. I would offer a listening ear whenever she wanted one and let her read my parenting and pregnancy books. I don't think any of that would be glorifying it.
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  #11  
June 1st, 2007, 02:55 PM
*Aspen*
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Quote:
I have to tell you though, how great my mom is. She called every one of those women and told them that they should be ashamed of themselves! [/b]
Now that's a strong woman!
[/b]

Quote:
They need support!! How?..I'll get back to you....[/b]
What do you think they need then? To be told over and over how stupid they are? How bad they ruined their life? How much of a horrible mother they are going to be? How much better you (general) are than them for waiting? How stupid they are for having sex?

What a way to knock someones self-esteem down......just depress her, make her feel unworthy to the point where she doesn't even want to TRY to do the best she can for her child.

Just ignore me if this is overly-snarky. I'm sorry....I'm waiting on dinner, dh isn't home yet and I'm hungry for BBQ......LOL!
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  #12  
June 1st, 2007, 03:08 PM
frgsonmysox's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I have to tell you though, how great my mom is. She called every one of those women and told them that they should be ashamed of themselves! [/b]
Now that's a strong woman!
[/b]

Quote:
They need support!! How?..I'll get back to you....[/b]
What do you think they need then? To be told over and over how stupid they are? How bad they ruined their life? How much of a horrible mother they are going to be? How much better you (general) are than them for waiting? How stupid they are for having sex?

What a way to knock someones self-esteem down......just depress her, make her feel unworthy to the point where she doesn't even want to TRY to do the best she can for her child.

Just ignore me if this is overly-snarky. I'm sorry....I'm waiting on dinner, dh isn't home yet and I'm hungry for BBQ......LOL!
[/b]

hun, look at her punctuation. She agrees they need support (!!) and she'll get back to how in a bit.
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  #13  
June 1st, 2007, 03:13 PM
*Aspen*
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(donomama @ Jun 1 2007, 03:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
<div class='quotemain'>I have to tell you though, how great my mom is. She called every one of those women and told them that they should be ashamed of themselves! [/b]
Now that's a strong woman!
[/b]

Quote:
They need support!! How?..I'll get back to you....[/b]
What do you think they need then? To be told over and over how stupid they are? How bad they ruined their life? How much of a horrible mother they are going to be? How much better you (general) are than them for waiting? How stupid they are for having sex?

What a way to knock someones self-esteem down......just depress her, make her feel unworthy to the point where she doesn't even want to TRY to do the best she can for her child.

Just ignore me if this is overly-snarky. I'm sorry....I'm waiting on dinner, dh isn't home yet and I'm hungry for BBQ......LOL!
[/b][/quote]


hun, look at her punctuation. She agrees they need support (!!) and she'll get back to how in a bit.
[/b][/quote]
Totally going to eat some food now.....
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  #14  
June 1st, 2007, 03:14 PM
Ms.Michelle
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Quote:
What do you think they need then? To be told over and over how stupid they are? How bad they ruined their life? How much of a horrible mother they are going to be? How much better you (general) are than them for waiting? How stupid they are for having sex?

What a way to knock someones self-esteem down......just depress her, make her feel unworthy to the point where she doesn't even want to TRY to do the best she can for her child.

Just ignore me if this is overly-snarky. I'm sorry....I'm waiting on dinner, dh isn't home yet and I'm hungry for BBQ......LOL![/b]
Is this more a vent? I know many teens get this.

I think sex education is the start of prevention. Once it happens, I feel it's for many reasons.. Real help would be to counsel that person why it happened to help her become a whole person so they see the value in donomama's post, which I 100% support.

I've also been trying to bit my tongue because I will upset someone with the word abortion which I think applies in this thread.
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  #15  
June 1st, 2007, 03:18 PM
*Aspen*
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Quote:
Quote:
What do you think they need then? To be told over and over how stupid they are? How bad they ruined their life? How much of a horrible mother they are going to be? How much better you (general) are than them for waiting? How stupid they are for having sex?

What a way to knock someones self-esteem down......just depress her, make her feel unworthy to the point where she doesn't even want to TRY to do the best she can for her child.

Just ignore me if this is overly-snarky. I'm sorry....I'm waiting on dinner, dh isn't home yet and I'm hungry for BBQ......LOL![/b]
Is this more a vent? I know many teens get this.

I think sex education is the start of prevention. Once it happens, I feel it's for many reasons.. Real help would be to counsel that person why it happened to help her become a whole person so they see the value in donomama's post, which I 100% support.

I've also been trying to bit my tongue because I will upset someone with the word abortion which I think applies in this thread.
[/b]
I totally mis-read her post...LOL!! I feel terrible, but I'm not going to delete my post.

It's not a personal vent, I've never been there or had any of those things said to me. It's just a debate vent I guess. LOL! I knew your real stance with the abortion!! I was wondering if you were gonna say something...LOL!
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  #16  
June 1st, 2007, 03:46 PM
jhmomofmany's Avatar Look! A Dancing Banana!
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Michelle, bless your heart, I just knew you'd be the first to mention abortion.

I was a teen mommy. My then-boyfriend-now-DH's mom was thrilled. She threw me parties, insisted on going to all my prenatals, gushed over me and rubbed my belly, bragged about her first grandbaby on the way... she acted like it was the most wonderful thing we could have done. That, in my opinion, is the kind of support that "glorifies" teen pregnancy (although I'm not sure that's the word I would use).

My Mom talked a lot to me about what I was in for. She told me that I did not have to get married and move out if I didn't want to, etc. She told me that she would help in whatever way she could but she expected me to take responsibility for my own actions and that she would financially support me only as a last resort. I think that is more the type of support teen mothers need. She was "there for me", but she was not going to let me abdicate responsibility. How you provide that on a practical level, I'm not sure. I would love to see more mentorship programs for teen moms.
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  #17  
June 1st, 2007, 03:59 PM
chlodoll
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I think sex education is the start of prevention. Once it happens, I feel it's for many reasons..[/b]
I think it needs to go a step further then sex education because from what I have seen and experienced most teens become pregnant on purpose. They need to teach teens that babies dont equal love.
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  #18  
June 1st, 2007, 04:00 PM
lotus86's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I believe teen moms need support moreso than other moms. When I got p/g at 18 (my m/c) I got NO support from my own parents, and that has really hurt our relationship. It was either abortion or being disowned, and I chose the latter until I m/c'ed. I don't think focusing on the positive of a pregnancy is glorifying it. I do believe in giving a reality check and letting the mom-to-be know what she is in for to a degree, but TBH no first time mommy truly knows what she's in for, regardless of age. I also agree with Michelle, sex education is key in these situations.
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  #19  
June 1st, 2007, 04:02 PM
*Aspen*
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I believe teen moms need support moreso than other moms. When I got p/g at 18 (my m/c) I got NO support from my own parents, and that has really hurt our relationship. It was either abortion or being disowned, and I chose the latter until I m/c'ed. I don't think focusing on the positive of a pregnancy is glorifying it. I do believe in giving a reality check and letting the mom-to-be know what she is in for to a degree, but TBH no first time mommy truly knows what she's in for, regardless of age. I also agree with Michelle, sex education is key in these situations.[/b]
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  #20  
June 1st, 2007, 04:54 PM
thepinkleprechaun's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think the worst possible thing is when a teenage girl gets pregnant ON PURPOSE because they think having a baby is cute, or they want attention! This happened with my FIL's daughter and her nasty inbred boyfriend. She is basically a POS that treats her dad like crap and has no manners and no respect for anyone. As soon as he and MIL got engaged, she went and got pregnant on purpose because she wasn't getting enough attention. And yes I know this becuase she told everyone that, I'm not just talking trash about her. Ugh. I seriously hate that girl.
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