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  #1  
June 1st, 2007, 05:25 PM
ahixon
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My 11 year old nephew is sitting outside on my porch right now waiting for his Mom to come get him. She most likely will not show up, she hasn't been here for a month abd a half, and she hasn't called to say if she is coming or not this time. This drives me crazy, he is staying with me because he thinks she might come, instead of going fishing with his dad, he makes every excuse in the world for her, and blames her not calling on us. He just told me that she tries to call all of the time so she can talk to him but she can never get ahold of us. Okay, that is 100% lie, I am a stay at home mom, I am here most of the time, I have a home phone and a cell phone, my BIL works 5 days a week, same hours every week for 12 years, she gets ahold of him at work when she wants to, but for some reason can't when she doesn't, he also has a cell phone. That is four phones, so my Nephew thinks that it is our fault that she never calls, he alway's think that anything that goes wrong is our fault, she told him once that she didn't have any money because she had to give it all to his dad for child support. She just started paying child support this year, and it was because they garnished her wages to get it. His first three years of life she didn't see him at all. She has two other kids, that live with her, and another on the way. So my question is, I know I can't say anything bad about her, but how do I make him understand that her problems are not our fault? It breaks my heart, and I am so tired of her being the hero.
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  #2  
June 1st, 2007, 05:31 PM
*Aspen*
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I'm so sorry, I'm not sure what to say. I used to kind of be like that about my dad...waiting for him. My parents bad talked him all the time and I hated that. But some of the stuff they said was true, and I had to come to my own realization with that.

I really have no advice, I think it's different for each situation. **hugs**
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  #3  
June 1st, 2007, 05:49 PM
EmilysMommy04's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Horseheads NY
Posts: 1,997
you shouldnt be making excues for her. Nor should he be blaming you. I dont make excuses for Sierras mom when she asks about her. Im not making excuses for her no way there is no excuse for what she has done. I tell Sierra the truth. Most may say thats harsh,,, but in reality its not. Her mother did it to herself.
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  #4  
June 1st, 2007, 05:54 PM
lotus86's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Annapolis, MD
Posts: 3,759
I'm torn. On one hand, it seems healthy to let the child know what is really going on (his father should be the one to do it, though) as kids of that age tend to know more than they let on. <-- I know that from personal experience. On the other hand, I'd hate to see the child be hurt by knowing that his mom isn't coming But then again, he is being set up for a big let down every time she doesn't show. I think if it were me, I would want the child to know, but like Aspen said it's different for every situation.
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  #5  
June 1st, 2007, 05:56 PM
ahixon
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Ahhhhh, she just came. David came running down the hallway saying I knew she would come I knew it. Then I told him to tell her that she needed to call from now on. Well, He came back in the house and said that she told him to come tell me that she tried to call all day......WHATEVER, I went to the door and told her that I wish that she would call so we would know if she was coming or not, and she said oh okay well will talk to you later. I can't stand her, and I can't stand that he worships her. It makes me want to puke!!!
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  #7  
June 1st, 2007, 05:58 PM
*Aspen*
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Quote:
Ahhhhh, she just came. David came running down the hallway saying I knew she would come I knew it. Then I told him to tell her that she needed to call from now on. Well, He came back in the house and said that she told him to come tell me that she tried to call all day......WHATEVER, I went to the door and told her that I wish that she would call so we would know if she was coming or not, and she said oh okay well will talk to you later. I can't stand her, and I can't stand that he worships her. It makes me want to puke!!![/b]
I'm glad she came for his sake....... I held my dad up on a pedalstool.....It's only been the past 2 years that I've realized that he didn't deserve all the respect from me I gave him. I love him, but I gave him a false sense of love and respect. I can't redo anything now and love him for who he really is because he's passed away.
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  #8  
June 1st, 2007, 05:59 PM
EmilysMommy04's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Horseheads NY
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Quote:
Ahhhhh, she just came. David came running down the hallway saying I knew she would come I knew it. Then I told him to tell her that she needed to call from now on. Well, He came back in the house and said that she told him to come tell me that she tried to call all day......WHATEVER, I went to the door and told her that I wish that she would call so we would know if she was coming or not, and she said oh okay well will talk to you later. I can't stand her, and I can't stand that he worships her. It makes me want to puke!!![/b]

Im sorry thats freaken sick to lie to a child to make yourself look better people suck sometimes.
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  #11  
June 1st, 2007, 06:24 PM
picklesmama's Avatar <;,><
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I had a little girl in my care, she and her brother were taken from their mother (long story, neglect) and placed in their fathers custody, but he was Navy, so when he went away they stayed with me, anyways, her mother would make similar excuses like trying to call, and not having money to buy thm things or for gas because Kass's Dad took it all, etc and when Kass would tell me what her mother said, I would tell her the truth, I told her that wasn't true, and that it was wrong of her mother to lie to her. I told her that her mother does love her, which is why she lies. I remember telling her some sort of comparison between how when she and her brother were naughty they would lie because they loved their Dad and didn't want their Dad to be mad at them and that when their mother wasted all her money or forgot to call she lied because she loved them and didn't want them to be mad at her. I said the next time she makes excuses to her you should tell her that she doesnt have to lie that you will love her anyways. Man was she furious with me. Too bad - she should stop letting her kids down and then lying and blaming others. Anyways I don't know if an approach like that would work for your nephew, but that's what I said in a similar situation.
I'm glad she showed up and didn't let him down again, but what a witch, and you really showed some restraint, I would have had a hard time not taking her aside and telling her off!
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  #12  
June 1st, 2007, 06:26 PM
*Aspen*
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Quote:
I had a little girl in my care, she and her brother were taken from their mother (long story, neglect) and placed in their fathers custody, but he was Navy, so when he went away they stayed with me, anyways, her mother would make similar excuses like trying to call, and not having money to buy thm things or for gas because Kass's Dad took it all, etc and when Kass would tell me what her mother said, I would tell her the truth, I told her that wasn't true, and that it was wrong of her mother to lie to her. I told her that her mother does love her, which is why she lies. I remember telling her some sort of comparison between how when she and her brother were naughty they would lie because they loved their Dad and didn't want their Dad to be mad at them and that when their mother wasted all her money or forgot to call she lied because she loved them and didn't want them to be mad at her. I said the next time she makes excuses to her you should tell her that she doesnt have to lie that you will love her anyways. Man was she furious with me. Too bad - she should stop letting her kids down and then lying and blaming others. Anyways I don't know if an approach like that would work for your nephew, but that's what I said in a similar situation.
I'm glad she showed up and didn't let him down again, but what a witch, and you really showed some restraint, I would have had a hard time not taking her aside and telling her off![/b]
That actually makes sense.
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  #13  
June 1st, 2007, 06:33 PM
ahixon
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That is a wondeful idea. I do think she loves him, just in a very childish way. I couldn't go a week without my kids, much less 6 weeks. I think it is also very sad for him that she has other kids that are with her. Aspen, how old are you, I was just wondering because I was just thinking a little while ago that maybe he would figure her out in the next three or four years. I am scared to death that he will want to go live with her when he gets old enough to decide.
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  #14  
June 1st, 2007, 07:08 PM
*Aspen*
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That is a wondeful idea. I do think she loves him, just in a very childish way. I couldn't go a week without my kids, much less 6 weeks. I think it is also very sad for him that she has other kids that are with her. Aspen, how old are you, I was just wondering because I was just thinking a little while ago that maybe he would figure her out in the next three or four years. I am scared to death that he will want to go live with her when he gets old enough to decide.[/b]
i will be 21 in july

nak
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  #15  
June 1st, 2007, 09:37 PM
Caeden&#39;sMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,765
Honestly... I think this is probably natural. As someone else said, his way of coping. I know it must be so, so hard, but just keep doing what you're doing... You're doing the right thing, and i promise you, someday he will realize that and thank you for it.
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  #17  
June 1st, 2007, 10:55 PM
ahixon
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Thanks everyone, I just hope he will figure it out soon, instead of getting hurt all of the time. I remember when he was little he would want to know what time she was coming, so I would show him what it would say on the clock when she would be there, and then the time would come and go, and she would never show up. It is just so sad and sick to me.
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