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Finding out in pregnancy vs. finding out at birth?

Forum: Trying to Conceive a Specific Gender


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January 17th, 2012, 08:43 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 11,971
For those wishing for one gender over the other (and possibly swaying to attempt to get one versus the other), do you think it is better to find out the gender during pregnancy (aka: at the 20 week sonogram) or find out at birth?

With my second I was *hoping* for a little girl, since I had a two-year-old son. But since he was a rainbow baby (after loss), I stopped caring as much by the time we got pregnant with him and found out he was a boy. I was "upset" (more surprise because I did really think he was a girl) for about 2 hours and then was really happy he was a boy so my son could have a brother.

But in the future (prolly at the end of this year) we will be trying for our third. And I know I will likely want a little girl again. I don't think we will do a whole lot to sway for one, since I am sorta weird about it (three of our four losses were cycles we were swaying and that says something to me).

But I was thinking it might lessen the possible "gender disappointment" to wait until birth to find out what the baby is. Just because then I will be so delighted with just having delivered him/her and be so high on hormones and in love with meeting my new baby...I probably wouldn't care what gender it was. Then there is the flip side, finding out early to deal with any feelings of gender disappointment before the baby actually gets here.

What do you think? Better to find out at birth? Or better to find out earlier? (Discounting any feelings of "not being able to wait" to find out, just pretend you are super-patient and would have no problem waiting til birth to find out).

Sorry that was rambly!
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January 18th, 2012, 11:17 AM
mindyjean's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 2,195
I have thought a lot about this as well! I am such an impatient person, and found out at 20 weeks with my 2 sons. But part of me thinks it would be less hard to find out gender at birth, becase like you said, you'll be all caught up in the new child, ect. I also thought about finding out at 20 weeks but not telling anyone else (except DH). Or make up an excuse like "the ultrasound tech didn't get a good shot."
Mindy (35)
DH (37)

DS #1 born in 2006, DS #2 born in 2010, DS #3 born in 2013.
Expecting April 2016!

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January 19th, 2012, 03:23 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 4,956
This is something I have thought about a lot, as we lost a little girl at 15 weeks into our first pregnancy, then went on to have a healthy little boy. Although I know all that matters is that the baby is healthy, I desperately want PINK l as I feel like I'm suppose to be a Mum to a little girl.

I'm now pregnant again and we have decided we will wait until birth to find out the gender as I figure once the baby is in my arms, it won't matter what the gender is. I'm worried if I find out the gender while I am pregnant, that it will give me too much time to think about and get upset about. This will also be our last baby as we only want two kids, so it's my only chance to be on 'Team Green'! which is also something I really want to experience - I can't wait for that moment were I am holding my baby in my arms and get to discover for myself if it's my son or daughter!

It's a hard decision, but you both have to do whatever feels right for you. Good luck with whatever you decide
~ Tasha ~
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September 18th, 2014, 06:45 PM
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: BC
Posts: 5
When the baby is born you are just so so so happy to meet it and finally hold it that the gender is less important. My son had a difficult birth, he almost was stillborn, so when I finally heard his cry I was just so happy and relieved I barely took it in when my husband said: "it's a boy!" even though I had kind of wanted a girl first.

I think we wil wait to find out for the next baby too, though for planning/picking names etc. would be easier if you knew what you are getting
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