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Elaine TTC Journal

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June 19th, 2007, 12:42 PM
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 359
A baby is a gift from God.
All that we can do is to keep charting the temp and to time the BD exactly right. We can go and see a Fertility Specialist and take fertility drugs, do b/w, u/s or go see a Chinese doctor who prescribes chinese herbs, apply some acupuncture but whether the baby arrives or not, is really beyond our control. I've come to accept the concept of 'beyond control', not to sound negative or to give up the TTC journey but as an acceptance to the way things are meant-to-be.

I used to ask my hubby, if I did things wrong or if we did anything wrong in order to deserve this, sometimes I felt like this is a punishment. Once in a while, I would tell my hubby that I feel guilty towards him and he deserves a wife who can give him children. My hubby would get depressed whenever I am depressed like that, he really loves me and wants us to be happy. I am very fortunate to have a loving husband. Do you notice that most infertile women have loving husbands? Is that a trade-off??? I really, really hope not.... Whenever I go to my Dr.'s appointment, I see loving couples with desperate-and-perplexed looks on their faces. I guess, they have no idea why these things happen to them either.

Sometimes I read about poor and abused women with many children and it breaks my heart. Why do they have children and could not provide sufficiently for them? I would say, this world is unfair and it sure is, there is no such thing as a so-called poetic-fairness. Sometimes I watch HGTV and in Design Inc. a very pregnant Sarah Richardson is running around in high-heels and lifting stuffs. She is a very talented and hardy woman and I wish I were as hardy and as pregnant as her. I watched the episode where she decorated her baby room and gave birth to a sweet and lovely baby girl, it brought a tear to my eyes. The conclusion is, all women have babies and so will I, so will I.

We have confidence in God that our baby will come soon. Good things come to those who wait. :-)
<span style="font-family:Comic Sans MS">Stalk my Chart</span>

Me: Elaine (36)
DH: Richie (35)
TTC #1: 5 years (with PCOS, reoccurring fibroids, endometriosis, fluid in uterine cavity)
TTC history: 3 surgeries - myomectomy ('04), laparoscopy ('06), hysteroscopy ('07). 8 cycles of clomid/serophene, puregon; 2 cycles of IUI; 1 cycle of IVF, 1 more frozen emby for FET. Currently taking a break from western medicine and going for weekly acupuncture treatment and taking Chinese herbs. Praying for a miracle baby.
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