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Don't know what to do. She always causes chaos in the family

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December 17th, 2005, 09:27 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 3,469
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Yesterday I got home from work about 3pm. Changed out of my work shirt. Was going to stop at a Christmas party at a bar. It's the place I usually go to on Fridays and bring home fish frys for dinner. Told dh I was going out for a while. Will bring dinners back. This was like at about 4pm. This bar is about 3/4 of a block from our house. I know a lot of the regulars who come there. Some of them live right in my neighborhood. I worked hard all week. So a few beers sounded really good after work. I'm sitting there talking with people I know. Well some of us were exchanging presents. I brought over some candy I made for holidays for some people I am kind of friends with. It felt good to get out and enjoy the company of people I am friends with. My relaxation time. Now it's a little after 5pm. The bar phone rings. The bartender hollars out my name. But by my maiden last name. I walk over there. I said that could be me. But they are asking for me by my maiden name. I get the phone. It's my mother. She is so paranoid of what I do. I can't do nothing without her knowing about it or being a part of it. So she says what am I doing here. I guess she called dh asking for me. He said I went out for a bit. Was going to bring some dinners home. So mom guessed where I was. She says don't you know I have a dh and son at home. Your dh says come home right away. Says you been out long enough. I said yeah right. My dh trusts me and knows if he needs something. He knows how to call me himself. Well dh could call my cell phone. A number I will never give to my mother. As she is the queen of all drama queens. She'd be calling it constantly if I was not at home. I said mom you can't be tying up the business phone here. I am hanging up now. She says wait I got something important to ask you. Then says can I stay at your house Saturday night. I said no. Then hung up the phone.

(Well with moms history of drama queening for years. I just won't have her staying over night for any amount of days. Dh says let her stay. It's only one night. I said no way. You know she's a drama queen. She'd be getting the whole house in chaos. Mom will watch every move I make in the house. Try and listen in on everything I say to dh. I wouldn't be able to step out of the house for any reason without mom giving me the third degree. Mom likes arguing. She'd try to pick a fight with one of us. One time when dad was still alive. Dad went on a trip alone. He was driving a trailer of stuff to California where one of my sisters was living at the time. It was furniture she wanted brought out to her. Mom tried getting dh to argue with her. Dh just didn't react on that. Boy did that make mom upset. She couldn't even get a rise out of dh. She kept on dh. Still couldn't get a rise out of him. So she gave up. That was the last time she ever tried anything on dh. )I stayed a bit longer. Then got dh and our son some dinners.

I guess after I hung the phone up on mom at the bar. She rang the house like 3 times in 30 minutes to see if I was home yet. Well maybe a half hour or so later I came home. I was out maybe an hour and a half. I no sooner got in the door and passed out dh's and sons meals. Phone rings again. It's mom. She was asking how come I was out and left dh at home. Goes on dh does not like you going to the bar. She was getting to the point of accusing me of cheating on dh. I stopped her in her tracks on that. Said mom I was not out cheating on dh. Dh knew where I was going and how to call me if he needed me. Mom I am 43 yrs old married a little over 19yrs. I am not a child. I think I can take care of myself. Live my life the way I see proper. So she asks again if she could stay over Saturday night. I said no way. She called a few times again after I talked to her when I got home from the bar. I did not answer the phone. I let her calls go to the voicemail. I did not want a repeat of a few or so years back when mom lived a couple blocks from us. She got upset us girls from work went out after work for drinks. She walks in the bar across from my house where us girls went out to. Would not go home till she knew I left the bar and was safe in my house. Made a big drama queen event that night that was really embarrasing.
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December 19th, 2005, 09:31 AM
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Yikes! You say drama queen? I'd say control queen! Wouldn't it be amazing if these people (my family included) examined their OWN life as much as they want to disect ours?

Sweetie, I'm sorry to you're going through this. People tell me I give away too much of my power to this type of people in my life. I'm trying hard not too... maybe it's something you could easier than I? (I dunno.)

No matter what, I'll be hear to listen! I hope it's better for Christmas.
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December 20th, 2005, 03:24 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 3,469
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Thing is. Some years back when she pulled a really bad drama queen on me. When us girls went out after work. She says I'm so sorry. I just worry about you kids. I won't do it again on and on. I wouldn't accept her appology. I knew she wasn't going to change. She hasn't. Before she moved to the senior housing apartment and was living 2 blocks from dh and I. If she called the house and no one answered the phone. She'd literally walk over ring the door bell looking for me. She'd even look to see if dh's car was out back. Sometimes a person does not answer the phone because. They don't feel like talking to anyone at the time or are to busy to talk. If for some reason a door was unlocked at home. Mom would just walk right on in the house seeing whoes home. So I'd always keep the doors locked even if I'm home. If I did not answer the door or she did not find me home. She'd walk up the block stopping in bars along the way which there are 3 within a 3 block stretch going straight from our house towards the main business street closest to our house. Thinking all I did was spend my free time in the bars drinking. One day my best friend was in the bar across the street from my house with some bf she'd been dating at the time. My mother walked in looking for me. Asked my friend if she'd seen me that day. Friend said no. Mom did not believe it. Makes my friend go look in the bathroom to see if I'm hiding there. Friend says no she's not there. Mom says are you sure. So mom goes looking in the bathroom there for me. Of course later that day friend calls to tell me what mom did. The bar I get fish frys from. Mom would go in there also to look for me. The bar manager knows my mother well. She tells her she hadn't seen me in a while. Mom would never believe her. What took the cake was when she accused me of cheating on dh with my former bosses son. I am so glad she lives across town now. I can leave the house in peace knowing she isn't watching every move I make. When dad was still alive. He'd always put mom in her place when she drama queened to much. Yeah mom is more of a control queen. She probably thinks we don't know how to make proper choices. So she has to run our lives for us. No mom did not come stay on Saturday. My foot stayed down.
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December 20th, 2005, 11:08 AM
bellebutton's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Omaha, NE
Posts: 1,112
You know what the thing is, your mom is bored, she has nothing else to do. (my grandma is the same way with my mom) She doesnt have your father there to talk to or whatever. Your mom doesnt realize that (to YOU) she is hurting rather then helping. The best thing maybe is not to even talk to her. Make her realize that you are a grown woman that has a family of your own. My mom is 56 and still gets crap from my granny. She just has nothing better to do. Hope everything works out, this is why Im glad my mom lives across the other side of the country!!!

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December 22nd, 2005, 09:39 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 3,469
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My mothers done this for many years even when dad was alive. On Sunday nights dad would go to a movie. If he did not come home directly after the movie was over. She'd call us kids. Is dad over there. No. I'd tell mom I am not his keeper. So why would I know where he is. Mom always thought the worse was going to happen in any situation. Mom lives in senior housing where they have some planned activities each week. They get to socialize with others from the building. One of her cousins also lives in the same building. When we were kids she'd think the worse of a sick when we got sick. If we got the cold or something. She'd be calling the doc making out like it was something really bad. Dad would say you don't need a doctor for every little cold or sniffle. When we got jobs. Mom would be paranoid of us getting fired if we asked for a day off. Saying no you just got to go to work. You can't go to this or that. If you ask for off they will fire you. If you call in sick they will fire you. Telling me sick or no sick you just go to work. Or mom would obsessed with money. She'd always want to know how much money I was getting paid on the job. Recently she asked me what do I get paid. I said none of your business. So she words it differently. Oh just wondering if you get paid the same as the food staff at my apartments get paid. I said well what do the cooks by you get paid. Oh I don't remember off hand. She was just trying to find out my personal business. Well she left yesterday on her trip. She won't be back till like January 2nd.
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