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Wonderful hubby but need some advice please!!

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December 22nd, 2005, 10:51 AM
nirvanasmarigold's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Sunny, CA
Posts: 6,172
I have been with my husband for 2 1/2 years and we have a 1 month old son. When I was pregnant he always joked about how he wasn't going to change diapers because they really grossed him out. I always joked back and told him that he's going to have to because he will be alone with the baby eventually and will be stuck changing him. Well....he's a month old and he still hasn't changed a diaper. I am bf exclusively and trying to pump so that he can feed a bottle in the middle of the night (which he will have to when I go back to work Jan 9th). But how can he do the night time feedings if he needs to change him too? He'll also be the one picking him up from the babysitters in the evening and will be alone with him for a few hours in the evening before I get home.

I am so worried because I am starting to feel very resentful. I am the one who is at home all day long alone and when he does get home he goes into the computer room to do his stuff until it's almost time to go to bed. We've talked and I've told him how much I need his help, that I feel alone and like he's ignoring us when he goes in the other room for the whole night. He says that he needs to ease into all of these new things with the baby. I had to pretty much force him to change his clothes (he's only done it once). When he gets home the first thing he does is say hi to the animals (we have a lot) and then me. Sometimes I notice that he'll go the whole night without ever saying hi to the baby or holding him.

He really is a wonderful man and when I talk to him about what he needs to feel comfortable with he gets sad and depressed and thinks I'm telling him that he's a bad father or a loser. All I'm trying to do is make sure he knows what to do while I'm here to help him. We got into an argument last night and I told him that no one taught me what to do (never even held a newborn before my guy) and that I had no time to "warm up" to anything. We both work at small businesses and don't qualify for any of that family medical leave stuff. I have to go back at 6 weeks because that is when disability pay runs out. So luckily he took the first week off but that's it. I've been left alone m-f from 8-6 and I'm getting worried about when I go back to work.

He said he is afraid he'll be crying and he won't be able to calm him down. I told him I feed, change his diaper, hold him, put him in his swing or chair. Luckily our guy is really good and calms down really fast. Normally he's just hungry or tired. So please help!! Am I being to hard on him? Is there another way I can present the situation to get him to jump in faster? I've tried nice, mad, I've cried and I get the same response.....Help

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December 22nd, 2005, 09:45 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 3,469
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My dh swore he'd never do diapers. I waived a stinky one past his face. That changed his mind real quick. Not telling you to do that to your dh. I think mine just figured if I'm home. I should change all diapers. That he'd only do it if no one was there to do it.
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December 23rd, 2005, 12:44 PM
bellebutton's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Omaha, NE
Posts: 1,112
Mine was the same way and I think a lot of it has to do with being scared of the little guy. This is a brand new thing to him that he has to get use to. I know how hard it is, but put all your attention to your baby and he will notice that HE isnt getting that much attention. He will come around. Alot of guys dont like to do too much with newborns because they think they will hurt them just by holding them. Then they start to come around when the are in the "fun stage" It will be ok, just be the mom to your baby and not your DH, he will come around!!!

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December 26th, 2005, 04:15 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
Maybe that is his way of saying that he is scared and has NO idea how to change a diaper or how to take care of the baby. Try to figure out a way to involve him in the changes and care of the baby. If I can come up with any ideas, I will let you know.
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