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I could really use some good advice here ....

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August 15th, 2004, 09:55 AM
I Heart 4x4
Posts: n/a
Okay, one of my closest friends is going through a really bad ordeal. Her husband of nearly 20 years just left her and their two kids (one is almost 16, the other is almost 13) - and she just had a miscarriage not even a week before he left. Turns out he has been cheating on her for quite some time, and has left her to be with this other woman (I think she is a little younger). This guy, who I really liked as a person, has completely done this metamorpheses (sp) and is just a complete jerk now. He has said some really unnecessary things to my friend (saying he hated having sex with her, that she's made him miserable since the first day they met, things along that line). She's been a complete wreck since he walked out, because he was everything to her (as most of you know what its like to have your husband be your world).

I have no idea what I should do. She called me last night, crying, and I just sat there and said that he was a jerk and she didn't deserve what she was going through, that she will be okay and that she's a strong person. I had absolutely no idea what to say to her ...

Randy and I are driving down to see her either tomorrow or Tuesday, because she wants Randy to put extra locks on her doors so he can't get in (the police told her she can't change the locks, but they didn't say anything about adding a dead bolt ).

What am I supposed to do? I feel so helpless for her, all I feel like I can do is let her cry and say "uh huh, yeah, uh huh, I know, uh huh, yeah" over and over. I've never gone through a divorce ... with my ex, he cheated on me too but I didn't find out until after I had moved away from him and we'd been broken up for a while ... so it's not the same sort of situation at all.

Help, please!!!!!!
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August 15th, 2004, 11:38 AM
tamw402004's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Ohio.....I was born in Portsmouth, Virginia.
Posts: 15,494
I would say just be there for her. If she needs a friend to lean on. Even if it means through phone calls. When you are going through a hard time like she is....the most important thing is to have people that care for you there for you.

It is crushing to be betrayed like that! I don`t even know her but, I feel so sorry for her & their children! I hope things get better soon for all of them!

Just like that situation.....That is why I think SOME men are PIGS!!!!
~ HOST to ~FortySomething {Plus} Mommies~

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August 15th, 2004, 06:59 PM
christianmommato3's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: OHIO
Posts: 15,943
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I would just be there for her to listen. You don't have to say anything to her. She just needs someone to listen and love her....

I am sure you are being a terrific friend.... keep it up!!!
stay at home, homeschooling momma to Jacob(12), Alisha(10), Andrew (5)

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August 16th, 2004, 08:32 PM
in_mommy's Avatar I am just me
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 14,873
I agree with the other ladies, just let her lean on your shoulder and cry. I don't know what to tell you to say to her other than just let her know that you are there for her. Keep doing what you are doing, listening to her, that is the big thing. She just needs someone to listen to her. I have had only 1 friend go through a divorce and I just let her know that if she ever needs anything or needs to talk to let me know and I would be there for her. At some point you may want to suggest that she get herself tested for STD's and AIDS since he was cheating.

She is lucky to have a good friend like you!! Hang in there, you are doing a good job!
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